First few days frightening [Archive]

Pongowaring

10-08-11, 08:50

Hi all

I'm currently having a bad time. I've taken citalopram before, four years ago, and it worked for me. I remember side effect that time, but they didnt go beyond a rough first day.

This time, though, it seems way worse. I'm taking 20mg, same as the previous time. My problem is general anxiety plus occasional panic attacks.

Day 1. Took pill midday or so. No immediate change.

Day 2. Ok in morning, afternoon felt increased dizziness, fatigue and nausea. It was a Sunday so it was less disruptive to put up with.

Day 3. Went to work as usual. OK in morning - ok in the sense of just my usual anxiety. Early evening started to feel increased anxiety, trembling, sweating, legs and arms tinglng, dizziness, restlessness. Had dull headache most of the night. Took a sleeping tablet, managed somehow to sleep very well.

Day 4. Woke up feeling increasingly anxious and with the same symptoms. Stayed off work as didn't feel up to driving. Spent the day feeling waves of anxiety go through my body. Basically my usual symptoms but in overdrive. Feel very weak, uncommunicative with partner, a feeling of just wanting to be left alone.

Also found my mind racing uncontrollably, thoughts - negative ones, "how long will this last?", "what if it doesn't get better?" - constantly in my mind. Appetite also pretty much zero.

Go to bed and have worst night I think I have had in years, an absolute nervous wreck, waves of anxiety, negative thoughts racing through mind, spend the whole night sweating and barely sleeping.

I've just woken up on day five and am wondering whether this is an extreme reaction or the norm., and whether to give it up or reduce my dose.

I don't want to give up, and with reducing my dose I worry that it is just going to mean the same side no but with it taking longer to kick in and for them to go away.

To make things more complicated, for the lastt few years I've been using alcohol to take the edge off the anxiety (although I know it makes things worse long term). Nothing major, a glass or two of wine, but pretty much every night. Last time on cit, I didn't stop drinking. This time, I have stopped, and I suspect that that is contributing to the worse side effects, but would it make this much difference?

I'm worried about how long this will last and whether it is typical. Part of me says "it is normal, just ride it out" whereas another part says "this is much worse than it should be".

Really not in a good place right now. Thanks for listening.

no_name

10-08-11, 08:59

Absolutely normal is what you are describing, especially in the beginning of the treatment. Alcohol is really not a good thing to drink while taking citalopram. No need to reduce the dose, you just have to wait at least 2-4 weeks till the pill kicks in. Don't listen to the part of you that says "this is much worse than it should be". I myself have thought the same thing millions of times but it is never 'real', it's just your condition making you feel/think pesimistic that you are really in bad condition and you will never recover from that nightmare... Absolutely WRONG! You can ask your Dr. for some sedative/anxiolytic (Xanax for example) for a couple of weeks while the AD kicks in, it will really help you be calm (the only bad thing is it makes you sleepy but you really feel relaxed). I took it for 5 weeks the last time and almost had no panic attacks.

Pongowaring

10-08-11, 09:15

Hi

Thanks for the reply. Do you mean 2-4 weeks for the citalopram to have an effect on where I was before I started taking it, or am improvement on the heightened state I am in now?

The state I am in now is best described as being like a bad case of flu combined with the worst anxiety ever, and - at least for two days - has stopped me from functioning.

Strangely, the reason I went back to my doctor for help this time was that my anxiety was bringing on near constant IBS symptoms. Those seem to have totally disappeared in four days.

Yorkman

10-08-11, 09:47

I'm similar to you, I've been on 20mg cit for a week. I find it hard going, yesterday i was in bed most of the day.
I also used to often have alcohol to take the edge off ( just a few shorts at night) but I haven't had a droP since Starting the cit.

no_name

10-08-11, 10:14

2-4 weeks to improve your current condition and probably another month to make you feel 'normal' like before. Well, everybody's different of course, but as i said you have to take the medicine at least a month before discussing the further options with your Dr. no matter if the medicine works for you or not (of course, if you can cope with the side effects and they are not unbearable).

Pongowaring

10-08-11, 16:46

Thanks, no_name.

Yorkman - I have a feeling not drinking is making it way more difficult.I guess I had come to rely on it more than I would have liked to admit.

What sort of side effects are you having?

Pongowaring

10-08-11, 22:59

Well, today was pretty horrible.

This evening, I know it's not advisable, but I allowed myself half a glass of wine, and the effect was pretty immediate - much calmer.

I'm hoping this will now help me get some sleep this evening.

Pongowaring

12-08-11, 12:41

Well, today is day 7.

Yesterday, I felt a little perkier, managed to do some work (at home) which helped me a lot.

I think part of the key with the side effects is to try not to dwell on it (which is hard given that a couple of days before, I felt worse than I've ever felt in my life) and to try to find something to do to keep your mind busy.

Last night I actually felt considerably better, left the house for a bit (only to go to the supermarket, buy hey, at the start of this week, I could barely stand up, I felt so awful).

This morning, woke up feeling pretty anxious and concerned that yesterday was just a blip and it was going to be bad, and I've been so-so all day, but again, nowhere near as bad as earlier this week.

NB though, I am currently looking at "how do I get to feel like i was BEFORE I started the tablets last week" - ie how long till the side effects wear off sufficiently.

I'm not at that point yet, still not feeling too good, but it is bearable.

Once I get to the point i was at last week, pre meds, then I'll look at it in terms of "how long till I feel better than I had been feeling for months before that".

On the positive side, the sheer unpleasantness of this week has shown me two things I can be positive about

1. I thought I was as bad as it could get before i took the meds. I have now had a taste of the fact it can actually be much worse. I'll take that as a positive going forward.

2. When the side effects were worst, on Tuesday, and I was a jibbering wreck, I thought it was not going to get any better for a long while. I now know that this was not the case, which gives me more hope for the long term.

Pongowaring

15-08-11, 04:56

Day 10.

weird. Yesterday and the day before, started feeling much better. Was out and about quite a lot (weekend).

Thought about going back to work the next few days.

Then, tonight (well, 2 hours ago) woke up at 3am feeling awful, shaking uncontrollably, sweating, head incredibly woozy, like the evening of day four. Currently lying in bed with a wet towel on my head to cool down, but it was absolutely horrible.

It was a bit strange, not a panic attack as I normally experience them, but a horrible whooshing, feeling in my head.

I'm a bit scared, the side effects seemed to have subsided hugely the last couple of days but now I feel a bit back at square one after a spell free of the side effects.

I do wonder, though, the last thing I did before going to bed was take two Kalms. I wonder if this is a coincidence.

Pongowaring

17-08-11, 22:43

After a truly hideous day 10, I've had a pretty excellent day 11 and 12.

Girlfriend had the day off, so we went out for the day, had a nice, pretty relaxed time. For the first time since starting cit I felt it was working for me rather than against me.

I know it won't be all plain sailing but I hope this is the start of a corner being turned.

Yorkman

18-08-11, 00:57

Stay off the kalms mate! They don't mix. I've been taking nytol, the one a night ones.
Last week I was quite good, well ok anyway! I cleaned the outside windows, car and garage aswell. Yet for the last 2 days ( days 16&17 if cit ) I've felt Like absolute crap, so so low in a morn and very anxious and upset.
I also feel like I've gone back to square one.
I'm at the docs on Friday for a review so will let you know.
I hope you get well too. Let us know how it's going.

Tero

18-08-11, 01:40

Each day is different. The causes of anxiety are not the same every day.

Pongowaring

19-08-11, 20:22

Days 13 and 14 were pretty good.

Slight wobble while out and about today, and I still feel really edgy and anxious in the mornings, but on the whole I am still way, way better than i was this time last week.

I'm going to go back to work on Monday. Hopefully, having something to immerse myself in for eight hours a day will give me another leg up.

mizfiesta

21-08-11, 09:58

Yorkman

21-08-11, 14:18

Mizfiesta things will improve! I've been in it for 3 weeks and I think I am slowly improving. So hang on in there!!
Things will improve, just keep telling your doctor how you feel. I was at the docs on Friday and I made a few notes incase i forgot to ask ,to discuss with the doc.
Keeping me on 20mg untill my next appointment in 2 week.

Keep with it and good luck !

Pongowaring

21-08-11, 23:00

I started taking 10mg of Cit on Tuesday 2nd August and was upped to 20mg on Tuesday 16th August. I've had increased feelings of anxiety since starting them and I've been in the house quite a lot.

So yesterday was day 5 on the increased dose and I had a really bad day. I went up to town centre and felt really jittery and panicky. I couldn't even stand at cashline long enough to withdraw money as I was having a full blown panic attack and everything seemed 'weird'. I had to go straight home. Not good when I've no money in my purse and no food in the house. Has anyone had days when first taking Cit when leaving the house is nigh on impossible? And will things improve. I'm a bit scared I become housebound.

That's exactly what I am like when my anxiety us really bad, in the few days before i went on citalopram and certainly since being on it, it was really bad, although it is getting better.

I find it really hard being in any situation where I can't just turn around and walk away, so, for example, I will be in a queue in a shop and feel utterly awful and be thinking "come on, come on" when people ahead of me are getting served slowly, because I'm going to have a panic attack.

It is ridiculous, I'm a 40 something man who runs his own business but freaks out when stuck in a queue at Starbucks.

What I will say is that in the two weeks since going back on cit, I have started to feel better, and if I had to describe it, I would say that the feelings still feel like they are coming but then something in my head kicks in and tells me not to give a toss about it.

mizfiesta

22-08-11, 09:34

Yorkman and Pongo thanks for your responses. Pongo I totally get what you mean about queues. Before I went to the cashline I went into a small shop (couldn't even try supermarket) for a bottle of water and there was an older woman in front of me who seemed to take an age to leave the shop as she was gabbing away and very slow to pack her stuff. I was practically hopping from one foot to the other in agitation (not literally as I guess I appear calm but I am SO not inside) and was just about to put my water down and run out the shop when she finally moved. I find it easier to fish out the exact money so I don't have to wait for change. Like you, I'm a 41 year old woman who to the outside world is confident and sensible - I certainly do not feel like that in any way shape or form right now. God willing these tablets work x

Pongowaring

24-08-11, 10:46

Yes, mizfiesta, I know exactly what you mean.

I also tend to pay cash rather than by card if it all possible, as it tends to be quicker!

It's daft, really, but I guess it is another example of the vicious circle - you get anxious in a certain situation one time, you then worry about being in that situation and getting anxious, next time you're in that situation, you are anxious about being anxious etc etc, it is a self fulfilling prophecy really.

Pongowaring

24-08-11, 10:51

Day 18 - went back to work. It was OK on the whole, felt reasonably good all day.

Day 19 -normal day at work. Had some "non routine" stuff to do which made me somewhat more anxious, but managed to keep a lid on things.

Day 20 - today. working from home, woke up feeling rather more anxious than I have in recent days. No idea why.

mizfiesta

25-08-11, 10:00

Pongo, do you work with the public or in some job where you have to face a lot of people? I always think this is harder. I would like a job that involves me in a wee dark room somewhere on my own lol

CarrieHunter

25-08-11, 11:48

Hi wanted to reassure you I had horrendous side effects both times taking this drug - for about 3 days i had electric currents running through my skin, my skin burned hot and cold, really bad sweats, racing thoughs, felt as if I was losing it bigtime, really dry mouth, clenching of muscles, total dissapearance of apetite - but - this drug has truly been a miricle drug for me - i am 2 months down the line and i am much much improved - my doc says i will have to wait 6 months before full effects - i cannot reommend this drug enough - my OCD & phobias has all but dissapeard and i feel so great every day - it really does deaden negative persistant intursive thoughts.. if you experience euphoria in your 2nd week aparently this is a good sign as it means it is very likely to work for you - good luck

Yorkman

25-08-11, 13:01

What strength are you on please??
Ive been on 20mg for nearly 4 weeks and I'm doubting if it's the correct drug?
Will I know if its working??? And how??
Had a bad morning yet again today

mizfiesta

26-08-11, 09:23

cathycrumble

26-08-11, 15:05

What strength are you on please??
Ive been on 20mg for nearly 4 weeks and I'm doubting if it's the correct drug?
Will I know if its working??? And how??
Had a bad morning yet again today

Yorkman you do make me laugh in a good way as I know anxiety and depression isn't nice but me and you are still waiting for this amazing feeling I am sure it will come I am feeling bit better but as you know I had a s**t day at begining of the week a blip as thy call it lol. But like you my mornings are the pits still I am sure it will change for us soon. The nerves and palps have died down now since i woke this morning I have kept busy and my phobia I have I am looking at a more positive side of it and telling myself things to make me feel better. I would say that if you feel an extra 10mg would help, you go for it and see how you get on good luck yorkman. :)

Cathy xx

Pongowaring

26-08-11, 18:01

Pongo, do you work with the public or in some job where you have to face a lot of people? I always think this is harder. I would like a job that involves me in a wee dark room somewhere on my own lol

Hi

No, I work for myself and just sit in a room with four employees. I don't need to do much client facing stuff, so it's easy!

I know exactly what you mean, though.

How are you getting on?

Pongowaring

26-08-11, 18:03

Day 21 - Fine. Went to work, got a lot done, came home feeling fine.

Day 22 - Woke up at 3am feeling utterly awful. Got next to no sleep, went into town this afternoon, came home after about 10 minutes as I felt so incredibly anxious.

It's so frustrating, I have had a pretty good week, but then have a big crash like this at the end of it.

Did anyone else experience this in the early days? Feeling pretty down about it today

mizfiesta

26-08-11, 18:39

Hi Pongo, I'm only on day 11 of the 20mg Citalopram dose. I am more or less ok when I'm at home but I'm really anxious when I have to go outdoors. I can't really walk anywhere and just go short distances in my car. I don't think I've drove any further than the one mile up to my Mum's in recent days and even then I'm very anxious to get back home.

I've been getting a lot of palpitations so my GP prescribed me Propranolol yesterday. I started them today (80mg slow release) so I'm hoping they help with the jitteryness. I've read quite a bit about Propranolol on here and they seem to really help with the physical symptoms of anxiety. It's certainly worth a try.

Would you say the Citalopram has increased your anxiety since you've been taking it?

Pongowaring

26-08-11, 19:10

Well, in the first few days, it sent it absolutely through the roof, I'd say for about a week or so.

Then it started to settle down again, to the point that this week I felt a little bit better than I had done before I started taking the cit (it is three weeks now).

I took that as meaning I'd been through the really tough opening period, but today was a kick in the teeth, coming as it did totally out of the blue.

I have been prescribed it before, and had an awful experience that time too when i started, but not as bad as this time. I think the difference this time is that back then, I was also on bisoprolol (primarily for high blood pressure), which I am not this time.

I'd definitely feeling it tougher this time around.

I'm very lucky, though, I can work from home pretty much when I need to (although I've been in the office most of this week), and my partner is very supportive.

mizfiesta

26-08-11, 19:37

Surely the side effects won't go on for much longer now if you've been on them three weeks. I personally hope mine get better soon as I'm beginning to feel like a hermit. :doh:

hyg

26-08-11, 23:23

Hi all,
just thought Id drop in to this thread. Im coming up to the 3 week point tomorrow and have been increasing my dose gradually. Ive done 10 mg for 10 days then 15mg for 7 now today I went upto 20mg. Ive needed reassurrance from my gps a couple of times over the last 2 weeks (one phonecall and one visit ! )My GP said I was getting agitation symptoms and said to keep increasing unil I was on 20mg. Now just to add to all that Ive had a water infection as well so now on antibiotics for that ! so i feel quite crap now. Im also slightly embarrassed about the number of times Ive rung or seen my GP in the last month( 5 or 6 times lol ) I think health anxiety must be my main problem!!!! Hopefully the cit will help with this and I can relax about my health.
Im glad I joined this site as it helps a lot offloading and knowing others are on this journey. x:yahoo:

Pongowaring

27-08-11, 00:08

Surely the side effects won't go on for much longer now if you've been on them three weeks. I personally hope mine get better soon as I'm beginning to feel like a hermit. :doh:

I hope not, but reading this site, it seems they can go on for a while.

On the bright side, apart from last night and today, I have had a pretty decent week, certainly way, way better than last week.

What I find hard is, when I have a blip, it often happens in the night - I'll wake up at 3am ish feeling very, very agitated and anxious, struggle to get back to sleep and feel terribly anxious all the next day.

The consequence of that is that the next day - in this case, today is that day - I really put off going to bed because I'm scared I am going to wake up in a massive knot of anxiety half way through the night.

Pongowaring

29-08-11, 00:08

Day 23 - Bad in the morning, felt a little perkier in the afternoon. Managed to get some sleep, which was a bonus.

Day 24 - Not too bad, slightly less anxious, felt better in the evening.

The last three days have been incredibly frustrating. During last week, I felt much better and managed to go to work and be relatively "normal", but I've had three days of the way I felt shortly after going on Citalopram - ie pretty dreadful.

I'm aware of the fact that you quite frequently get worse when you start, and then have good days and bad days, but I'm worried that the bad - good day ratio is so bad still, and that the bad days are so tough.

mizfiesta

29-08-11, 10:17

If you've not had any relief by week six of your treatment I'd perhaps discuss increasing your dose to 30mg with your GP. Of course you may have a couple of weeks of side effects with the increased dose but hopefully the higher dose may better control your symptoms.

I'm on day 14 of 20mg and just feel miserable. I've not been over the door for a couple of days. I would gladly sleep till 6pm every day as I'm really not good with the early part of the day. Wish I could fast forward to week six to see if I'm getting any relief.

Pongowaring

29-08-11, 13:42

That's the thing, though, last week I did feel much better for four or five days, then Friday - boom - straight back down again.

Having a pretty awful day today. Don't feel like I can get out of the house. One thing I have managed to do is get out and about for an hour or two every day but today I feel so horrible, I am not going to.

Went to bed last night, fell asleep easily, woke up at 3, bolt awake and very anxious. Struggled to get back to sleep again.

Lack of sleep is making it all worse.

mizfiesta

29-08-11, 13:48

Have you tried listening to some relaxation/hypnotherapy tracks? I do it daily. I know it sounds a bit 'new age' but it does help. I've a couple of different length ones to choose from. The best so far is the ones by Andrew Johnson or Glenn Harrold. I listed to the one by Andrew Johnson (Relax) when I go to bed at night and it really helps to relax and it's better than poring over all my negative 'chatter' in my head. You should give it a try and see if it helps with your sleep. I've provided a link for you to check it out.

http://www.withandrewjohnson.com/recording/relax/

mizfiesta

29-08-11, 13:51

P.S if you've had a disturbed sleep during the night go for an hour in the afternoon. Try and catch up on sleep as much as you can. I always think sleep can heal the mind and body so it's important you get enough. A lot of people can't bear the thought of sleeping through the day as they think it's a lazy thing to do but, needs must.

I'm Scottish and refer to it as 'a wee hauf 'oor in the shawl'...work that one out!

Pongowaring

29-08-11, 13:53

Hi

Thanks for the link, I will check it out.

The stupid thing is that my actual mood isn't really too bad. I'm not necessarily sitting around worrying or thinking about stuff all the time, it is that I am getting the physical symptoms of anxiety all day - chills down my arms, weak legs, dizzy, sligthly nauseous, shaky.

It's infuriating as it feels so out of control.

The only thing I can think is that it is the thing with the initial period on the citalopram making it worse, as I didn't feel anywhere near this bad before taking them.

On the bright side, at least it's doing "something".

mizfiesta

29-08-11, 14:07

I've been exactly the same on Citalopram, it is definitely made me feel even more 'on edge'. I went to see my GP on Thursday and she prescribed me Propranolol, which is a beta blocker and it 'quietens' down your body's physical reaction to all the adrenaline that's being released due to anxiety. The past couple of days I've definitely noticed a difference. The palpitations for one are not as noticeable now. Maybe you should speak to your Doc about getting them prescribed. A lot of people on this site have said how helpful they are in treating anxiety.

Pongowaring

29-08-11, 14:32

Mizfiesta, I definitely think the reason it is so much worse for me this time than it was last time is down to the fact that last time I was also given Bisoprolol, which is also a beta blocker.

It was clearly dulling the anxiety a lot more than I thought.

I am going to see the doctor this week, so will mention it to her.

How would you describe the change in you pre and post Propanolol?

Pongowaring

30-08-11, 12:19

Well, after another utterly awful night of zero sleep and waking up full of anxiety, I got myself an appointment for this morning with the doctor.

He initially suggested switching to Sertraline, but I was concerned that I'd effectively be throwing away four weeks put in on Citalopram, and that Citalopram had worked for me before.

End result was that I am halving my dose of cit for 10 days and have also been prescribed Bisoprolol to take the edge off the anxiety.

Fingers crossed this works.

mizfiesta

30-08-11, 12:44

Hi Pongo, pre Propranolol I was having palpitations which post propranolol have lessened in frequency, and they've 'quietened' down a bit. I feel as if my body is 'quieter' in general which sounds strange but I'm sure you know what I mean.

So, you're going down to 10mg of Cit?? What's the Doctors thinking behind that? Are you gradually stopping them to prepare to take Setraline?

I thought the Doc would've perhaps increased your dose to 30mg of Cit to see if that would work (your on 20mg Cit just now right?). I totally understand about you being reluctant to start Sertraline after putting up with Cit and all it's side effects for four weeks. It is hard going. I'm only two weeks in with the 20mg dose and the thought of another two weeks with no let up of this damn anxiety freaks me out.

I went out for a walk just a short time ago and felt so anxious I didn't really go far - top of the road and back which is only about 400 yards, if that. So bloody fed up.

Pongowaring

30-08-11, 12:59

Hi Miz

No, his thinking is that he'll reduce me to 10mg for 7-10 days, then I'll move up to 15 (10 one day, 20 the next) and see if that goes ok, until I get back to 20, which is what I am on now.

He was pretty understanding when I raised the point about not throwing away what I've been through so far. I told him that last week, I was quite happily driving in to Birmingham for work every day (40 miles each way up the motorway), I felt so much better, whereas since Friday I felt so bad the thought of doing that was out of the question.

I think if I hadn't had that much improved week, I'd have been more happy to move off Citalopram and on to something else, which he understood, and he also was receptive when I said the Bisoprolol I had taken last time around was a big help, too.

More than anything what I need is to be able to get some decent sleep. For the last five nights or so, I've been managing to fall asleep OK but then waking up without fail two hours or so later, bolt upright and full of anxiety.

I then get into a vicious circle of no sleep -> feel even more anxious in the mornings than I would have done (and my anxiety is always much worse in the morning anyway) -> feel anxious all day -> don't sleep -> repeat.

I'm glad you're trying to get out the house, though. If you are anything like me, it will help. I'm not one of those "get up and go" people by any stretch of the imagination, but I do find that the worst thing for me to do, no matter how ill I feel, is to mope around the house thinking about it any more than I really have to.

I felt dreadful when I went to the doctors this morning, and sure I was going to spend 30 mins in the waiting room having waves of panic (it was a "turn up and wait" appointment), but when I got there it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

When I got back I decided not to get changed into my slouching-around clothes and to try and stay active for the rest of the day.

I honestly think it's worth you trying to get out for a walk as much as you can, no matter how hard it is.

Andrew (Pongo's not my real name, obv)

mizfiesta

30-08-11, 14:26

Hi Andrew, yea you're right, I really need to make a concerted effort to go for even the briefest of walks as I'm finding the longer I stay indoors for, the bigger the deal it is when I have to go out. The thought of bumping into anyone I know while out walking is another stressor for me right now as I'd feel even more anxious that I can't just walk away. I think I'd feel better going out in the dead of night! Obviously I won't do that for safety reasons.

How are you around people just now? I find myself avoiding everyone like the plague. I even ignore the phone. The only people I really see and speak to are my Mum or my daughter. I'm just so anti social right now.

Well hopefully you'll get some reprieve from the side effects on the lower dose of Cit. Perhaps the Doc should've prescribed a short dose of Temazepam to help you catch up on sleep and perhaps it would kick start your sleep cycle. Even a good three or four nights worth would do you good.

Irene (not as interesting as mizfiesta but at least there's a hurricane going around which is named after me!)

Pongowaring

30-08-11, 14:53

Hi Irene

I know exactly what you mean about the longer you stay indoors, exactly. I also get the anxiety about bumping into someone I know thing, too.

Last week I popped into town but came straight home when I felt incredibly anxious. As I was walking back to the car park, I was wondering whether I'd even make it back there. The thought crossed my mind "God, imagine bumping into someone you know now". Thankfully, Birmingham's a big place, so unlikely ;)

I avoid people too when I am feeling really anxious, I also don't like making phone calls and will put them off. I'll also - and this is stupid - jump out of my skin when the phone rings.

It's weird though. Last week I felt well enough to be at work and interacted normally with colleagues, but the last few days ... totally different. I've not wanted to speak to anybody really.

My anxiety is something that has been with me for, I reckon, 12 years now. I can pinpoint pretty much exactly when it started. Most of the time I manage to keep a lid on it. I find it tends to get to me in certain situations, and these tend to be ones in which "making a quick exit" would be tricky. So, work meetings, meals in restaurants, flights, that sort of thing, but I manage to keep it under control most of the time and it doesn't impact my life too much.

My problem is that I have episodes when it gets a bit *too much* for me. Looking at how other people describe their panic attacks, I see a lot of things that I don't really experience. I've never had the heart thumping through the rib cage or the gasping for breath thing, for example. Mine tend to make me incredibly shaky (as if I am very hungry), dizzy, dry mouthed, and unable to concentratae on anything.

I tend to get a large number of small attacks like that rather than massive ones. When it gets too much is whenI find them happenig too often, and I start avoiding situations I associate with them.

So, supermarkets or shop queues recently were a bad one for me, for example, I went through a phase of a month or so when I'd feel like that almost every time I got stuck in a queue somewhere. That's the sign of a spell where I know I need to see a doctor about it, because it's getting too much.

I've had to do that (medication) four times now in those 12 years, and it has generally worked out for me each time, but I always find myself reacting really badly to the medication at first.

I do have some sleeping tablets, Imovane, which work, but my problem recently isn't the falling asleep part so much (I've always been a decent sleeper in terms of nodding off) but the staying asleep part, so I don't know how much they were helping me with that.

What do you do while you're at home in the day?

Reason I ask is, if you struggle to get out for a walk, the other thing that I find helps is keeping myself busy doing something, no matter what it is, just something to concentrate. I actually ripped out and replaced a load of our laminate flooring last month, and got a load of therapeutic value out of being kept busy for so long.

I also find - and you might be different - that places like this are a great help, but it's easy to spend too long on the internet reading about your condition, and before you know it, you're making it worse by surrounding yourself with it all day long. It just makes you think about it more.

Oops, sorry, this has turned into a bit of a ramble!

mizfiesta

30-08-11, 15:19

A lot of the things which trigger your panic I can totally identify with including supermarkets and queues. I even find going to the hairdressers (and having to sit still in the chair) a stressor. After a lot of years of having episodes of panic (I first experienced them when I was 19) I was able to do most of the day to day kinda things like go to the hairdressers and whilst panic fleeted into my thoughts I was able to catch it and eradicate it. Right now, the way I feel, there's no way I could go and get my hair done - I'll have to wait it out.

There's absolutely no way at any point during these 20 years or so I would have considered going on a plane (so you've done tremendous) and there's a multitude of other things I've shrunk from or certainly not made it a frequent occurrence. These include; going on a train, travelling on a motorway (either as a passenger or driving myself), going in a lift etc etc.

Like you I don't know how I'm going to feel on a day to day basis. Yesterday I went to Tesco (partly because I really needed to). I was semi anxious but nothing major though I can't go through the normal check out - I have to use self serve. This is because a couple of weeks ago I took a massive panic attack while being served. I was trying to pack the shopping bags and pay the girls and all the time my body, including my arms, were all that kinda 'numb' way as if they're not going to move and everything around me has an air of unreality - it's hard to explain.

I've a dislike of the bright lighting in a lot of places i.e shops and supermarkets, and think it triggers some kind of panic response in me. Lot's of small stuff does though.

Irene

mizfiesta

30-08-11, 15:28

At home in the day I read newspapers/magazines, listen to relaxation recording and play onine solitaire (how sad!) on this site - I think I'm addicted to it! It occupies my mind for a wee while at least.

I totally agree with you about focusing on the negative aspects of this condition and sometimes I get concerned reading posts about how it can affect people and hope that it doesn't affect me to the degree it has them. I think panic strikes us all differently though, and I read that if you've had panic for a while, there's nothing new that it's going to do to you. It will affect your body in the way it has done as that's where you're susceptible. For example, I've never been sick as obviously my stomach is strong and the adrenaline doesn't affect it negatively.

Pongowaring

30-08-11, 17:04

You're definitely right, it affects people in different ways.

I too get that depersonalised, "unreal" feeling you mentioned. I also get it a lot in brightly lit places, too. Also, I find - and this is another "in shops" thing - that really hot, stuffy shops always seem to make me feel pretty anxious. Marks and Spencer is one for that, it always seems too hot in there.

I guess it is a vicious circle, really. I know what you mean about avoiding somewhere you had a panic attack previously, that's what I do. I try not to, as I know that the avoidance is just feeding it, but it is very hard.

I also find that I get anxious in what might seem "trivial" situations, like making a phone call or waiting in a queue in the post office, yet straight after I can go to a football match and sit with 40,000 people and not be at all anxious.

It's infuriatingly illogical!

mizfiesta

30-08-11, 17:45

It certainly is. I don't like to tell people I suffer from 'nerves', as how do you even begin to explain what it's like when it's so hard to understand yourself. Only a fellow sufferer will know where you're coming from.

To most people I appear calm and confident and I've grown so adept at throwing a veil over my anxiety most of the time. Just now I guess I haven't got the energy to 'put a face on it' so I've kinda withdrew from the world.

Like you, for this more recent bout of anxiety/panic I was aware over the last few months that they were happening more frequently. They usually only happen when I overstretch myself or perhaps push my 'boundaries' a bit, but I don't really take too much notice of them. But I did start to notice them this time. They started occurring when I went to my twice weekly fitness class and at one point I could dismiss them, but instead I eventually stopped going to my fitness class. And so it continued until I got so worn down with them, I done the same as you and went to my GP.

Pongowaring

30-08-11, 22:18

I haven't really told many people what is wrong with me.

My parents don't know, because they'll just worry. My employees think it's just high blood pressure that is making me take it easy for a few weeks. I haven't really told any of my friends, because I'd just rather it wasn't "out there".

I know what you mean about your outward appearance, though. I frequently used to think when talking to people and acting "normal" - "if only you knew what was going on inside, and what I'm keeping a lid on".

This time around I went back to the doctor when I realised it was happening to me four or five times a day, and in certain situations, every time I went somewhere or did something.

I'd had the odd attack or wobble all the time during my "ok" period, but I managed to keep a lid on it without resorting to avoidance too much.

This time around I was avoiding so many situations that it was starting to interfere with my day to day life, and that's no good to anyone.

mizfiesta

01-09-11, 10:24

Hi Andrew, how are you feeling now? Any difference with the beta blockers and the reduced dose of Cit?

Pongowaring

01-09-11, 15:49

Day 30 - Woke up after another dreadful night of waking at 2am full of anxiety and not getting back to sleep again to decide i couldn't take much more of it. Went to doctor, reduced to 10mg and put 5mg Bisoprolol on top - as that is what i had last time, which made it easier.

Strangely, for rest of the day (not to do with reduced dose, as I hadnt taken it yet) i felt much better.

Day 31 - Woke up pretty anxious. Felt it dissipate late morning. Annoyingly, i jarred my back and spent the day immobile on the sofa, watching old war films. Not because I was too anxious to do anything else, but because my back was so painful!

Slightly more anxious when i went to bed at approx 11.30 - basically as I was worried i was going to get no sleep again. Fortunately, although I did wake up, it was at 6am rather than 2am, and it wasn't anxiety that caused it - it was my back pain!

Day 32 - Went to work for half a day today, feel reasonably ok. Slight late afternoon wobble, but largely a lot better.

Pongowaring

01-09-11, 15:51

Hi Andrew, how are you feeling now? Any difference with the beta blockers and the reduced dose of Cit?

Hi.

As mentioned above, a bit better today and yesterday. I do think it will make (or is starting to make) a difference.

Determined to get myself out today so went to work for half a day. Was pretty much fine. Stopped off at supermarket on way back, was fine.

Waiting ages for drink (decaf coffee, how horrible, but of all the chains, Starbucks seems to be the only one whose decaf tastes even remotely like coffee) at Starbucks, started to feel pretty anxious, but rode it out.

I do feel a little better for it. I suspect having had a bit more sleep last night has made a difference as well.

I'm being cautious, though, as the week before last, I felt even better than this, and then had a massive crash last weekend when i felt worse than ever.

How have you been keeping, Izzy?

mizfiesta

01-09-11, 17:28

Hi Andrew,

I had a rubbish day yesterday. I was going to drive up to my Mum's house which is only 1 mile up the road (can't walk anywhere just now as anxiety so bad), but when I got in the car I felt so anxious, and felt I couldn't get a proper breath, that I just went back in the house.
I knew on rising yesterday that I felt 'edgier' than usual. When I feel as bad as that there is absolutely no point pushing it. Today I felt much better (what is THAT all about! There's no rhyme or reason to this!) so I went for a 5 minute walk to top of my street and back then jumped in car and drove the half a mile journey to bakers shop then back home. So much better than yesterday.

I don't know how I'll feel from one day to the next. It's like I've absolutely no control over my anxiety - it's either really bad or manageable though I'm not really doing much different from one day to the next. It's a puzzle.

I was feeling really worried yesterday that I'm going to end up confined to the house 24/7. The Cit is definitely making me feel worse. I am determined to stay on the 20mg for the full six weeks as recommended though to see if they work or not. So another 4 weeks to go....scary...especially if there are many days like yesterday. But as I said to my Mum - if I don't feel well enough to leave the house then I won't. There is absolutely no point pushing it on a really bad day.

This is beginning to read like war and peace...bet you wish you hadn't asked.. :)

Irene

mizfiesta

01-09-11, 17:35

I was wondering earlier...when I started taking Citalopram, for the first two weeks I was on the 10mg dose before going up to 20mg. So my query is...if they say that you are supposed to give Cit at least six weeks to work for you, should you starting 'counting' from the date you start the 20mg dose, or from day 1 of the 10mg dose? Just a thought. I would imagine the six weeks will be from the start of the 20mg dose though as they say that that is the 'therapeutic' dose?

Pongowaring

06-09-11, 22:30

Well, a strange couple of days.

Yesterday (Monday) felt quite perky, went into work for the day, got quite a lot done, had a few meetings, no real problems at all.

Then in the night, I felt pretty tired, went to bed early (11ish), got to sleep quickly, then woke up at 1am.

Struggled to get back to sleep, then woke up again at 3. Didnt feel particularly anxious as I have when waking at night in the past, but felt incredibly alert and awake. Tossed and turned until about 5, then got the odd half hour or so of sleep till 9ish.

This morning worked from home, felt pretty anxious, then this afternoon felt absolutely terrible.

Even now, five or six weeks in, and having dropped to 10mg, it is a real rollercoaster ride. Feeling ok one day, awful the next.

How have you been, Irene?

mizfiesta

07-09-11, 09:46

Hi Andrew, I would say that over the past few days my anxiety has dampened somewhat. It's still there in the background and some days is more apparent than others, but that constant 'jittery' feeling has subsided somewhat. Whether this is the Cit doing it's stuff; the propranolol kicking in; or maybe it's just the side effects of the Cit beginning to simmer down I don't know. It's very welcome anyway. Isn't it ironic that the very drug prescribed to help your anxiety only serves to heighten it, at least in the beginning. Horrible.

I've also noticed that the constant negative 'chatter', which seemed to play like a stuck record in my mind, has gotten a lot quieter and there are sometimes I don't think about my anxiety at all - what a relief.

I must say though that in it's place, on and off the past few days, my mood at times has been quite low. This is probably because of everything that's happened the past six weeks or so re the anxiety, and the fact I feel I'm living a half life. I'm still off work sick and don't foresee me returning any time soon, if at all. So that's a worry financially for me. I still can't really be bothered with people and anytime a friend gets in touch to visit, I put them off.

On a positive note though I've also had days where I feel I'm getting back to my old self and feel relatively calm and positive (ish), so it's a mixed bag.

I tend, when I wake in the morning now, to open one eye very slowly and try to gauge what mood I'm in as it's a bit of a lottery just now! Am I going to be anxious or depressed or normal? Who knows!

I think my brain is beginning to adjust though and find it's way through the fog so I'm going to expect some ups and downs along the way. I think what'll happen is I may start out with the bad days outnumbering the good then that will slowly reverse. There's definitely some changes though and I'm just taking each day as it comes, and accepting the bad days/moods with the good and try not to get too disheartened on the bad ones.

How long have you to stay on the 10mg before going back up to 20mg Andrew?

Irene

Pongowaring

07-09-11, 19:56

That's really good that you're having some periods of feeling much better, really good!

I know exactly what you mean about waking in the morning, I am just like that as well. It's stupid really because you just make yourself more anxious through worrying about "what am I going to feel like", but it's hard not to do isn't it!

I've been on 10mg for 9 days now. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning at 8.30, and to be honest, I am trying to decide that to say.

If i look at the way I've felt since starting on citalopram, I have had hardly any days where I've felt better than i was before i started taking them - in other words, it has been pretty much downhill.

It is gone five weeks now, and I think that I should at least be on a level where I'm not worse than before I first went to the doctor's, but I'm not.

Don't get me wrong, I am functioning, in that I am going to work and doing my job etc etc, which is something I wasn't doing last week (or Monday of this week, for that matter), but I was managing that before the Cit, too.

I can't make my mind up what to suggest. My choices are:

- go back to 20
- stay on 10 for longer
- take him up on his suggestion last time, of switching to Sertraline.

Today I felt ok at work, got a fair amount done, but on the drive home randomly started feeling head whooshes. I've never really had those before going back on the citalopram, even when very anxious, so I'm pretty sure they're an effect of the drug. It brought it home to me that five weeks in, it is still having negative effects on me.

I'm concerned about switching to something else in case it dumps me back at square one with the onset of a new set of side effects.

I'm actually half tempted to suggest dumping the medication full stop and going with some CBT.

It's really hard to know what to do :-(

mizfiesta

07-09-11, 20:11

Hi Andrew, I wonder if the head whooshes are because you've lowered your dose? Google 'discontinuation syndrome' and you may find your symptoms are exactly that.

I can understand you'll be in a quandary about the next step to take. Only thing about dumping the meds and opting for CBT is the time it will take for a referral on the NHS _ unless you can go private? I had a referral for CBT months ago and I'm still waiting on an appointment.

Do you think your symptoms have lessened since taking the smaller dose?

Pongowaring

13-09-11, 13:13

Hi Irene

Sorry for the delay, had a busy while this week.

Well, I went off the Citalopram on Thursday (today is Tuesday, so this is day six without them, and just on the bisoprolol).

It has been a bit up and down since then.

Friday night, I had a terrible night, awake most of it, and getting head whooshes. As per usual after a tough night (same when I was on the cit), the day after, I was a wash out, felt awful all day.

But then Sunday I felt miles better, we spent the day out and about, doing stuff.

Yesterday, Monday, was good, too, came in to work as normal, felt pretty good. Only to have a really awful night last night again, and feel pretty rubbish today.

I'm imagining that although it may be out of my system, my brain hasnt yet adapted to the citalopram not being there, hence me having bad nights with the same symptoms. Hopefully it will end soon.

I'd also noticed that on evenings when I had, say, a glass of wine, I'd sleep ok, but if I upped it to two glasses, I would invariably have a bad one, so I am pretty sure alcohol has got something to do with it.

How have you been?

mizfiesta

13-09-11, 20:23

Hi Andrew, so you decided to stop taking Citalopram altogether? Did the Doc not suggest a gradual withdrawal as opposed to stopping 'cold turkey'?

Are you going to give antidepressants a miss for now or try another?

Well I have now been on 20mg of Cit for four weeks now. The side effects of heightened anxiety (I was already anxious before taking Cit but it made me even more agitated) have calmed down - touch wood! Anxiety still rumbling away in background but not as problematic.

I'm more depressed now than anything, but my depression has been hitting me on and off for a good while now so that's nothing new. I'm hoping the Cit takes care of both the anxiety AND the depression, which often go hand in hand anyway - one feeds the other etc etc.

I'm still off work (six weeks now) and bored out my skull, but at the same time I don't want to see anyone apart from my Mum really, so it's like a vicious circle.

My life isn't great just now, but I'm trying to remind myself that there are a lot of people who are worse off than me. I'm trying hard to get things in perspective but when you're prone to worrying it's really hard to adopt a positive mind set.

I'll just take things one day at a time. I wish I was one of them happy go lucky sorts who let life just wash over them.

Pongowaring

13-09-11, 22:39

I know what you mean, Irene. When I am feeling really anxious, I really, really don't want to see other people, and don't even like making phone calls!

I didn;t really take much pure time off - i was on the cit for, say, six weeks, and the first week was awful, but even then, I worked (from home) for the latter part of it. I have had days off in that period, but as I'm one of the owners of the company, one nice thing is that you don't have to explain your illness to a boss, but the flip side is that you also find it hard to escape fully from work, even when you need a break.

I think the "worse than me" thing is definitely worth keeping in mind, as there's a lot of truth in it!

What I am going to do is see how I go with just the bisoprolol. I have an appointment a week Thursday, which will be two weeks on just the bisoprolol. If that's going ok I might ask to stick with it. If not, another AD, probably.

Ironically, the last few weeks, I haven't felt depressed, despite feeling incredibly anxious. This last week or two, though, with repeated failure to sleep is starting to get me down.

I was lying in bed last night at 4am with my head whooshing, unable to grab so much as a wink of sleep, and felt like crying, it was so horrible and frustrating!

Pongowaring

13-09-11, 22:42

Sorry, forgot to say, I asked the doctor about tapering, and he said if i were on 30 or 40mg, yes, but I was only on 10 at that point, so it wasn't worth tapering off.

Also meant to say, it's really great that your side effects have lifted. Mine were the heightened anxiety (to insane levels at times) and the lack of sleep. I couldn't put up with them past the six weeks, as they weren't getting any better.

I always felt that if i could get, say, five or six good nights and day strung together, I'd have a good basis. I never did, though, i just feel horrible far too often.

AlmostThere

15-09-11, 04:21

Been following your thread and found it quite interesting. You've probably already seen this but just in case ...

Citalopram Survival Guide
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=46980

In the guide Adam suggests that 2 months is the minimum for assessing the effectiveness of cit. Maybe you should carry on till you get to 2 months? Also it sounds like the ideal dose varies for each person.

I'm 44yo male, self employed - my own experience is that I've been on cit 20mg for 4 months now (since early May). I started on 10mg for about 10days. I can't remember exactly when the side effects died down but I had my last bad day on Jul 18th after about 6 good days. Since then I've been back to normal. So the 2 month period was about right for me.

I took cit primarily for stress related anxiety. I'd lost quite a lot of weight, was finding it difficult to be round people and concentration/cognitive skills impaired quite a bit. I managed to keep function in my work as a software developer but avoided the more complex parts of my work.

The last week or two I've been sleeping well but getting tired during the day. Also I'm eating more than normal and have caught up my usual weight. I think I need to either switch to taking the dose at night or maybe reduce to 15mg.

Mark

Pongowaring

15-09-11, 23:14

Hi Mark

The problem i had was that over the six weeks or so, bar a few days here and there, I was actually much, much worse than before I started taking them, and was getting worse even as i stopped.

I genuinely don't think I could have put up with it for any longer, I know it often makes you worse before it makes you better, but it seemed far too much of a retrograde step and was making me deeply, deeply unhappy

I'm going to see how I go for the next week or so before my next appointment, and take it from there.

More than anything I could do with putting together a run of a few nights decent sleep, which I managed easily before going on the cit, but not at all whilst on it.

mizfiesta

16-09-11, 09:58

Andrew hopefully you'll start to feel better in the coming days and decide you're able to cope without anti depressants. If you feel though that you still need medication I was going to suggest you speak to your Doctor about Mirtazapine.

If sleep is one of your greatest problems then Mirtazapine could be the answer. I was on 'Mirt' for about six weeks last year and have never slept so well in my life - it basically knocked me out. I did feel really groggy in the mornings after taking it the night before and felt as if I could have slept the whole day, but it got better after a few days.

One of the reasons I stopped taking it was that I began to put on weight. Really quickly. It really increased my appetite, which it is notorious for. It is almost like you've got the 'munchies' (ever smoked pot as a teenager?). I didn't 'take' to the medication at all (bar the fact I slept like a baby) but what won't work for one may work for another, as you'll know yourself with Cit.

It's maybe worth a try, at least you'll be practically guaranteed a good sleep.

Pongowaring

16-09-11, 18:25

I might mention that to my doctor on Thursday.

To be honest, at the moment I am just happy I feel better than I did when i was on the cit. I guess what I need to do now is make sure i dont lose sight of the fact that I've still got a long way to go, and I certainly haven't turned against medication in getting help with that.

I've managed two consecutive nights of decent sleep now, but reckon that the cumulative effect of the last few weeks is still there.

Driving home from work today (at 4, bunking off early!) I felt so tired. Got back home and tried to sleep on sofa but struggled.

I could use catching up with it all to be honest.

mizfiesta

24-09-11, 13:55

Hi Andrew, how are you? How did you get on at the Doctors?

Pongowaring

24-09-11, 18:01

Hi Irene

Well, I went on Thursday and the doctor suggested trying me on Dosulepin, which is an older, tricyclic AD.

Took the first one last night, and have felt pretty rubbish all day today. I'm pretty sure it is just coincidence, though, and not the medication doing this, as I am starting on a very low dose.

Start with 25mg for 10 days, then up to 50, then 75. Apparently 75 is the usual dose, so I am working up to that slowly.

I was saying to the doctor how a major problem i have is insomnia. Not just in the normal sense that i feel tired the day after, but that there's a direct correlation between that and how anxious i feel the next day. If i sleep badly, I always - without fail - spend the next day feeling incredibly anxious.

Apparently dosulepin has a heavy sedative effect too, and that can help the insomnia, which is why he thought it'd be worth giving me a try on that one.

It was interesting the last two weeks on just the bisoprolol (which he has also kept me on), as I felt as I did at the point before i started getting treatment, ie back at square one. It did, however, make me realise just how much worse the citalopram was making me feel for those six weeks or so. I know you're supposed to tough it out, but I have been on cit before and remembered toughing it out that time, so knew what to expect, except this time it was far, far tougher, and not showing any real consistent sign of lifting.

How have you been?

nicola1980

24-09-11, 19:08

Good luck with the dosulepin i tried that b4 i started back on cit so looks like we're the opposite!! by the way whats bisoprolol??
Nicola xx

mizfiesta

25-09-11, 13:36

Hi Andrew, well I'd say my anxiety has 'dampened' down but my depression has gotten worse. I still stay at home most of the time and cannot be bothered with anyone or anything. I only venture out briefly to visit my Mum or if I've run out of milk or something.

I know I should be trying to 'pull myself out of it' but my 'get up and go' has got up and went. I've read a lot on depression self help and know that I shouldn't socially isolate myself and to try and find occupation/exercise, but at this stage I'm more comfortable on my own and just don't want to do anything.

I have the Doctors a week on Thursday and am seriously considering suggesting upping my dose to 30mg. I am soo not looking forward to an increase in side effects again as will inevitably happen. But I'm on this Citalopram journey now so I feel that I should at least try the increased dose (as recommended in Psychpoets 'sticky' journal) before I quit Cit altogether.

Right now I feel as if I'm in a worse place than what I was at the beginning - before Cit. Has Cit made me MORE depressed or would I have gotten like this anyway? Who knows.

I don't think it's too hard for me to look around and see what in my life could be causing me to be depressed. It's a vicious circle I think.

So, right now I'm just taking it day by day and living my sort of half life. And I feel guilty at feeling like this as I know there are people much worse off than me and making the best of what they've got.

Irene

Pongowaring

25-09-11, 18:43

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time of it, Irene.

I am a little different in that I don't feel depressed as such ... well, I say that, but the only thing that is depressing me is the anxiety, so it's very much the anxiety causing the depression than the other way around for me.

I'm trying to keep functioning as much as I can. I was at work most of last week, although I wasn't feeling particularly great, but this weekend i have been pretty bad. In fact, the weekends are always worse for me for some reason.

You are right, though, about other people being in worse situations. You come across people on here and elsewhere who are much worse off, and should really think how lucky you are to be how you are, rather than like them.

I think the thing that hits me most is frustration, though. The whole thing is so frustrating, I just want to get back to how I was a few months ago, but I don't know how to make that happen. It's like you can't do anything about it, you just have to sit it out and wait.

I feel a bit better this afternoon. I've sat down and had a glass of wine and watched my team play football, which is relatively therapeutic.

Of course, tonight is Sunday and I never sleep on Sunday nights, so god only knows how I will feel tomorrow morning.

It's tough, isn't it?

---------- Post added at 18:43 ---------- Previous post was at 18:41 ----------

Good luck with the dosulepin i tried that b4 i started back on cit so looks like we're the opposite!! by the way whats bisoprolol??
Nicola xx

Thanks, Nicola.

Bisoprolol is something i have been prescribed for high blood pressure (for which it seems to be working!) and also works on anxiety. It is a beta blocker.

x

cathycrumble

25-09-11, 20:26

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time of it, Irene.

I am a little different in that I don't feel depressed as such ... well, I say that, but the only thing that is depressing me is the anxiety, so it's very much the anxiety causing the depression than the other way around for me.

I'm trying to keep functioning as much as I can. I was at work most of last week, although I wasn't feeling particularly great, but this weekend i have been pretty bad. In fact, the weekends are always worse for me for some reason.

You are right, though, about other people being in worse situations. You come across people on here and elsewhere who are much worse off, and should really think how lucky you are to be how you are, rather than like them.

I think the thing that hits me most is frustration, though. The whole thing is so frustrating, I just want to get back to how I was a few months ago, but I don't know how to make that happen. It's like you can't do anything about it, you just have to sit it out and wait.

I feel a bit better this afternoon. I've sat down and had a glass of wine and watched my team play football, which is relatively therapeutic.

Of course, tonight is Sunday and I never sleep on Sunday nights, so god only knows how I will feel tomorrow morning.

It's tough, isn't it?

---------- Post added at 18:43 ---------- Previous post was at 18:41 ----------

Thanks, Nicola.

Bisoprolol is something i have been prescribed for high blood pressure (for which it seems to be working!) and also works on anxiety. It is a beta blocker.

x

Hi Andrew I have been reading through your posts and you have said you take Bisoprolol for high Blood pressure? I have a phobia about bp white coat syndrome. which has made me nervously ill. Have you had bp long and do you accept having it. I am on cit been on them 3months still not kicked in yet. But I was on them last Sep til march and I felt great after the 6 months and I stupidly stopped them cold turkey and I have suffered so I started them again been on 40mg for 10 weeks, Like you I had and have horendous side effects. They have died down a bit but I still feel butterflys in my tummy of a morning welll fear really I am waiting for CBT so I am hoping this will help me. All I can say is it is like a living hell this anxiety. But I am sure we will get back to our normal selves the only way is up lol.:yesyes:

Cathy xx

mizfiesta

25-09-11, 21:39

Cathy you said you've been on 40mg for ten weeks? And they're still not working? I'd have thought they should've been working by now at that dose?

I've been on 20mg for six weeks now and while the anxiety has dampened down a bit (initial side effects were awful) I still feel depressed. I'm thinking of moving up to 30mg to see if that will work.

How long should we give these damn things before we chuck the towel in? Surely to goodness I'm not going to be taking these things for months and months with no marked difference. :weep:

Pongowaring

25-09-11, 22:47

Hi Andrew I have been reading through your posts and you have said you take Bisoprolol for high Blood pressure? I have a phobia about bp white coat syndrome. which has made me nervously ill. Have you had bp long and do you accept having it. I am on cit been on them 3months still not kicked in yet. But I was on them last Sep til march and I felt great after the 6 months and I stupidly stopped them cold turkey and I have suffered so I started them again been on 40mg for 10 weeks, Like you I had and have horendous side effects. They have died down a bit but I still feel butterflys in my tummy of a morning welll fear really I am waiting for CBT so I am hoping this will help me. All I can say is it is like a living hell this anxiety. But I am sure we will get back to our normal selves the only way is up lol.:yesyes:

Cathy xx

Hi Cathy

The first time I was made aware it was a problem was about four years ago, when I felt my anxiety getting out of control and went to the doctor.

He checked my blood pressure and it was 179 / 110, ie miles too high. He put me on bisoprolol for it, and recommend i get a home BP testing machine and keep an eye on it.

To be entirely honest, high BP isn't something I worry about too much, in that it's something which is "silent" (in a bad way, admittedly), so it isn't going to affect my quality of life.

Over the last two months, i've quit drinking beer, lost a stone and a half, and my BP has come down quite a lot, last check today was 135/95, which isn't too bad at all.

As for citalopram, it has been really weird.

Last time i took them was four years ago. I remember having horrendous side effects at first, for a few days, then stopping taking them, then going back on them a couple of weeks later, and they worked for me.

This time around, though, it was way worse, far worse than I thought it would be, and for a long time, too.

Incidentally, the time i was on them four years ago, they worked for me, and I did what you did, stopped cold turkey. I had no side effects whatsoever from stopping. In fact, it was prob helped by the fact that my stopping seemed to start with forgetting to take them on a frequent basis, so i kind of accidentally tapered myself off them.

Hope you feel better soon xx

---------- Post added at 22:47 ---------- Previous post was at 22:45 ----------

Cathy you said you've been on 40mg for ten weeks? And they're still not working? I'd have thought they should've been working by now at that dose?

I've been on 20mg for six weeks now and while the anxiety has dampened down a bit (initial side effects were awful) I still feel depressed. I'm thinking of moving up to 30mg to see if that will work.

How long should we give these damn things before we chuck the towel in? Surely to goodness I'm not going to be taking these things for months and months with no marked difference. :weep:

The one thing I've learned from all this is that with this kind of illness there isn't an easy, pre-determined route to the answer.

My doctor said the same thing last week - "if you came here with a sprained ankle, I could treat you and prescribe you in a way which I know would lead to an answer, but with things like this, there is no easy, guaranteed to work answer to it all".

So, it's not as if 40mg is likelier to work than 20mg, or that one drug is likely to work and another isn't.

I tihnk that is the thing I find hardest to handle about all this. It is the fact that it is so "shot in the dark" and random, any you don't know how long it will go on being a problem for. It is just so frustrating.

The worst thing is that you can't plan things. We want to go away for a city break or something this year, but I'm worried about booking anything because I don't know how I'm going to feel when the time comes.

Annoying.

cathycrumble

26-09-11, 16:29

Yes I am like that to book something at this time with this anxiety I have is a pain as you just don't know what you will be like. and thanks for the advice about the blood pressure it is silent lol which I think is scary, but I really think it has beeen my anxiety that has made me focus on it as just seperated from husband and lost my job and a few other shit things happend to me last year no wander my bp went up. My prob is I just look at a bp machine and it goes up lol. I must say mine is not that bad. I had it done and it was 128/80 so dont have to get it done until next august and i can do it at home.

Also you are right you just can't say how long cit takes to work as it is different for everyone I feel ok one day then get a blip but for me I would say 4 to 6 months before I feel good well that's what happend last september when I first went on them. That is why I am sticking with them.

Cathy xx:shrug: