Horse
10-08-11, 11:32
It's not something we look forward to at the best of times, but as an Anxiety sufferer it is an event which has to be planned, right down to the smallest detail.......Grocery shopping!
Tesco, Waitrose, Sainsbury, Asda, Morrison etc., normally spells terror from a Health Anxiety point of view no matter how 'shopper friendly' the store is. My experience yesterday was slightly different from the normal visits I endure as a self-conscious, low self-esteem shopper.
As a person who lives alone, I have no choice when the need to restock the fridge beckons, I have to go shopping otherwise I starve! My Agorophobia tolerance probably just about extends as far as the supermarket providing I'm not in there too long and it's not too busy. However, yesterday was a bad choice in as much as I was having a pretty good day and had forgotton I was an Anxiety sufferer when I impulsively decided to pop into Tesco whilst passing.
The weather was warm and therefore I was wearing just shirt sleeves and jeans and although I've never been one to show off my muscle bulging nine and a half stones frame, today I felt good about myself!
Now then, do I have the shirt tucked in the jeans or shall I look cool and have it outside? I settle for outside, park the car and walk to the supermarket admiring the sun, blue sky and the fact that there are a lot of pretty ladies around today.
I grab a trolley and pull my list from my pocket only to discover that most of my loose change spills over the floor in all directions whereupon I suddenly notice I'm the centre of attention! Hurriedly I chase the pound coins first, only to discover they are in fact 10p pieces when I catch them. The next couple of minutes are spent with me looking at the floor trying to retrieve my petty cash much to the amusement of one little boy who I am sure was the main reason why I couldn't find any!
I'm approached by a very attractive young lady who hands me my shopping list that I have absent-mindedly dropped in my financial misfortune. Obviously the 'shirt outside the jeans' decision has payed off, I've pulled!
I thank her for her kindness and inform her that 'I'm having one of those days' whereby I then notice that as she hands me my list, in yellow fluorescent highlight marker, the word 'GERMALOIDS' cream is clearly visible. Yes ladies, Mr Cool has arrived!
I attempt to compose what little dignity remains, swiftly putting the list back into my pocket and saying that I don't think the list is mine. Naturally, this is overruled by the fact that the sole occupier of my trolley at this particular time is a bloody tube of 'Germaloids'!
It's at this point that I begin to feel the hot flush on it's way. My mouth is dry and my underarm deodorant is not doing the job it's suppose to do very well! Thank God I'm wearing a white shirt, at least I won't be getting those embarrassing visible wet armpit patches. Now I'm convinced that everyone is looking at me, they're not of course, but that's how it feels, especially when I put the tube of 'Germaloids' back on the shelf for the second time (the first time it fell off on the floor).
I was lucky. I had a trolley that went in a straight line, didn't have a mind of it's own, didn't have a squeaky wheel and was easy to push even for a nine and half stone weakling. Carefully I retrieved my list. Mouthwash (buy one get one free), Shampoo, Peppermints etc, including various items of edible matter, in particular Sausages.
It was then that it happened!
My trolley didn't squeak, judder, wobble or steer to the left. But, it started to make a noise very similar to, shall we say, one breaking wind!
Short, sharp bursts of flatulence every 5 seconds when walking slowly or 2 seconds if I speeded up! The last time I heard that sound was the night previous to my Colonoscopy after taking the laxative........Happy days!
I considered my chances. Do I go and get another trolley and transfer everything, or do I carry on regardless with a stiff upper English lip? I decided on the latter being as I had nearly finished. Just the Sausages.
I approached the 'chilled meat' section with caution.
A stroke of luck, no shoppers, I had the aisle to myself. I made a quick dash to the Sausages, fart, fart, fart, fart!
Suddenly, appearing from round the corner, there she was!
The pretty lady who rescued my shopping list.
I immediately reduced my farting trolley speed to a legal and less audible manner, trying to curb my embarrasement. Sadly I realised I was too late. I stopped! Pretending to show interest in the Pork Chops. Unfortunately, so did she!
This I could not tolerate. My Anxiety went to flight or fight........ I'm a coward!! Do I pass comment again or do I make my excuses and 'fart' round to the checkout? The decision was made up for me when she commented that she 'Never knows what to buy for dinner.' I needed to escape this encounter as soon as possible but my farting trolley inflicted me with paralysis. Not only that, but I was now suffering from that dreaded chilled cabinet disease..................ERECT NIPPLES!
Fortunately, there is a God and this was proven when a checkout assistant made an announcement over the tannoy. Swiftly, I made my excuses a hit the gas (no pun intended), made my way to the checkout and held my head high as I farted over to the car, nipples now normal.
Slumping back in my seat and letting out a deep rooted puff of air (orally), I reflected on my past experience as being just another day in the life of an Anxiety sufferer before realising...................I'd forgotton the bloody sausages!
Horse.
Tesco, Waitrose, Sainsbury, Asda, Morrison etc., normally spells terror from a Health Anxiety point of view no matter how 'shopper friendly' the store is. My experience yesterday was slightly different from the normal visits I endure as a self-conscious, low self-esteem shopper.
As a person who lives alone, I have no choice when the need to restock the fridge beckons, I have to go shopping otherwise I starve! My Agorophobia tolerance probably just about extends as far as the supermarket providing I'm not in there too long and it's not too busy. However, yesterday was a bad choice in as much as I was having a pretty good day and had forgotton I was an Anxiety sufferer when I impulsively decided to pop into Tesco whilst passing.
The weather was warm and therefore I was wearing just shirt sleeves and jeans and although I've never been one to show off my muscle bulging nine and a half stones frame, today I felt good about myself!
Now then, do I have the shirt tucked in the jeans or shall I look cool and have it outside? I settle for outside, park the car and walk to the supermarket admiring the sun, blue sky and the fact that there are a lot of pretty ladies around today.
I grab a trolley and pull my list from my pocket only to discover that most of my loose change spills over the floor in all directions whereupon I suddenly notice I'm the centre of attention! Hurriedly I chase the pound coins first, only to discover they are in fact 10p pieces when I catch them. The next couple of minutes are spent with me looking at the floor trying to retrieve my petty cash much to the amusement of one little boy who I am sure was the main reason why I couldn't find any!
I'm approached by a very attractive young lady who hands me my shopping list that I have absent-mindedly dropped in my financial misfortune. Obviously the 'shirt outside the jeans' decision has payed off, I've pulled!
I thank her for her kindness and inform her that 'I'm having one of those days' whereby I then notice that as she hands me my list, in yellow fluorescent highlight marker, the word 'GERMALOIDS' cream is clearly visible. Yes ladies, Mr Cool has arrived!
I attempt to compose what little dignity remains, swiftly putting the list back into my pocket and saying that I don't think the list is mine. Naturally, this is overruled by the fact that the sole occupier of my trolley at this particular time is a bloody tube of 'Germaloids'!
It's at this point that I begin to feel the hot flush on it's way. My mouth is dry and my underarm deodorant is not doing the job it's suppose to do very well! Thank God I'm wearing a white shirt, at least I won't be getting those embarrassing visible wet armpit patches. Now I'm convinced that everyone is looking at me, they're not of course, but that's how it feels, especially when I put the tube of 'Germaloids' back on the shelf for the second time (the first time it fell off on the floor).
I was lucky. I had a trolley that went in a straight line, didn't have a mind of it's own, didn't have a squeaky wheel and was easy to push even for a nine and half stone weakling. Carefully I retrieved my list. Mouthwash (buy one get one free), Shampoo, Peppermints etc, including various items of edible matter, in particular Sausages.
It was then that it happened!
My trolley didn't squeak, judder, wobble or steer to the left. But, it started to make a noise very similar to, shall we say, one breaking wind!
Short, sharp bursts of flatulence every 5 seconds when walking slowly or 2 seconds if I speeded up! The last time I heard that sound was the night previous to my Colonoscopy after taking the laxative........Happy days!
I considered my chances. Do I go and get another trolley and transfer everything, or do I carry on regardless with a stiff upper English lip? I decided on the latter being as I had nearly finished. Just the Sausages.
I approached the 'chilled meat' section with caution.
A stroke of luck, no shoppers, I had the aisle to myself. I made a quick dash to the Sausages, fart, fart, fart, fart!
Suddenly, appearing from round the corner, there she was!
The pretty lady who rescued my shopping list.
I immediately reduced my farting trolley speed to a legal and less audible manner, trying to curb my embarrasement. Sadly I realised I was too late. I stopped! Pretending to show interest in the Pork Chops. Unfortunately, so did she!
This I could not tolerate. My Anxiety went to flight or fight........ I'm a coward!! Do I pass comment again or do I make my excuses and 'fart' round to the checkout? The decision was made up for me when she commented that she 'Never knows what to buy for dinner.' I needed to escape this encounter as soon as possible but my farting trolley inflicted me with paralysis. Not only that, but I was now suffering from that dreaded chilled cabinet disease..................ERECT NIPPLES!
Fortunately, there is a God and this was proven when a checkout assistant made an announcement over the tannoy. Swiftly, I made my excuses a hit the gas (no pun intended), made my way to the checkout and held my head high as I farted over to the car, nipples now normal.
Slumping back in my seat and letting out a deep rooted puff of air (orally), I reflected on my past experience as being just another day in the life of an Anxiety sufferer before realising...................I'd forgotton the bloody sausages!
Horse.