Elsa_Alkaseltzer
10-08-11, 12:15
I've had it with not feeling well!!!!!
Sorry if this is TMI, but for the past 6 years I've had digestive issues ---- primarily gas. It started with bloating. Then it seemed like everything that I ate made me have to pass too much gas. Such a lovely problem to have. It got to the point that it was really impacting my life. When I'd have a long meeting at work, I'd have to eat really plain foods the day or two beforehand just to keep the gas at a minimum (e.g. baked chicken and white rice at every meal!) It was so weird, because I'd always had great digestion and then, bam!, something changed.
Of course I was told I had IBS. I even had a normal colonoscopy in 2006. But I started to think something else was wrong. Last fall I went to a new gastroenterologist, and she performed an upper endoscopy. It showed damage in my small intestine indicative of celiac disease. So I went on a strict gluten free diet. After 5 months, I had no improvement. Subsequent tests showed that I don't even have the genes needed to cause celiac disease. So we were back to square one. Only this time I couldn't just tell myself it was just IBS, because I had actual damage in my small intestine.
This means I had to have more tests. Such fun, especially when you have health anxiety. Anyway, I scored slightly high on a test indicating that I have an overgrowth of bacteria in my small intestine. So we started treating that w/ antibiotics. (Plus I take probiotics to keep good bacteria in my intestines.) The first round of meds yielded no improvement. But the second round definitely seemed to help. I noticed that even my worse trigger foods weren't causing much gas. And I could sit in meetings at work without gas building up inside of me. I went back to the doctor and told her about my progress. I knew I wasn't 100% better, but maybe 60% to 70%....and just to have progress was amazing, since I haven't had any in years. But a day after going to the doctor's, the gas seems to be building back up. And I am so upset about it, I feel like I am going to go off the deep end. Basically, I am losing hope of ever really being better.
My doctor had already told me that bacterial overgrowths don't usually go away completely, which is why I'll need to continue to treat it once a month. BUT, I expected more than 10 days of relief. I don't even feel like that's enough to make it worth it. I'm hoping I'll see more progress in the future. But as I sit here now, I feel so dejected.
To make matters worse, I am constantly afraid of having a serious underlying illness. It is ruining my life!!!!!!!!!! Since I also have a mild case of Raynaud's (a codition that restricts blood flow to my fingers in the cold), I always worry that my health problems could be caused by a connective tissue disease. (Raynaud's can be caused by connective tissue diseases, or it can happen in normal, healthy people.) I haven't been diagnosed with any of the things I'm worried about, but I am afraid the doctors just haven't found whatever is wrong yet. Since a bacterial overgrowth can also be cause by connective tissue diseases, I am absolutely out of my mind with fear. My GI doc has basically said she doesn't think that's what we're dealing with. She said sometimes you just never know what causes an overgrowth, and essentially I shouldn't worry about it. Easy for her to say.
Evryone just looks at me as a hypochondriac. And maybe I am. I don't know. I did spend years thinking I got HIV from kissing, and it took about 10 negative tests to convince me otherwise. But all I know is I don't feel well. And I'd like to know how I am not supposed to worry about my health when day in and day out I have weird symptoms?!! I am just sure there is something awful happening inside of me, and it is depressing. I have a wonderful husband, and a toddler who is the light of my life. I just want to be able to focus on being a good wife and mother, and not have to constantly worry that I am going to die and leave my family. It is awful.
I know this is long, and I apologize. I just have to get these thoughts out, because they are circling over and over in my head. I feel like no one understands me. I have a couple old internet friends with health anxiety, and we used to keep in touch via e-mail. But now that they don't have weird symptoms anymore, they don't have health anxiety either. And while that's great for them, I feel that I am just the one who never gets better. And they probably think I am a head case, but if I could feel well physically, I wouldn't worry about all these things. I hate this.
Sorry if this is TMI, but for the past 6 years I've had digestive issues ---- primarily gas. It started with bloating. Then it seemed like everything that I ate made me have to pass too much gas. Such a lovely problem to have. It got to the point that it was really impacting my life. When I'd have a long meeting at work, I'd have to eat really plain foods the day or two beforehand just to keep the gas at a minimum (e.g. baked chicken and white rice at every meal!) It was so weird, because I'd always had great digestion and then, bam!, something changed.
Of course I was told I had IBS. I even had a normal colonoscopy in 2006. But I started to think something else was wrong. Last fall I went to a new gastroenterologist, and she performed an upper endoscopy. It showed damage in my small intestine indicative of celiac disease. So I went on a strict gluten free diet. After 5 months, I had no improvement. Subsequent tests showed that I don't even have the genes needed to cause celiac disease. So we were back to square one. Only this time I couldn't just tell myself it was just IBS, because I had actual damage in my small intestine.
This means I had to have more tests. Such fun, especially when you have health anxiety. Anyway, I scored slightly high on a test indicating that I have an overgrowth of bacteria in my small intestine. So we started treating that w/ antibiotics. (Plus I take probiotics to keep good bacteria in my intestines.) The first round of meds yielded no improvement. But the second round definitely seemed to help. I noticed that even my worse trigger foods weren't causing much gas. And I could sit in meetings at work without gas building up inside of me. I went back to the doctor and told her about my progress. I knew I wasn't 100% better, but maybe 60% to 70%....and just to have progress was amazing, since I haven't had any in years. But a day after going to the doctor's, the gas seems to be building back up. And I am so upset about it, I feel like I am going to go off the deep end. Basically, I am losing hope of ever really being better.
My doctor had already told me that bacterial overgrowths don't usually go away completely, which is why I'll need to continue to treat it once a month. BUT, I expected more than 10 days of relief. I don't even feel like that's enough to make it worth it. I'm hoping I'll see more progress in the future. But as I sit here now, I feel so dejected.
To make matters worse, I am constantly afraid of having a serious underlying illness. It is ruining my life!!!!!!!!!! Since I also have a mild case of Raynaud's (a codition that restricts blood flow to my fingers in the cold), I always worry that my health problems could be caused by a connective tissue disease. (Raynaud's can be caused by connective tissue diseases, or it can happen in normal, healthy people.) I haven't been diagnosed with any of the things I'm worried about, but I am afraid the doctors just haven't found whatever is wrong yet. Since a bacterial overgrowth can also be cause by connective tissue diseases, I am absolutely out of my mind with fear. My GI doc has basically said she doesn't think that's what we're dealing with. She said sometimes you just never know what causes an overgrowth, and essentially I shouldn't worry about it. Easy for her to say.
Evryone just looks at me as a hypochondriac. And maybe I am. I don't know. I did spend years thinking I got HIV from kissing, and it took about 10 negative tests to convince me otherwise. But all I know is I don't feel well. And I'd like to know how I am not supposed to worry about my health when day in and day out I have weird symptoms?!! I am just sure there is something awful happening inside of me, and it is depressing. I have a wonderful husband, and a toddler who is the light of my life. I just want to be able to focus on being a good wife and mother, and not have to constantly worry that I am going to die and leave my family. It is awful.
I know this is long, and I apologize. I just have to get these thoughts out, because they are circling over and over in my head. I feel like no one understands me. I have a couple old internet friends with health anxiety, and we used to keep in touch via e-mail. But now that they don't have weird symptoms anymore, they don't have health anxiety either. And while that's great for them, I feel that I am just the one who never gets better. And they probably think I am a head case, but if I could feel well physically, I wouldn't worry about all these things. I hate this.