Fed up

[FriendlyBrunette1986]

Ok so I am feeling very lonely at the moment. I am currently single and have been since Jan. I cant find a guy and yes im afraid to admit it but I have been on dating sites and they are absolute waste of time. I dont go out much socially as no1 really to go out with. I cant meet the right guy at all and I think its probably to do with my social skills or something. Im not bad looking but I just cant seem 2 hold down a relationship and i feel ive been single longer than ive dated :( Tbh I think I would need a guy who has similar issues to me as then he could understand me alot more than a normal arragant cocky guy would. I have low confidence but on a good day i can be quite high. I take sleeping pills most nights and feel off my face. arrrggghhhh :( what a mess!!!:wacko::doh::unsure::lac:

[s-rose]

Hiya, I used to feel the same as you, i used to think it would be best to find a man with anxieties like my own. Been there done that and it ended in disaster!! I ended up on Anti Depressants as i just couldnt be the ''strong'' one in the relationship. I ended up far far worse than when we first started dating.
I am now married to a confident and understanding man, but he doesnt allow me to get away with much when it comes to hiding away from my anxieties as he has learnt that if i dont do what makes me afraid, i only get worse.
Sometimes i scream and shout at him for forcing me, but once ive done it i always thank him as things never seem as bad as i fear them.
I too have also been out for drinks with a guy from a dating site and it wasnt much fun, although we went for a nice meal, it just wasnt for me.

Want a new friend?? xx:blush:

[london]

come in chat that will put a smile on your face
god bless

[emmawalton]

the right man is out there for you he will appear when your not looking.

[CB3007]

the right man is out there for you he will appear when your not looking.

But surely the longer a person with anxiety waits for their right man/woman, the more anxious they'll get that it will never happen and thus go looking for them (and ignoring your advice). That's what I'm doing at the moment anyway (also a member of a dating site here).

[Erasurist]

Hi FB,

I am in a very similar position to you. But I've been single for 3.5 yrs. For the first year I thought I needed someone like me.... I'll call it unique, because I always thought I was a weirdo and the only one to be like me. But after stumbling across this site tonight I've had my eyes opened!

I suffer with strong social anxiety. I can live my life happily on my own but when I have to mix with other people the slide starts. So I very rarely socialise or widen my circle. I go pubbing and clubbing twice a year, Xmas & New Year lol. Well not quite but you get the idea :)

I didn't meet anyone in the first year of being single even though I thought I needed someone at the time.

I only went out to go to work and walk my dog. I wanted a man in my life but my heart wasn't in it really. I did get more anxious about it but then I joined a dating site and had a couple of dates. That took a lot of courage for me to do that. I told 1 close friend, who lived 300 miles away :doh: But it felt right at the time, you know? I felt brave enough to do it so I did. It was almost like I was trying to push myself into it but I also convinced myself it would be a good exercise.

The dates were OK. 1 a bit weird but we met in a very public place so I just made sure I made a big fuss of leaving (in a nice way! hard to explain but it worked.)

I went on 5 dates over a 4/5 month period. 2 with the same guy but there was just no spark for me. He suffered with depression and anxiety too so we did connect in a 'tortured soul' kind of way but it hit me like a brick while spending time with him I needed a strong man. It was like a revelation. It had it's negative effects too but on the whole I am very glad it happened.

After passing that mark I realised it was just the tip of the iceburg. I've learnt so much more since then. I have been pretty isolated for 3 years but it has taught me so much about myself - and it hasn't been very nice at times! I can hardly live with me at times so how on earth can I expect someone else to manage unless I'm completely honest?


I *think* I'm ready to think about looking for a man. I have reactivated the old dating profile and I'll just wait and see if anything comes of it. I live in a very rural area (moved here 18 months ago after being made redundant) and everyone is new to me. Which sort of helps because I don't feel I have to . I work, walk my dog for hours on the hills, do shopping. I have 3 close friends and a very small social circle. Tiny in fact. But that's how I like it! So online dating can be an advantage. As long as you use it safely and follow the guidelines. Watch out for players.

But surely meeting a man you might be interested in can happen anywhere?? I truly believe that because if it's not true I am up the creek without a paddle :scared11:
:laugh:

What do you spend your spare time doing? Do you like reading? Grab a blanket and a book and go and sit somewhere nice outside. A local park? I hope you have somewhere like that.

I'm new here but I do understand. I don't know really know my way around yet but I had to reply as your post struck a chord with me so I thought my experience might be useful to you and others.

:hugs:

I'm full of a stinking cold too so I have a bit of brain fog and I hope the above makes sense!

[FriendlyBrunette1986]

Thank you for posting guys.. I will stop looking but I am lonely indeed. I think if I have friends around me going out with and spending time with i wont b as lonely. Its just i have lost many friends in the past. I been single since Jan and he dumped me due to my job i had and my mood swings :( so my confidence has dropped but I wont give up on men

[HypnosWisher]

Hi Brunette,

I have had similar issues and it is difficult to find someone when one feels not able to go out and socialise. I was single for years on and end and currently in a difficult situation with my current relationship. Finding someone like for like could have the opposite effect. Do hang in there and hopefully things will start to work out fot you.

:flowers: