Obsession and its ruining my life.

[GirlAfraid23]

Hello guys.

I'm having some real issues at the moment and I need some help with them.

I am completely and utterly obsessed with one person and I can't stop thinking about him.
Its not just the usual infatuation/love story either.
I see his face everywhere and every single day I think of him...the worrying thing is that I haven't seen him in nearly over a year now.
And haven't spoken to him at all in half a year.

I really want to contact him but I don't know how. The saddest thing is that I have a boyfriend, somebody who I am probably hurting but I can't stop thinking that my life will be complete only with him and nobody else. I also think that he may be secretly in love with me and if I contact him I will make a happy life for both of us.

I know this is an irrational thought.

We met at University and became best friends. We did everything together and spoke to each other everyday. Kissing and closeness ensued and was ruined by his love for his ex girlfriend and my heart was broken. He then realised he had made the wrong decision but by that point it was too late. I had a boyfriend and had moved back to my hometown. I feel as though he is my soulmate and without him my life is nothing. I don't see the point in hiding what I feel as life is too short and what if I die tomorrow?

Sometimes I feel like getting onto a train and turning up at his hometown and waiting for a glimpse of him.
Other times I spend days and nights watching his social network feeds seeing what he is doing.
I am always crying and especially when I hear songs that we both loved and enjoyed.
What do I do?
I don't want to break my boyfriend's life but I know somebody has to get hurt.
Oh and I don't even know for sure if the old flame even cares about me anymore and I don't want to embarrass myself but I know I probably will.

I'm depressed and I know I need some help and quickly.

[Yorkman]

Hi,
I would definitely try and contact him, just a friendly line first.
Can you get in touch via Facebook or email him???
If you contact him you will be able to tell how he feels? Just test the water with some initial contact.

I'm 38 and one thing I've learned is life's too short!

[GirlAfraid23]

I honestly don't know what to say after all this time.

[Yorkman]

Just ask what he's upto and how he is doing. That should do

[GirlAfraid23]

Just ask what he's upto and how he is doing. That should do

There's a reason why I keep stopping myself and that is because I wonder why he hasn't contacted me first and also I don't know how I will feel if he is indifferent and then I know for sure :(

[Yorkman]

I know what you mean, but you must contact him for your own sake! Then you will know.
Just start off with a friendly message or email. Go for it!

[Col]

Hi Girlafraid

Can I be honest and say....... If you've been feeling like this and what seems to be strongly and not just a bit of reminiscing then in my opinion, you shouldn't really be in the relationship with your current boyfriend, disregardless of whether this thing with the old flame, rekindles OR not. Its really not fair!!! Reverse the situation, what if you were in your current boyfriends shoes!!!!!

And then follow your heart and go for it, see what happens! Even if u make a fool of yourself give it a go if u feel so strongly BUT be prepared to accept the rejection in the process.

I agree life is way to short.
:winks: keep us posted.


Ps I nearly lost the love of my life and this one day, I don't know after all the anger and absolute heartbreak I was feeling, I was handing my daughter over the safety gate at my mums back door and normally I would just glare at him pass my baby over and I'd close the door and he'd walk away. But one day after months had gone by we looked at each other he smiled, I smiled back and he reached out and grabbed my hand. I'd wanted to do that to him for soo many months and I was heartbroken, and all along he obviously was just as upset about it all as I was, and in the end he reached out to me!
We had cultural family issues BUT NOW were married with 2 kids in our own house XXXX

[GirlAfraid23]

Ok so I still haven't done anything and I'm losing sleep over it.

I can't focus on anything and I feel as though I'm such a bitch for doing this to my boyfriend.
I'm so stuck and don't know which is the correct path to take.

The worst thing in all this is that my friends don't like him and his best friend is my ex boyfriend. Complications are rife and I don't know whether a simple "how are you?" will cut it. Shouldn't I just send him an email declaring my feelings and then if he doesn't respond or says he doesnt feel the same then just stop all contact with him?

[Col]

Go 4 it:winks:

[GirlAfraid23]

Hey guys,

Its been a while since I've posted in this thread.

I did actually contact the person in question, the first time over a social networking site and got something very normal back...I also ended said "hope you're well" and he just said "You too" and that was pretty much it.

After that I gave it a few weeks as I was pretty dumbstruck as to what to do next.

I then text him yesterday, not knowing whether or not he had the same number but assuming so, I am sad to say that I didn't recieve a reply. Its been nearly a whole day and my heart is hurting.
I guess this is the answer. He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.
I can't exactly tell him how I feel now.

[GirlAfraid23]

Can anybody help me?

I don't know what to do next.

I'm always crying. I need help.

[Col]

He might have changed his number???

Also I think u should try and be straight with him, go back to that social network site and ask for his number then just text him all your feelings.

U can't go on like this, sat wondering have u got the right number or is he simply not interested?

This has been going on way too long for u now, I think in order to deal with this properly and to get a 100% answer, u need to get to bottom of it and then deal with the hurt after ( if it's bad news). But I really do think, taking into account the time scale, that u need to bottom this one way or another so you can move on! X

[Anxious_gal]

I think it's time to maybe seek therapy and move on.
If he had the same feelings he would have contacted you or wrote more back to you.
You could though write him an email and tell how you feel, if you feel the need to and whether he replies or not at least you would have a solid answer.

You may be fantasizing about this guy as an escape from reality.
You haven't seen him a long time, so the person he is in your mind may not be the same person he is now.