what is wrong with me?

[imjustnotme]

Really do not understand how I have been feeling lately! My mum has really tried to help me and be there for me lately, she keeps asking me what my worries are and how she can help but I just don't want to talk about how I feel. I feel like no one can help because I don't feel well, I don't feel like me and I'm scared to do things I would just usually do because I don't feel right! My boyfriend also keeps asking me smile and be bubbly but I just can't! He also asks me if I want to go out for a meal or swimming but I don't cos I won't enjoy it, I don't want to see people, I just want to stay by myself...been on stertaline for nearly a month now but I'm still not feeling myself. Broke down last night in tescos cos I can't even cope with being out near the public...everything seems too bright and too much...makes me feel very alone. Meant to go back to work next weekend but even that makes me want to just hide, the thought of having to see everyone and then having to deal with the public makes me feel terrible :( maybe I just need to snap out of this state I'm in...and I do try to but I can't seem to be happy. Rant over, sorry x

[lourah1989]

Anxiety babe ... iv had this for a year now i dont now if you will ever feel normal again and its so hard because parents dont understand because there not going through it they think you can just click your fingers and it will go away ! most people with anxiety suffer from small to large ammounts of depression you probley also have this ! being out and scared is defo a sign your not on your own .... when im out i constantly think im going to die or my heart will stop or somethink terrible will happen my chest thuds or i feel numb so seriouslt your not on your own and sertraline can make you feel worse before you feel better i was on this before but came of it because i was drinking way to much it does work after a while if you have no hope in another few weeks or feel worse you may need to up your dosage inbox me if you need help or just want to talk :( hope you feel better soon and never think your on your own and when i find the magic cure il b sure to send it you xxxx

[imjustnotme]

Thanks so much for your reply...i think that's the worst thing, not knowing if i will ever feel myself again...or if i do, will this all come back at another point in my life! Yeah I think I am getting a bit depressed with it all...and I am frustrated which doesn't help. Yeah the doctor said it would take time to get into my system but seeing the doctor next week so maybe he can help me. It's good to know I can talk to people like you on this site, makes me feel like i'm not insane and there are people who understand :) a magic cure would be amazing! xxx

[janey1979]

hi hun
sorry to hear how your feeling, sadly as someone whos had anxiety and depression for 10years on and off i know you cant just snap out of it trust me i told myself that many times and now realise its not my fault i am ill you wouldnt tell yourself to snap out of flu!. Your medication should start helping soon if not then you need to go back to the doctor for a review. I too suffer in certain situations hot shops being a big one i take every day at a time some days are good and some bad but thinking to far ahead will just add to the pressure your under i hope you start to feel better soon and if you need a chat i am herex

[lourah1989]

you definatly not insane when i was at my worst i got so mad and frustrated with my self im only 21 aswell and it was all new to me and i didnt have a clue what was going on with all the diffrent symptoms its so scary i still get scared now but i sort of understand it better when ur medz kick in you will feel better some days than others and i havent got the answer to weather you will feel the same as you did before im still waiting for that day my self tbh but i have hope and tommarows another day ... you will get depressed definatly because your lifes changed and its hard to adapt to how your feeling but there is loads of people that can help you i would say preferably not your parents because its hard for loved ones to see you that way and its like they will be in denial about it but there concellor and therapists and here aswell its much easier to talk to people on ere because were all sort of in the same situation in some way or another sort it out before it gets out of hand and ends up ruining your life hun seriously easier said than done i no lol ... what type of anxiety symptoms do you get ??? xxxx

[imjustnotme]

Thanks Janey, I feel like it's my fault...kinda hard not to get angry at yourself when it's only you who is really making you feel the way you do! But i know I am ill and any illness takes the time it needs. Yeah i am having a review next week. You are definately right about the good and bad days...some days i do feel like im getting there and then the next day im rock bottom again, it's definately the uncertainty that gets me with anxiety. I know pressure won't help but I feel like there is alot pressure on me to get back to work and back to normal life as soon as possible! thanks, that means alot :) x

[imjustnotme]

you definatly not insane when i was at my worst i got so mad and frustrated with my self im only 21 aswell and it was all new to me and i didnt have a clue what was going on with all the diffrent symptoms its so scary i still get scared now but i sort of understand it better when ur medz kick in you will feel better some days than others and i havent got the answer to weather you will feel the same as you did before im still waiting for that day my self tbh but i have hope and tommarows another day ... you will get depressed definatly because your lifes changed and its hard to adapt to how your feeling but there is loads of people that can help you i would say preferably not your parents because its hard for loved ones to see you that way and its like they will be in denial about it but there concellor and therapists and here aswell its much easier to talk to people on ere because were all sort of in the same situation in some way or another sort it out before it gets out of hand and ends up ruining your life hun seriously easier said than done i no lol ... what type of anxiety symptoms do you get ??? xxxx
Im 21 too...seems like it starts for alot of people in the 20s...odd! It is scary, I thought i had something seriously wrong with me, went to 5 different doctors in one week, blood tests and everything and then i get told it's anxiety...which in some ways didn't help me, kinda made me thought where do i go from this? Yeah i guess it is hard for them to see how i am and it's hard from them to hear what i am down about and how i feel. I have attacks sometimes, where i get a dragging feeling behind my ears, tinglying in my feet going up my legs, feel sick, lighthead like im going to pass out and then whenever i go outside everything is too bright, i feel lightheaded and i get the pain behind my ears again...i just feel very fragile outside, I just don't understand how this all started! x

[lourah1989]

yeah panic and anxiety is more common in people in early20s and more common in women ... it could be over anythink to do with personal lose or the slightest thing to set it of ... for instance mine started when i had a hangover a million people get them but i had one i thought i was going to die which resulted in me having 1 panic attack and bam 1 year later im stuck with it ... iv had blood tests , ecgs uname it iv had it and it always comes back fine iv convinced my self so much that im broken i actually believe my self ... you will find away out promise i feel alot better than i have in the past but mainly because when i get symptoms i no its just anxiety dont get me wrong i have it 24/7 its like it never leaves me but i dont want it to run my life .... i get lightheaded to and i always think im about to pass out not that this has ever happened mind you lol and the hand tingling i hate it i normally get numbness in mine and in my chest or like a big thud it pisses me of ... i feel your pain babe trust me xxx

[Talkingincode]

Anxiety can be awful. I pinch my arm to make sure its not numb. Sometimes I don't even want to shower or go to the store. Sometimes I sit alone in my bathroom cring because I am afraid that I will never be myself again

[imjustnotme]

Im sorry to hear that Talkingincode. But I know how you feel...it's the not feeling yourself again that scares me too! Had a bad day today, cried for sometime but need to release it i guess! I hope you're doing okay x

[YZF]

Hi all, not been on here in sometime as I got to the point where I needed to break with the site to move on. I am on sertaline have been for 6mths now, and can honestly say I am now my self fearless and totally enjoying life again, so stick with it there is light at the end of the tunnel. I actually find it difficult now to remember fully how bad I was the ups down constantly wanting to get back my oldself etc. Every one is different and and it can take a few months or some cases years to overcome this curse. The sertaline when it started to work gave me that peace from myself and the anxiety to work things out. What I found helpful was self talk, I read feel the fear do it anyway Susan Jeffers. Sounds silly buy I gave my anxiety a name "Charlie" and through positive self talk separated the anxiety "Charlie" from me and who I am. Don't get me wrong it took months but it worked for me in the end. Anxeity is just the worst illness and I feel for you all, I feel so lucky that I won for the time being. If you ever need to talk just message me I totally understand what your dealing with, but it can be beaten. What doesn't break you makes you stronger in the end.