longnovember
11-08-11, 18:29
As I post this, my Mom is going in for her pelvic ultrasound. She has been having symptoms that could very well be irritable bowel syndrome (which she has had on/off for many years) - but my internet "research" also points to ovarian cancer (my worst fear). What worries me most is that she has pain/pressure near her ovaries - something she never complained of with IBS before. Anyway, I am at work and have not been able to concentrate all day. So worried that life may change for the worst with the test findings. I lost my Dad to cancer in 2007 - and I am so afraid to lose my Mom. I also am scared because if she does get sick - I am the only one left to take care of her. I don't think I am strong enough mentally for that. Losing my Dad was THE MOST painful experience of my life. He was only 58 and the diagnosis was a shock. I am so scared of facing this again - so soon. I am 35, I have a 4 year old daughter. I MUST grow up and handle this better but I feel out of control. I feel like I am letting my mother down because I can't be stronger for her. I get overwhelmed with my fears and the what-ifs. I try to act like nothing is wrong, but I am horrible at hiding my feelings.