this is me!

[lincolnkate]

Hello all, I supose i just wanted to let everyone know what i go through every day and see if anyone feels the same really!

Everyday i wake up with thoughts going through my head, will it be bad today? will i be able to go to the supermarket? will my son notice if we leave a shop before paying cos I cant handle the anxiety symptoms anymore? will i be sick? will i pass out? will i be stuck in a traffic jam and start getting my anxiety and I cant escape? will the next one be the worse one I have ever had as I dont think I can cope with this anymore? Will i start feeling depersonalised for no reason and sit and think I am going crazy??

Telling any "normal" human being these things - I feel they will laugh at me, but like my husband says, 'people are scared of balloons, buttons, you are just scared of the outside world'. but it just sounds so un-normal.

I have had panic and anxiety disorder since I was 17 (now 32), i know it can be controlled as I had 2 years of my life without it, but stressul circumstances bought it all back, worse than I have ever had it. But can I get through this again???

I am having CBT, but am unsure this can help. I have refused many meds but I do have Diazepam if I need it as a back up. To look at me you wouldnt think I have any issues - always have a full face of make up and my hair done! but i feel this is a disguise of whats going on inside.

I want to start taking my son to theme parks, shopping centres, the cinema but at the moment it is just a dream, but i WANT to beat this again or just reduce it so I can handle the anxiety and get on with a normal life.

I got married a year ago and my husband understands greatly but I want it to leave me alone now - whatever bad I have done in life, I feel I have been punished enough now with these fears and symptoms.

I know it seems I have waffled on - but I felt I needed to get all of this out.

I hope this might make sense to someone out there.

Much love

Kate x

[tinkerbelle84]

Hi just to let you know I can totally sympathise,I am feeling a lot like you are.I have had a hellish 3 weeks,have been having panick attacks and health anxiety since April but am totally convinced these are the early symptoms of vcjd.i have been worried sick,not eating or sleeping. It is horrible not to feel like u......

Are u finding the cbt helpful.have u thought about anti depressents?

Hang in there,it is hard

Xxx

[KX501]

Me to:
We get good at putting that face on and its exhausting. I even put a face on at the docs on friday when inside I was churning. I am struggling with my working day, I am 33 with a 13 year old daughter and even arrangements for her and having to interact with other parents is a struggle. Different experiences to you but I know I feel stupid,mad and crazy and very trapped by it all.

I had it bad 11 years ago from a stressful life event and have been in and out of it at various life points - but have managed to control it and put a face on it over the last few years and not been back to that point 11 years ago. Until the last few months...

Alike tikerbelles reply the last 3 weeks has been at its worse for me to.Its a constant struggle at mo.

but I know this we have a family and responsibilities, loved ones or something. i do fear losing it all but i wont let it. You must'nt either.

Take care all

I have only registered today as alike you have so much to say but havent managed to type it allyet.

[lincolnkate]

thank you for replying, its good to know i am not alone. I have got some citalopram but am holding back from taking them, have gone all these years without! i have good days and bad and like you say, you have to hold back as I have responsibilities as a mum to my son. I too find it difficult to interact with other mums, i get very paranoid too, thinking they must know I am a freak!! - Tinkerbell, what is vcjd? Sorry, have not heard of that before. xx

[tinkerbelle84]

Hi thank you for your reply,vcjd is mad cow disease......I know it prob seems stupid : (

It seems so real to me,


Sarah x

[lincolnkate]

not at all, i think i have got something wrong with my brain, thats why this happens to me and i want answers :-( supose deep down, if i did then i would probably not be here now.

Katie xx

[ell1877]

Hi Katie I live in Lincoln to I'm not so much scared of going out but I've suffered on and off for years with anxiety depression and health anxiety I've had panic attacks to extreme and at the moment I can't stop thinking I won't see my little boy grow up it's awful we are our own worst enemies I too have been prescribed citalapram but I've nit taken them as I've beaten it before and I WILL again my partner is extremely supportive but I have no friends around that understand

Xx

[lincolnkate]

Hi ell1877, I went back to work today and ended up in tears in front of my boss as she doesnt understand anxiety, nor do my friends if i am honest. They are supportive but i have no one that truly understands. I go for cbt at the archway centre. Does your anxiety effect your everyday life?? My husband is great and very patient. It would be good if there was a local group for sufferers.