lucy devine
15-08-11, 03:41
hiya,
i'll apologise before i begin writing this post because i feel that it has no real aim or purpose and i'm really just looking to vent out the worries whizzzing around my mind and basically to keep myself a little busy and try to kick unwanted thoughts/urges out of my mind...
I am feeling quite anxious and worried over quite a lot of things at the moment...it's a rather stressful week ahead with camhs appointment, hospital appointment, a-level results day etc etc so i expected my anxiety levels to be soaring through the roof however tonight my main concern is over my brother and how helpless i feel in trying to help him out...
a little background: my brother is 24 and was recently diagnosed with asperger's syndrome and learning difficulties...now we always knew he was a little different: he found school difficult, making friendships etc etc but it wasn't until he was around 16 that big issues arose. His behaviour is challenging: he has real aggression issues and frequently lashes out at me and my family, screams verbal abuse all the time and can be quite a pain to live with..this has led me over some time to feel quite a lot of anger towards him yet no matter how much anger i have, i cannot help but feel absolutely sorry for him and helpless in the fact that i can't change his situation...
his aspergers makes matthew a very vulnerable adult, he is made fun of by everyone and all he wants is to be accepted/to have friends...he goes on facebook a lot and just adds random people in the hope that they will be-friend him. He is so frustrated and it really does pain me to see him like this...these supposed 'friends' on facebook absolutely take the mick out of him, constantly mocking him and no matter how many times I inbox them, tell them to leave him alone, explain his situation...they always seem to come back for more, jiibing and being cruel towards him. I really do feel as if I am not doing enough for him and it is stressing me out scrolling through his facebook seeing just how mean people are towards him. We also had trouble with a group of people claiming to be his friend who were infact making him drink wee when telling him it was cider, stealing his belongings and making bruises all over him...although this was quite some time ago, the feelings and anger has arose within me tonight and I feel like such a bad person for not doing more for him...I do get angry with him when he has one of his tantrums but I feel absolutely terrible afterwards as I know he has a disability. I did get the police involved when all that was happening yet nothing came of it and I feel this makes me a bad sister and a generally bad person.
Seeing what is happening on facebook tonight has really created a lot of anger in me and the first way that popped into my mind to deal with these emotions was to self harm to try to cut the feelings out...I am trying to avoid and supress these urges but I was wondering whether anyone has any new/helpful methods to try to help me deal with these feelings...I can feel the anger physically burning inside of me (sounds stupid I know), also I'd like you to tell me whether, from reading what you have, whether I am a bad person in this and whether I could be doing more for him :S
I feel soo guilty :(
Sorry for such the long post
xxxx
i'll apologise before i begin writing this post because i feel that it has no real aim or purpose and i'm really just looking to vent out the worries whizzzing around my mind and basically to keep myself a little busy and try to kick unwanted thoughts/urges out of my mind...
I am feeling quite anxious and worried over quite a lot of things at the moment...it's a rather stressful week ahead with camhs appointment, hospital appointment, a-level results day etc etc so i expected my anxiety levels to be soaring through the roof however tonight my main concern is over my brother and how helpless i feel in trying to help him out...
a little background: my brother is 24 and was recently diagnosed with asperger's syndrome and learning difficulties...now we always knew he was a little different: he found school difficult, making friendships etc etc but it wasn't until he was around 16 that big issues arose. His behaviour is challenging: he has real aggression issues and frequently lashes out at me and my family, screams verbal abuse all the time and can be quite a pain to live with..this has led me over some time to feel quite a lot of anger towards him yet no matter how much anger i have, i cannot help but feel absolutely sorry for him and helpless in the fact that i can't change his situation...
his aspergers makes matthew a very vulnerable adult, he is made fun of by everyone and all he wants is to be accepted/to have friends...he goes on facebook a lot and just adds random people in the hope that they will be-friend him. He is so frustrated and it really does pain me to see him like this...these supposed 'friends' on facebook absolutely take the mick out of him, constantly mocking him and no matter how many times I inbox them, tell them to leave him alone, explain his situation...they always seem to come back for more, jiibing and being cruel towards him. I really do feel as if I am not doing enough for him and it is stressing me out scrolling through his facebook seeing just how mean people are towards him. We also had trouble with a group of people claiming to be his friend who were infact making him drink wee when telling him it was cider, stealing his belongings and making bruises all over him...although this was quite some time ago, the feelings and anger has arose within me tonight and I feel like such a bad person for not doing more for him...I do get angry with him when he has one of his tantrums but I feel absolutely terrible afterwards as I know he has a disability. I did get the police involved when all that was happening yet nothing came of it and I feel this makes me a bad sister and a generally bad person.
Seeing what is happening on facebook tonight has really created a lot of anger in me and the first way that popped into my mind to deal with these emotions was to self harm to try to cut the feelings out...I am trying to avoid and supress these urges but I was wondering whether anyone has any new/helpful methods to try to help me deal with these feelings...I can feel the anger physically burning inside of me (sounds stupid I know), also I'd like you to tell me whether, from reading what you have, whether I am a bad person in this and whether I could be doing more for him :S
I feel soo guilty :(
Sorry for such the long post
xxxx