Finally plucked up the courage!!

[GarryA]

Afternoon :)

I am Garry, 23, live in Wiltshire and i am currently riding the roller coaster of obsessive and obtrusive thoughts :huh:

I don't want to bore you with my whole life story/background so i will only touch on this a little and how i feel at present:

So, my grandma was a compulsive worrier and so was my mum, this was clearly passed on to me which i only made aware to myself about a week ago when i plucked up the courage to tell my mum i had been smoking weed for 3 - 4 years... and was going cold turkey! Bearing in mind this was irregular (once a week if any), till i moved in with my best mate two years ago and it became frequent (3 - 4 times... a night :scared15:)

Looking back, i feel the anxiety started a long time ago but at the time was in denial and only until i had a lot on my plate i realized (after looking online - good/bad move?) that i may have a problem.

The symptoms are vast and i can hold my hand up and tick the box for many, but i will list the main ones that i feel i suffer with:

- Fatigued
- No energy during the day but awake when i need to sleep
- Sleep but wake up 4 - 5 times throughout the night, sometimes sweating
- I feel like i am going to pass out at work sometimes
- I have waves of hot and cold
- I find myself shaking and trembling if i decide to be excited
- Dramatic mood swings which can be mid conversation when i want to escape
- Emotions are all over the place
- I fear what people may think of me
- I fear any kind of confrontation
- I fear i may make a fool out of myself
- I become overwhelmed in public places - pubs etc
- I fear losing control
- I obsess with negative thoughts which leaves me stressed with a knot in my stomach
- Very impatient and my leg is always on the move (its going now!)
- Feel down in the dumps and edgy
- I fear being alone

So these are the main symptoms i have, but on the plus side i have now been without weed for over a week (i know its only a short space of time but.. :yesyes:) and i know i am on the road to recovery - the light is getting brighter, i just need some kind of guidance to allow me to accept that i may have a problem and if i need any help, i can seek it - i guess that's why i am here!

It has taken me a while (a whole week in fact) to pluck up the courage to post this as although this is what the forum is for, i fear people may think i am being a fool and there is nothing wrong with me! - bla bla bla :blush:

A couple of things to note:
- I moved home to live with my mum last night
- I just started a new job which knocked me out of routine
- I recently started meeting a new girl (see below)

Thank you for your time to whoever may read this and i would appreciate any feedback and guidance.

Garry :)

P.S - I recently started seeing a girl ,as stated, and i am very fond of her; but i fear if i go any deeper and my heart gets more involved i may make a wrong decision which would ruin any kind of future and make my problems worse as i am in the wrong frame of mind where if i don't get a text within the hour i panic and think the world is over... but then we meet up and have a great time and i am back in my bubble - please help!

[diane07]

Hi GarryA

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Pika]

Welcome! hope this forum helps, it's helped me so far and i've only been a member for one day! :)

[Gemma T]

Welcome aboard and congrats for doing away with the weed. Im sure you know but weed causes anxiety x x x

[GarryA]

Thank you for the warm welcome!

Gemma T - I didn't realize until it was too late, after i thought about stopping i randomly searched google for "Weed and anxiety" and it made so much sense, so i think it was the fuel to my fire in making it even worse. Hopefully it will be the start on the road to recovery :)

[M155anthr0p3]

Hi Garry,

Welcome to the site, you're in the right place.

Admitting your problems is hard so well done on taking the first step. We're all in the same boat here so you're not on your own.

I think this girl is a good thing - if anything it will take your mind off the way you feel. Just take it easy & believe in yourself!

Emily xxx

[GarryA]

Hi Emily,

Thank you :) it lifted a small weight off of my shoulders when i finally realized and told myself that i had a problem, and although its hard to speak up and shout out for help - it also makes a different and then you can start re-building.

Although its not nice to feel like you do, it is nice to be reassured that people are going through the same problems, as although a forum could be filled with 1000's of people, you still feel singled out and on your own if you don't speak up and let it out.

The hardest thing for me is to believe in myself - its not an easy task, so as soon as i can start to do that - even a tiny bit, i will be at that next step to recovery :)

Thanks again.

[M155anthr0p3]

It always helps to talk about things, it's no good bottling them up. It will drive you mad!
I think you're already on the road to recovery Garry...if you didn't believe in yourself you wouldn't be here looking for help. Go Garry!!!!!!!

xxx

[GarryA]

That is the one thing I haven't done for the past 4 years - talked to anyone. I always leave things bottled up and as time has gone on i have slipped into a pit which keeps getting deeper (stopped going out, the number of friends got smaller and all you have to look forward to it going home to get back in your room with the curtains closed)

Now, thinking positively; I have moved home (fresh start, clear debts, save), I started a new job (better money, more ME time and a new experience) so i long as i can keep this chin up... fingers crossed i will be back in no time with a success story ;)

[M155anthr0p3]

You're doing great mate, honestly you are.
Moving house & a new job are stressful things...but you've done them!!! Hopefully now you can start to look forward. Keep going with those positive thoughts!!!
When you feel that bad, the only way is up then. Don't let it beat you!

xxx

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya and welcome to NMP I hope you find the help and advice here and maybe make a few friends in the process

:welcome:

[Gemma T]

Thats life though Gary. We always find out once weve started. I swear things are programmed that way.

Lets face it, if we love it then its bound to backfire on us and actually be bad for us. If i knew when i started smoking that i would later end up with Helath anx i wouldnt have started. Smoking related illnesses are pointless in worrying about when you dont smoke lol.

Oh well, you cant change the past so bugger to it.

Im sure you'll combat all this. Feel free to private mess if you ever need a chat x x x