I have always been an anxious person. As a child I can remember being very upset when adults drank because I was worried who would look after me if something happened. On family trips when we would stay in hotel rooms I would grab the phonebook and find out where the closest hospital was just in case
My parents seperated when I was 14 and I stayed living with my father. He did a year later of a massive heart attack (he was 40) My panic attacks started in school after my dad died. I would have the typical symptoms of chest pain, sweating etc and believe I was dying. Nobody understood at all and kept telling me it was in my head. I ended up dropping out of high school in grade 10. I saw many doctors and was put on tons of different prescriptions. I had a very bad dependence on Xanax for two years and then got pregnant and had to stop them. My panic suddenly seemed to get better during my pregnancy and for years afterwards. I felt good, I could work etc. Then after the birth of my last baby it all came back. I panic constantly. I am terrified of every illness and visit my doctor weekly with new pains etc. I am on Paxil and ativan and struggle daily. I am also on disabilty because I am unable to work. I am seeing a therapist and involved in different online groups like this one. I can only hope one day I will be better again.
