Hi my first encounter with this was not to long ago. I started feeling this kind of sickness during my last year in elementary school. I never wanted to tell my parents, because either way they would think it is just a stage of growing up or undergoing the teenage stage in life. But in me I knew I wasn’t crazy and I knew I needed help
…. At times I would feel stress, not wanted, looked down upon and I would sometimes go to a stage of depression, but yet I didn’t talk to anyone about this for months. When I reached high school that’s when the anxiety was playing a major part in my life and tried to ruin my life.
I always turned to God because I’m a true believer of his word and pray every night before I go to sleep so that my anxiety wont make my life miserable, but it flash through before my own eyes it was hopeless on how I was trying to change myself. My freshmen year in high school it got worst because I was scared on how people would look at me and how I would react. I would go to the nurse a lot, and tell the nurse that I was having stomach problems, but I was only lying to myself.
I would look at my body figure and wonder why God created me like this and why looked the way I am. During my freshmen year I had self consciousness, I would cover myself with baggy clothing but yet no one not even my sisters or friends knew why I was dressing like that, and I would make sure no guy would look at me and no girl would judge me. I would become unsociable, and think to myself why was everyone having fun and I wasn’t. In high school that’s when a lot of people had their girlfriends and boyfriends, so I thought to myself as being the ugly duckling cause no guy approached me and if so they would probably say hi and bye but that was really it.
Then came a time in my life that I thought I should end my life by stabbing myself, but that wouldn’t be the answer to my solution. So on night I spoke to my dad and told him about my anxiety problems since he was a psychotherapist, he told me it is a part of life and that I inherited it from my mother, but yet it was more then that, in my own opinion. Then I thought deep into my heart that I needed more guideness, so I started paying attention to heart and loving and thanking God more each day till the time I woke up and till the time I went to sleep.
At the end of my freshmen year it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted of my shoulders and that God had answered my prayers by believing and trusting in his words. Now I’m trying to recover this anxiety crisis by loving myself and wearing anything I can fit into with confidence, but I still have my anxiety problems and to relieve them by singing or writing poetry to calm my nerves.
So for those who undergo this painful sickness please try to keep your head up and never give up because you have confidence and by listening to my conscious I’m able to be more socialable now, more out going and not worrying about what others think of me, and if I can make a change in my life then why can’t anybody else.
To those who survive this just make sure you do the right thing and that God is by your side no matter what choice you make.
I wish ya’ll peace and love
– m.jay
