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Debbies Story

I am a 33 yr old female. In 1999 I fell pregnant with my partner who at that time I was only with for 4 months before I fell pregnant, he was kind, gentle and everything you could wish for. However during my pregnancy he became possessive and wanted me to get to work 10 mins late everyday, because I shouldn't like my job so much, he made me meet him every lunch time even though I only got 1/2hr and was in mad rush there and back

…. I wasn't allowed personal calls at work so he gave me a mobile and I had to keep sneaking off to the toilets to make calls to him at the times he stated, sometimes I just couldn't sneak away especially if I was in a meeting then he would ring the office and demand to speak with me and spoke to my bosses really horrible….I felt so embarrassed, yet couldn't admit he was treating me like this to anyone.

He stopped me seeing my friends and told me I didn't need contact with my sister, cause I had him now. I rushed home from work every evening because he told me it would only take 15mins but sometimes the traffic was bad so I would rush back.

I eventually gave birth to my baby but there were set times to visit for dads and family, he was fuming at this and wanted me to discharge myself, but I was exhausted and just didn't feel well enough and the hospital advised me against it, so he walked into the hospital one day and told me I wasn't allowed to eat anything or drink anything until I came out. obviously I did but he caught me the following morning having a cup of tea and went berserk and shouted lots of abuse and the sister on the ward caught him and asked him to leave, then she asked if I wanted a chat, I was that ashamed I turned her chat down and said I was fine.

Things however did get better once I left the hospital probably because I was at home most of the day and my partner felt more secure with this, however one day I decided to go for a walk with baby to my partners workplace….I got 1/2 way there (it was about an hrs walk) and I started thinking what if I got one of those panic attacks I had 7 years ago. before I knew it I felt panicky, drained, face started going numb, shaking felt faint and all I could think was, if I fainted and someone stole my baby.

By the time I got to my husbands workplace I was a nervous wreck, I needed a glass of wine once I got home to calm me down. My DR diagnosed Generalised Anxiety and wanted to give me tablets but I hate taking tablets/worry about the side effects that I feel even worse. I had some CBT and did feel better.

This was 3 years ago but still have daily symptoms like, dizzyness, tinnitus, off balance, indigestion/reflux, extra heartbeats, palpitaions, weakness etc etc etc. Lately since taking my son to nursery I have started to get more and more panic attacks either on the way there/back or even at home which just strike out of the blue, I daren't go back to my Dr's cause I think I get on his nerves to be honest.

Sorry for the long story but I actually could add a lot more to this, so much has happened and there are many more symptoms that I haven't listed. One symptom I do get daily at the moment is a feeling like still objects are moving/swaying, not sure if this is anxiety induced???????

Debbie xx