This is rather a boring story, but we all start our anxiety from somewhere, so I'm going to be detailed about it. I have always been an anxious type, liking everything perfect, striving in business, and being in control at all times. Although I am gentle and understanding and have this ability to 'feel' how other people 'feel'
… I am a psychiatric nurse, started training at 18, and then developed a horrific painful condition called interstitial cystitis. You girls out there may know the signs of a UTI, but this was constant with no infection, its such a debilitating illness that you do at times consider suicide .. any way that's on another support group.
I continued to do my training, despite the constant miserable pain, and passed with flying colours. (my mum had the illness before me when I was 16).. so I always feared her symptoms particularly when they were always worse than mine. When I was 26.despite my illness (I have a very strong mind).. I met Martin, fell in love, broke up a few times, because of my illnesses, but then settled and I found a drug which relieved my bladder symptoms…business was stressful as I had started my own care home and had two daughters.
I started drinking too much to relieve the anxiety, I'm certainly no alcoholic, but use it to relieve anxiety. Anyway, I decided to get a manager in to run my care home, and we booked a holiday to spain for 6 weeks, my mum was coming with us, and although I'm an only child and am very close to her I was worried about the effect she would have on me during those 6 weeks. (my mum suffers from fyybromyalgia, insomnia, tinnitus gynealogical prolapse anxiety under active thyroid etc) her health has always frightenened me) when she used to tell me about all her health probs I became so sensitive and have had sleep problems, since she stayed with us about 7 years ago, and I happened not to sleep that night and the association began.
Well anyway on this holiday I was worried about her talking and showing her symptoms, as it makes me so fearful, after a few days she said she had to go home as she wasn't sleeping and felt terrible, instantly the nerves in my stomach began and never left during the 6 weeks we were out there, doc came out and gave me Fuanxol which made me crazy, I had thoughts of suicide and my only concern was the girls being mumless…I stopped the med and for one whole week I felt well n normal, but the thoughts returned with the nerves, and I was back to square one. I was caught in the fear adrenaline fear cyle and it hasn't left me since..although I am having some sucess with the Linden Method.
I have no suicidal thoughts now and just feel stomach churning anxiety most of the time. I do not suffer from agrophobia, or depression, although my symptoms make me feel pretty low. Not sure if this has been sent but anyone wanting to contact me please do so hayleyross@hotmail.com
lots of love and understanding Hayley.
My pic is up on the members pic thing (www.nomorepanic.co.uk/pictures.htm)
