Looking back as a child I believe now I suffered from OCD it would take me an hour to get to bed after I had done all my rituals, like checking under my bed, checking my shoes were in certain positions in the cupboard!, touching the walls… and if I wanted the loo I would have to go through the same stupid rituals again… Well after five years of this, it left me and
then the panic's started around the age of 18
…. I can't honestly remember my first attack but they became very debilitating, I left my Uni course, couldn't drive, my mom thought I was going mad. I was with my first boyfriend then he was very kind and patient! I went to counseling and for the first time could see light at the end of the tunnel! We got engaged, but unfortunately due to my panic's he would only take me to
a local jewellers rather than the city as that scared me to much! we didn't have party just a quite get together! where had that lively up for a laugh girl gone.
Well I got back to Uni, and stared to drive again! Had to be followed initially then, started to drive by myself, went to a quite pub, then a louder pub and gradually I was feeling great. I would say the panic did leave me for a while! I got out the habit of thinking about them and thought they were a thing of the past!
Oh silly me! out the blue and bang I am 25 and start to suffer badly again! "Oh god I think" this cant happen again I THOUGHT I HAD CONTROL! So I go through another bad phase I start to miss work, I embarrass myself and run out of meetings… someone help! I go to hypnotherapy just one session! and I feel better again! I left my job, too on a far more stressful one which meant having more meetings, driving a long commute and fighting my panic's head on rather than running away. I get through the last year! but they are
always still there lurking in the back ground. Had a bad last month but web sites such as these have really helped… I know I will never be free and can still talk myself in to them! but I have learnt to live with it! I will not let it rule my life! but I know I will never be free…..
Love to you all…
Mandy
