I have really been depressed more than anxious. My anxiety didn’t start until I was the tender age of 23. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 11. Back in April/May time this year I took a massive panic attack before I went to bed as my stomach started to feel weird and not like it usually was. Last year on Boxing Day I suffered the worst possible experience, my granny died suddenly and it was something I was not prepared for as she always told me she was gona live to see her telegram from the queen. Then in February this year (just 2 weeks after I turned 23) I was told I have excess acid in my stomach, this was a shock as I have always been healthy and active in past years
Then came another dreaded moment, I was out with my friend and his 2 cousins in town when we were approached by some druken idiots who were looking for a fight, at this point I couldnt run as I had hurt my ankle the previous day so I was showered with the abuse and torment that my mate was given. That was when I started to have my first big panic attack, yeh ive had some before but they were small and controllable when I got into my own surroundings. since then, even being at home I paniced, it didnt help the fact that I was always ill with urine infections and stomach cramps, sore gallbladder etc, I always kept thinking that because my granny went into hospital with a urine infection the same was going to happen to me, but as I should always tell myself that my granny was an 87 year old woman and I am only 23 and that I have less chance of anything like that happening to me.
I have been receiving anxiety management which has helped me somewhat, and a big dose of certain medications, it wasnt untill recently during a stay in hospital that I found out that I have a hiatus hernia, I also know the dangers that this carries and I always wonder if it will go away. Everything that has happened to me has effect my family, not so much my friends as they have all been here for me 24/7. recently I was put back on prozac as my mood was rather low with everything (i felt I was failing at college etc),
I started to get paranoid that people were talking about me but I think it was the last meds I was on as I dont feel this anymore. I still panic as its coming up to the year since my granny passed on, but I am talkin herbal medicines for my anxiety which are helping more than any anti-depressant. My sleep patterns back to normal and I am moving on with things, eg gettin on well at college, meeting new people, spending more time with my family and friends etc.
It has taken me 6 – 7 months to find out why I was anxious and I now know why with finding out what was wrong with me, knowing that my urine infection problem is getting delt with, knwing that I am not going to lose my friends (never had as big a circle as friends as I have now) and many more things. I am still waiting to see a psychologist to have CBT been waiting months now though, just wish I could see someone soon to maake me feel more the person I was last year. Thanks for listening and reading Pamii
