Put it like this, in my twenties I played with brass bands, jazz bands, played on television, (I’m not famous at all by the way) flew to Manchester on my own every other weekend, had a date with a rich and famous musician in Windsor, lived on my own, travelled frequently on my own round Ireland, loved every flippin’ second of it. Met a gorgeous bloke, had a baby, moved to England and lived there for 2 years and then came back to Ireland when I turned 30 to have have our second child nearer to my family and then bang! A miscarriage. I seemed to recover fine and went on to fall pregnant a few months later thankfully
….. Three months after giving birth to our second boy I took a panic attack in a local department store. I had no idea what it was and thought I was taking ill. The second one happened on the way back from Scotland on a long car journey and I really thought I couldn’t breathe, like I was suffocating, it was indescribable. By this stage they were happening in the evening at home whilst watching TV and I still didn’t know what it was. I went to the doctors and explained how I felt and was given beta-blockers as I was also suffering from palpitations at that time and sent for tests in the cardiology dept of a local hospital. My GP offered me anti-d’s over the course of 2 years but I kept refusing and instead have tried to deal with it myself. I seem to be managing it a bit better but still have to take Beta-blockers to quell the panic/anxiety going into certain situations. At one stage I was even taking panic attacks outside my sons school.
How on earth did this happen to me? Things are improving and I hope to be able to resume a semi-normal life again, I work part-time but still wont travel anywhere on my own and avoid shopping on my own. Yes, this has changed my life, I given up the music, although due the kids mostly, but I wouldn’t change what’s happened to me, it’s just another phase of my life from crazy hectic twenties to settled family life and perhaps that’s what caused it.
Cheers for reading this, it’s the first time I’ve actually put it on paper.
Sam
