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Williams Story

I'm 31 years old, and live with my partner and son in Scotland, UK. I've been with my partner for 6 years and my son is almost 2, before my son was born I kept what you would call 'bad company' we used to do drugs, not injecting or the likes, smoking pot and taking 'E'. You cannot begin to imagine how much I regret this now

.. Anyway, after a night with my 'friends' in July 2000, I took a very bad reaction to what I had been taking that evening and thought I was going to die. Luckily for me I was ok and by morning the effects had worn off and I was myself again.

I never thought much about it 'till I was back at work as a supervisor in an electronics factory and began feeling unwell during my shift. In August 2000, I was taken to hospital as I was shaking and had no idea what was happening, I was given an examination to eliminate any possibility of heart attacks, but was diagnosed as being prone to having 'panic attacks' or
'panic disorder'.

When I was released from hospital after a couple of days observation, I went home knowing I was never going to feel the same again, I had totally given up drugs and my 'friends' knew something was wrong with me.

Yvonne, my partner, became pregnant soon after I was out of hospital and I knew with that my life would change. In July 2001 Adam, my son, was born and the meaning of life was explained to me. The reason I was put here was to be a father to my little boy, now every day I look back with regret on the wasted days I spent with my so-called friends.

I've been on and off medication since coming out of hospital – mostly 'serotonin stabilizers' to control moods, the two types being 'seroxat, 30mg' and 'citalopram, 40mg' for 6 months and 1 year respectively. I've been off medication since Christmas 2002 (4 months) but over the last few weeks and more prominently the last few days I find this "…am I going to die
today??" thought being at the forefront of my mind.

I'm thinking of returning to the doctor for more treatment, I know I have to see this through for Adam's sake.