My first panic attack was at an army camp when I was 15. I was so tired from the activities and night hikes, my body just went crazy and I flipped out. I spent the night in the infirmary and my life changed forever…the next week I went on a family holiday to Canada and it was terrible. I remember having attacks all the time, travelling was a nightmare
….. I hardly wanted to venture from the hotel room. And then I slowly went from a confident boy to a nervous, self-doubting teenager. Looking back panic was always there but it didn’t stop me doing too much. I had girlfriends and soldiered on, toured the world with sport and managed academically, but I had just lost that confident edge. medication has never been for me though, too many scare stories about side effects
I was fixated by my breathing, convinced it would stop at any time. I still feel uncomfortable about my breathing to this day. I’m now 22.
I went to university in Nottingham away from my home in London and got by. I was so happy and relaxed with my first love but when we split I got very depressed and for a while, struggled to leave my house. I felt like a total failure. So I threw myself into work and got my degree in engineering and now I am coming to the end of my Masters at the Royal College of Art, London… I have kidded myself I am okay, but I still suffer with avoidance and occasional panic. right now I have a big problem with the tube. going abroad fills me with dread.
So far I have made a success of my life, I just pray that anxiety doesn’t stop me leading the life I want. that is my biggest fear. I’m about to start CBT which I hope will give me more coping tools.
its nice to know that there are others out there who share these feelings!
Will S
