Health anxiety is back really badly - rabies

Hi.
So, life has been great so far.
Health anxiety was gone for a long time, only hit-and-run ocd and contamination ocd were still in my mind. However, last 10 days have been like hell for me.

I was at my girlfriend's house and played with her dog and cat, later we went to an outdoor event. I remember how my driving ocd bothered me a little bit, but nothing bad. Next morning I woke up, ate breakfast and then I looked my hangnail wound and thought it would be good idea to google about rabies and wounds.

I have proof in browser history... "scratch dog salvia rabies", "hangnail wound". Okay, I decided to ask my girlfriend and she told me that her animals are vaccinated. Also I found out that animals can be monitored for 10 days, if they are still alive, then no rabies.

Second day I have these phrases in my history "mosquito bite dog licked rabies". This was the moment when I didn't care about my hangnail wound and thought that may be stray dog licked my mosquito bite on my other hand. Then I asked my girlfriend who was holding my hand all the time and she told me that there were no animals.

Okay, anxiety went down.... BUT third day after my first thought I googled these phrases "would I feel bat bite", "bat bite pictures". It was three days after that hangnail wound idea. And of course I found possible bat bite, it is my mosquito bite, that I scratched so much during this outdoor event. Problem is that I found another old wound below the mosquito bite, 1,5 cm is space between them.

This is the point when things went crazy. For last 10 days I have been thinking 24/7 how a bat bite me when I was at this outdoor event with like 500 people. I got that idea when I googled about rabies and that bats are main rabies risk in US. Actually I don't live in US and my country is rabies free, but still.

Neither me or my girlfriend saw a bat, rabies idea was actually from a hangnail wound and her dog. I remember how I scratched my mosquito bite. Also bats in my country are tiny, like 8 cm in lenght max. So they can't leave bite marks 1,5 cm apart.

But now I just can't get it out of my head. It gets better sometimes, like now when I type all the facts here. But then it starts all over. Deep down I know that everything is fine, I know the story and facts, but still this idea is like endless cycle in my head.

I really don't know what to do. It feels like depression starts to take over, I just can't calm down.

Also, here is the picture of my hand. You have to copy the link and delete one extra space, I don't have 10 posts to post a link.
"htt p://imgur.com/a/50xYJ"
I took the picture 2 days after the outdoor event.

With respect, I have to say, that is one of the most revealing posts about HA I've ever read. Your account of the thought patterns and how it evolved, transformed and is affecting you is one of the most interesting accounts of what the mind does in spite of complete and total rationality and reality. It accurately, IMO, illustrates what HA does to the mind.

Needless to say, I think you know how irrational you're being but your anxiety is really doing a number on you.

I truly can't imagine these kinds of thoughts constantly torturing you. I hope you find some relief. Are you getting help with your anxiety?

Positive thoughts

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fishmanpa

I truly can't imagine these kinds of thoughts constantly torturing you. I hope you find some relief. Are you getting help with your anxiety?

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Not yet.

Because I had control over my thoughts. I mean, throwing away bottle of water when it doesn't do the right sound when I open it. Or sometimes driving back and checking the roads. I can live with that.
It would take time to get help from psychiatrist. First, I could get an appointment next month may be, it takes time here. I definitely do it if things wont get better.

Actually, same pattern has happened once. I went running during winter with two pairs of pants. It was the same, I discovered small abrasion on my leg and thought that it would be good idea to read about hiv. Next four months I read every day people's post in hiv positive forums how to live with hiv. Finally my anxiety went down when I accepted to live with hiv rest of my life. And then I tested and it came back negative.

But what can I do with rabies? I can't live next 3-4 months thinking every day how I die soon. It's a cycle, I felt better yesterday when I posted this but now my brain just restarts.

May be I need someone to say out these facts about my story and look at this picture I posted. I don't know what to do.

You are living with some pretty severe OCD, which appears to be a big factor in your anxiety. You definitely need to call and make an appointment to see a psychiatrist, and consider that medication may make your life a lot better. If you are unable to do this, put faith in a friend or loved one and have them initiate the calls for you, drive you there, etc. You are suffering, and it doesn't need to be like this every day.

That's definitely anxiety and OCD. It sounds similar to how my own anxiety goes when I'm in a spiral. Bats would avoid a big gathering of over 500 people. Remember they use echo location. They would not even come close.

The definitely is a sucky mosquito bite though. I'm allergic to them and end up with giant welts.

Also your girlfriend's animals are vaccinated. There have been studies that suggest that we overvaccinate our pets. If hers even got ONE vaccination you'd still be fine.

I hope you can get some help for your spiraling thoughts. It's hell I know

Pretty obvious OCD from the themes and you have a good understanding of it.

Rabies is just another element of your Contamination theme. Whilst you say you can live with throwing a bottle away if it doesn't make the right sound, it's still an irrational fear and whilst they are there you can get new ones developing like this current rabies one.

So, look at the cycles. Where are your triggers? Where are your compulsions, what triggers them and what do you do? Work on eliminating those compulsions as they will weaken the obsession. Once you are no longer completing compulsions you will find it less intense, although initially this is always hard.

Intrusive thoughts by any chance? These thrive on your negative reaction. Starve the reaction and the thoughts go as the subconscious learns by observation that the thoughts don't evoke the required fear response therefore aren't to be associated with the fear cycle anymore.

Triggers to research? or test yourself? Again, like the compulsions these need to be eliminated by exposing yourself to the fear they build as you don't do them. Over time you increase the waiting time and you start to find you can control it all better.

Reasurance seeking. Eliminate it. It never helps when it's based on irrational fear. It only reinforces the need for fear to be present just like the fear response to intrusive thoughts or the need for compulsions.

You have the information you need, you can work on reframing, Thought Records, etc. But the rest is allowing the subconscious to learn and this is the hard bit that takes time. Doing this means doing things like I mentioned above.

Driving back and checking the roads. I've done that . And I did the bottle of water thing the other day. I sympathise. Get some help :)

Thanks for the replies.

Yesterday everything was so good. I wrote all these "evidences" here and the first comment gave my idea to not analyze the "bite" or my other wounds but just these idea patterns. And it helped so much. I thought it was over until night.

I came home and got a idea that I should look my browser history to be even more convinced that I got that bat idea on the third day and it's just in my head. And then I found 3 google searches about bats in my country during the first day. It triggered a little bit but not very badly.

However, I woke up in the morning and I had a thought in my head that I have to see my phones browser histroy. And then things went down. I can't see more than seven days and I tried to open database files in my phone system files. Basically three hours of trying and I couldn't open this file. Then my anxiety skyrocketed. Finally I realised and asked myself how is this phone and the file even related to rabies.

So it's back again. I think I write down all the evidences again and then try to make myself busy tomorrow. The Hardest hours are few hours after noon.

I understand finding my triggers but how to not react negatively to them? How could I think positively about rabies?

Also, it's so funny that all my other ocd thoughts are gone at the moment. Not a single thought that I should check something on the road or anything.

Can you see that those 3 hours were engaging with the obsession?

The point should be that you have no chance of even having it so why does anything else matter? Doubts will trigger you into these cycles. You have to accept they will come but that's just how this works so the less you let it take you by surprise, the less it will spike you.

Yes, I can see.

But it's still so hard to deal with it. Today is a little bit better again. Other life problems are in my mind, so I think less about that.

These doubts just keep coming back, I want to look at this picture again and convince myself that little bat can't make such a wound. But I still haven't done anything.

Another funny story. Yesterday my cat who is not vaccinated and lives outdoor scratched me pretty badly. And I don't worry about that, I know that there is no rabies in my country and my cat acts normal, so why should I worry. But this mysterious "bat" story is still in my mind.