Feeling isolated and looking for support

Hi all,

I am new to this site but was looking for some friendly support/advice and to meet people in a similar situation to me.

I have been suffering anxiety attacks now for around three months and have been put on propranolol by my doctor. I cannot decipher what causes the attacks but I often have a panic attack and then feel sick for several hours after. I have a phobia of vomit and wonder if this is why sickness is such a frequent part of my anxiety? I am really struggling to cope with having anxiety attacks and it is putting a massive strain on my relationship. I feel I am constantly ruining our time together because I can't go out if I feel I might have an attack. My partner has been incredibly supportive however I still feel very isolated at the moment as I do not believe he fully understands what I am feeling. Anxiety to me is a very lonely place.

I have struggled telling my family in some fear that I might have let them down and often struggle at work, having to frequently take time out of the day to calm myself down. I also suffer from ibs and mild ocd.

How do you cope with the day to day stresses of anxiety? And how do you manage/ control it around work and your partners?

Thank you everyone

Hiya Bumble Bee and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

Thank you Emmz :)

:welcome:

It's good to hear you have such a supportive partner. I know what you mean though, mine is also pretty supportive (he actually has issues too) but he doesn't understand at all, I often feel lonely too. This place helps me a lot :)

As to getting through the day, I just make sure I have a good balance of rest and pushing myself. Exercise and good food. That's what works for me for now.

Hi Bumble Bee --

I know how you feel -- the isolation makes the anxiety symptoms much worse. For me, being open and honest with family and close friends has helped me cope. When I spend a lot of time trying to hide my anxiety/panic, it makes me feel worse -- and isolated, as you describe. Try to talk it out with your spouse and point him/her to articles that describe your condition.

When I'm feeling very anxious, I listen to my anxiety podcasts (you can find so many in the APP Store on Apple devices. Or just find books, online articles, etc. There is SO much info out there and it can help you realize that you are most definitely NOT alone! I read last night that 18% of the US population has an anxiety disorder. That's a lot of people!

Hang in there and come to these boards often. :)

Hi bumblebee

It is a terrible shock and trying to understand myself is difficult enough so i often think how could anyone else understand too. Ive been suprised though and lots of people have or do suffer from attacks and i found some closest did understand the struggle even if not all the same as they had experienced. It just helps to know others are there and not judging you.

Hi bumblebee,
I can totally relate to your situation, fortunately after many years of suffering I consider myself 100% free of unwanted anxiety/panic attacks. The best piece of advice I can give to someone in your situation is to start the process of detaching from your thoughts - this sounds like a worrying idea to most people however most people do not realise that we are much more than our thoughts, the idea of our 'self' is usually attached to the voice we hear and the images and scenes we see in our mind but this is a delusion.
The intellect tells us to worry, it exaggerates things, it tells us we aren't good enough or attractive enough or smart enough. The reminders can be very repetitive and are to most people very believable, especially when "anxiety" can be used as evidence of your incapability to function as you might want (it's a viscous cycle). The majority of imagery and scenes we observe in our minds are shown to us automatically, triggered by events, people, words.
Know that these autonomous negative thoughts are nothing more than the minds attempt to protect us. They are absolutely nothing to worry about. Everyone has them, in my experience the people who mostly decide they are a problem are people who have very high standards for themselves/hypochondria/health anxieties/perfectionism/tendency to worry - these are usually learned behaviours from the sufferer's parent(s) or guardian(s). Sometimes these learned behaviours are so deeply part of our 'self' that we don't see them as destructive patterns and just as "me".
I would encourage anyone who suffers with anxiety to:

a) Have a good think about your parent/guardian's personality traits - When you were growing up were either of them worriers, anxious, overly health conscious, perfectionistic, highly strung, obsessive? Your anxiety could be fed by thought patterns which were learned from your parents/guardians. Awareness of your learned patterns will be a fast track to you separating yourself from them and getting to know your true self underneath the thoughts.

b) Meditate - sitting every day for as little as ten minutes and focussing on your breath will bring you into the present moment, quieten your mind and create space between you and your thoughts. The practice of watching your thoughts as often as possible during your day will be the foundation of learning the true nature of your thoughts, their origin and their purpose. Watching & listening to the thoughts without any judgment or interruption will be best gift you could give to your intellect. Let it run wild, appreciate it for its concern for your best interests, but do not believe what it says without hard evidence that it is telling the truth. Remember: it is trying to keep you safe by showing you worst case scenarios. I treat my intellect like a high maintenance friend that needs to vent it's frustrations from time to time. Give it space and find time to appreciate it for all the positive things it does for you (Yes! There are positive things, look for them!).

c) Let go - this is easier said than done. Surrendering to the thoughts and feelings that you perceive to be fearful is always going to be a challenge. I listened to relaxation CDs for years when I was at my most anxious and I truly thought I was letting go and relaxing but I really wasn't. I was still in my head and TRYING to relax, TRYING to fix myself. Maybe it will help you to let go if I point you in the right direction - I try to give up all resistance to thoughts and feelings at least once a day, here's how I do it...
I become aware of my bodily sensations and the present moment, I create a sinking feeling in my body as it relaxes, if you're doing this right you might find that you start to yawn and/or cry a little, I also get some muscle twitches. I may only sit with this for seconds or minutes but there is a definate feeling of release. Your rate of breathing my speed up, you might sweat or blink a lot, maybe you'll feel tingles in your body. This is how I know that I have temporarily broken the mind and body's conditioned tendency to resist negative thoughts and feelings. Whatever feelings arise, sit with them, they will soon pass.

Getting yourself into this low-resistance state and watching your thoughts may eventually become a very pleasurable experience, even if the emotions are painful (sounds strange right?). You'll learn how quickly that thoughts can leave the mind and feelings can leave the body when we do not resist them. You'll learn that thoughts and feelings are nothing to be concerned about. Giving the mind space and the body freedom feels like taking the lid of a bottle of coke, releasing the pressure and letting it settle.

I see this advice as much more than "beating anxiety", this is about being your true self and finding a place of ease and calm that is inside all of us. Rest assured that you are not "broken" or "Ill" or "damaged", gain a little perspective with these techniques and your life will change forever. I am glad that I suffered with anxiety because it made me find my true self.

For more information and guidance check out a meditation app called 'Headspace' and a book called 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle. For the people who can afford £3,000 - accelerate your "recovery" with a week away at The Hoffman Process (you'll leave feeling like you've been reborn).

Huge love to you all!

Mike

Hi bumblebee,

I'm afraid I can't give you any advice as I'm totally new to all of this, however I can totally sympathise with feeling that you're letting people down! Guilt is playing a massive part of anxiety for me. I also understand the difficulty of suffering at work, it really affects every aspect of your life. It's great to hear that your partner is supportive, having my partner support me makes the whole thing a little more bearable, but I think it's very difficult for someone to understand the struggle when they haven't experienced it themselves.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful but just wanted to let you know you're not alone!
Xx