Life after Citalopram - how can I treat/help my anxiety?

Hi there,

I'm 28 and have been taking Citalopram (20mg) for 7 years now (I think! :unsure:) - at first to treat a bad episode of depression, and then over time this has manifested into general anxiety (I've also suffered from BDD since I was 16).

Currently, my depression is mostly mild and even when it's not it's usually fleeting, however I still do have a fair amount of trouble with anxiety (and also not-very-frequent but fairly severe episodes of depression caused by the BDD). This has mostly been the case for at least 3 years now although I did have a couple of set backs depression-wise caused by some upsetting events in the last 2.

Over the past few months, I've been "experimenting" with my medication by going cold turkey for a week or two at a time, and then going back on it to see what the difference is. Over the years I've actually done this quite a few times (not deliberately up into recently though - in the past it was just because I forgot to renew my prescription or lost my packet etc.).

Most of the time when this has happened, especially earlier in time when my problems were worse, I've (obviously) experienced withdrawl in the form of panic attacks/bad episodes of anxiety/nausia/general feelings of weirdness e.t.c. Sometimes however, this hasn't happened, but one thing that has happened every single time, is that I suddenly feel a lot more "alive" somehow, and also that I suddenly have A LIBIDO!

It sounds strange, but up until my recent "experiment", I'm not sure I actually realised that my libido was low, or that I didn't actually feel "normal" whilst on the meds. It isn't until I stopped taking them, and looking out for these changes, that I realise that they've been having this massively negative effect, and that I'm not actually myself under their influence.

Don't get me wrong - In the beginning coming off Citalopram was not an option because my mental health was a lot worse - so although I noticed differences at the time when I forgot to get a new prescription etc, my priority was feeling better about myself (and at the time I also wasn't sure if it was just a coincidence or not), so I don't regret taking it when I became ill because it has helped me a lot. But now things are a lot more under control and have been for a while - and so I have, after a lot of thinking time over the last few days, arrived at the conclusion that the negative effects of this drug now outweigh the positives for me, and probably have done for at least a year and a half.

I realise that the decision to self non-medicate was pretty foolish, by the way. :blush: It's just that I really wanted to know what effect Citalopram was having on me, before I decided whether or not to come off it permanently!

So, I've now gone back to taking it regularly, but will be making an appointment with the doctor this morning to ask about coming off the drug gradually. I want to do it this way obviously, so hopefully the withdrawl won't be as bad as it would be stopping outright, however I recently read some of the horror stories on this forum about the symptoms often being quite severe even when gradually lowering your dose, so I know I'm going to have to prepare myself for a possible difficult time ahead. :weep: I do however think it will be worth it, to feel like myself again!

So, after reciting War and Peace, I suppose I'll get on with my main question!

Once I am no longer taking an SSRI, I'm hoping I'll be able to control my episodes of anxiety (sometimes I don't have one for months) with an "as and when" type of anxiety drug. I don't know much about these, although I have taken herbal Kalms before (to be honest I don't know whether they had any effect or not as I was on Citalopram at the time anyway). I know one of the most common things that's used in such a way is a type of Anti-Histamine, but I've heard they and other similar drugs can be addictive when taken long term?

Does anybody have any effective ways of controlling their anxiety without SSRI's? Not necessarily medication, just anything that helps really? Breathing exercises do help me a bit, and I might even consider CBT (I've had course of this before but unfortunately when the sessions commenced I was absolutely fine anxiety AND depression wise all the way through that period, so I felt I didn't really have anything to work with with the therapist! :doh:), but I do think I'd feel a lot better about the whole situation if I knew there was something I could actually take in those occasional times of panic. I think that in itself, might stop me panicking! I wondered what medicated Kalms are like - does anybody know? And are there any anxiety sufferers who have been in the same position, (i.e. coming off Citalopram/anti-depressants) who can give me any advice in general?

Sorry this was so long, but any tips or little bits of reassurance would be really appreciated! :)