Sorry people......Massive angry rant from emetophobic re: xmas drunken-ness

I'm really sorry but I just have to get this out of my system. Maybe best not to read this if you get angry about selfish drunk people being sick or if you are dealing with emetophobia right now.
I was reading a post just now where someone's at home & their brother's brought a friend home because they're having a lads night. This disgusting drunken mate's is now being sick in their only bathroom. Reading this thread was highly triggering for me; its exactly what my brothers used to do when I was little. They invaded our house with horrible drunken people & got hideously drunk themselves. I felt threatened by my brothers at the best of times but if they were drunk it was even worse. I hate drunk people so much as they can be so unpredictable; they act out of character. Also the threat they'll be sick too.
I mean, why is it necessary to behave like this? What possible delight would anyone get out of doing this horrible thing? I just cant see the logic in it. Millions of people around the country now going mad getting horribly drunk & for what? So they feel like death? So they do something repulsive? I dont see the fun in that at all.
Its only now, this year I have finally realised some of the things that fuel my emetophobia. It isnt just the fact that getting sick is unpleasant. Its also to do with what happened when I was growing up. I put up with years of crap from my brothers & then when I was about 13 they started getting drunk alot. I have massive problems being around drunk people. It doesnt mean I've never had a drink but I have never been sick as a result.
The worst thing for me was having no control over it & of course Christmas/New Year were the worst times. Not only were my horribly drunk brothers in our house but also some of their drunken friends too. I was only a little girl & these big boisterous lads scared me. I wish I could have just run away somewhere else, somewhere full of nice people who didnt do disgusting things. But some people are just so inconsiderate. They have no thoughts for other at all. I just cant put into words how it made me feel when I was a kid.
I can remember getting really angry about it & saying something to my mother. She just got angry with me! Like I had done something wrong how exactly????? She was usually in bed when it all happened. I wonder now if she was just hiding & wouldnt come down to sort it out. No wonder I was scared. I really do not miss xmas at home, really I dont. It was such a relief when I didnt have to tolerate it any more after I left. But even now I still feel that Christmas brings along all this threat into my life.
I've been really good lately not getting wound up over the noro virus thing; you wont believe it but as I type this, I hear my partner talking to her sister-in-law. Hmmmn. Turns out that they've had noro in the house. Deep joy. My partner knows about my phobia & has just told me it was a week ago that they had it. She says she wouldnt lie to me. This bl@@dy phobia turns me into someone I dont really like as I do get pretty scared by it. Of course I wasnt too bad til I heard that conversation they just had & despite the reassurance already from my partner (& being told "not to wind myself up about it") of course...... I am now having to implement thought stopping techniques. Of course I now dont feel as well as did before. 30 seconds makes all the difference.
This is why I dont like this time of year. There's always a consequence of going off to see people at Christmas. I think next year I'm going to become a hermit for 2 weeks. At least then I wont have to deal with some of this crap.
So that's it, I think I'm going to shut up now. I do apologise as I have tried to hard only to post positive helpful things on the emetophobia threads but now all I want to do is burst into tears, have a massive rant at my partner & say I'm not going to xmas dinner at my in-laws. I'll probably come back & read this in a week's time & think I was so over-reacting to it all but right now it's feeling pretty full on. OK, time to go as I'm doing myself (& my fellow emetophobes) no favours here am I?
Lastly, here's a helpful thread, read the original post from Iced_Diamond it is very good:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=126709

---------- Post added at 20:31 ---------- Previous post was at 18:27 ----------

i have calmed down now...

I'm sorry if my thread triggered your anger off tessar :( I just felt like I needed to vent :(

It's just being at home with so many people over Christmas really triggers my emet off badly, I do wonder if its due to the fact we only have one bathroom and should anyone get ill I panic about needing the toilet and stuff.

My mum also works in a school, where germs are rife, and she's out and about doing the whole Christmas event thing with church, so is always in contact with different people so I panic incase something gets picked up. She is also mega stressed about my brother too and his behaviour now he's back home for the festive season, meaning I always worry she is going to get ill.

I know life's too short and all that, but I guess unless you share this fear it's quite hard to understand. Maybe it's a bit linked to health anxiety - in the whole respect of "oh no I'm ill" thing. Anyway, that's my little ramble for now, just heard mum get up and worried she will be sick :-/

Oh the joys of being an emet!!

It's ok franfhm you dont have to be sorry - I'm glad you were able to vent - I chose to read your thread so it's down to me. I know I have to take responsibility for what I do. I could have just ignored it but actually it's helping me deal with alot of what happened to me when I was growing up. So actually it was probably a helpful thing - so that's why I dont feel you need to apologise (hope that makes sense). When stuff happens to us when we're growing up, it does have an impact. When we adults it can still have an effect & I'm working on losing the past & making my own new happy memories.
Today I've already told myself that instead of panicking about where we're going & what might happen, I'm just going to think about what today is & be as happy as I can. I know I might have moments when I get triggered but I have to cope with that. No one else can do it for me. I must admit it was a bit of a rant..... but sometimes it just happens as you know.
You are right that life's too short; sharing about fear is important too. It does help even if it doesnt feel like it at the time. RE: your mum getting up .... I know at times today I'll be on "high alert" but I'm just going to use what skills I have to lessen any of my worries. In a few days it'll all be back to normal, phew.

I know the feeling. Spending Christmas at center Parcs and today, Xmas day, everyone except me is sick!!! I am so panicky & can't stop crying. Christmas Day is a disaster!!!

Tessar, I'm so sorry to read that it's all getting too much for you again :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I've been feeling the same way myself. Yesterday, I started to feel unwell and I just lost it with myself. I was sooo angry - I was screaming at myself in the mirror and called myself the 'c' word a few times. As if it's not hard enough having to deal with all the extra (real or imaginary) risks that this time of year brings! I too get extremely angry about drunkeness - I just don't get it! WHY do people do it??? What pleasure is there in that?

AND I'm finding it very hard not to post a massive rant on my facebook reminding people to keep their filthy f*ing germs to themselves! (Sorry if I'm not supposed to put that :blush:)

I hope you have had a better day today xxx

What is it with this stupid phobia, Angelai? Why do we punish ourselves....! I suppose it's because fear is a very powerful emotion & when we're in situations that we have no control over (particularly this time of year when often "choices" are taken away from us & we're "obliged" to "do the right thing" etc etc) we just go into panic mode. For me I just want to run away & not be cornered by the fear. Flight is always my automatic choice. Of course, the situation I had here wasnt something I could run away from. It would have be a bit embarrassing for my partner to say "oh, we arent coming to xmas dinner coz she's too scared to go near you people who've had germs". So of course I did go & actually I had a good time. My partners family are kind. It wasnt their fault they'd been ill so I didnt want to take it out on them.
I think sometimes the worse thing is who do you take it out on? It makes me feel scared & angry. I hate feeling trapped. I could quite gladly have smashed something to bits but of course I didnt.
I hope you're not feeling unwell anymore. As you probably know, taking it out on yourself (name calling, anger etc) isnt the best thing to do. But I can appreciate why you'd do it. It has been amazing reading other people's posts on here. You're right that this time of year does seem to bring risks.
As regards drunkeness - I will never get it. The questions "WHY" & WWhat pleasure is there" are ones I'll never have the knowledge to answer. Obviously those people arent scared of getting sick I suppose. But why they'd put themselves in an unpleasant situation (supposedly for fun) is really beyond me.
Did you resist ranting on facebook?
Ejr - did you survive your center Parcs ordeal?
So, finally i have calmed down properly now... but I must admit I dont like feeling that way, its not pleasant. Perhaps I should feel lucky my phobia is only seriously triggered occasionally. Much of the time it's a case of remaining self-disciplined about the fear & keeping my thoughts in check. Phew.

I fully empathise with this.

I have had to stop myself on SO many occasions this winter period from posting on people's Facebook walls. Their children have had a high temperature, sick once, off their food - lets whip them to the walk in centre/a&e and then send them to school/playgroup the next day. It's not just parents/children. I had a friend who lives in another county who had the norovirus who went into work in the midst of the virus - which then was passed onto her immediate colleagues.

I do have some sympathy - when children are sick it's very easy to get worked up, but there needs to be more education about things like viruses and bacteria within parent groups - the norovirus, whilst horrible (and believe me, I DO NOT want to get this as emet) does work its way out of the system within 48 hours usually and will not cause you serious harm (although there are exceptions). There is a woman I know on FB who takes her children to the doctors the INSTANT her children have a sniffle - it's very frustrating as a) the child usually is fine and is more disrupted from the journey to the doctors and b) if the child is SICK, that means the virus is passed onto the other people.

I was thinking about this the other day - I swear down that when I was a kid, yes, we got sick - chicken pox was the rage in the 1990's, but we just learnt to live with it and none of us had any horrific experiences. It seems that the media has portrayed all these illnesses with such scare that parents feel like they are going to let their children down if they don't seek medical attention. As a result, children with small infections are taken to doctors, which are passed onto other patients, which causes wide spread infection. Maybe it wasn't reported as much in my day, but I never remember massive widespread infection like we have now.

Sorry, I seem to have had my own rant.

The thing with drunkeness bothers me to the extent where I will rarely go out in pubs past around 10pm, and to be honest, I rarely go to them at all. I used to live in the centre of Norwich down a strip of road which was notorious for revellers to walk down, find they felt sick after copious alcohol and a kebab, and chuck it up. It was horrible to dodge the deposits.

For a long long time during my teens and early twenties, I actually refused to drink due to the fear of being sick. I have actually been sick through drinking three times, and the most recent in July, which has made me resolute never to get drunk again - and I haven't.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Angelai

AND I'm finding it very hard not to post a massive rant on my facebook reminding people to keep their filthy f*ing germs to themselves! (Sorry if I'm not supposed to put that :blush:)

I hope you have had a better day today xxx

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I updated my status earlier regarding that. But I just thought 'what's the point? No one's going to take any notice of it'. I was angry though and just thought I'd vent somewhere.

Like I said somewhere else, ignorance and selfishness plays a roll in the spread of the stupid stomach virus.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your awful experience Tessar! I saw someone come out from a pub earlier and started to be sick, it was so awful! Those horrible images are going to be in engraved into my mind for a while now.. But since it was because they were drunk, then I'm not THAT bothered by it. If it was from a stomach virus, then I would have a massive panic attack if I saw someone be sick.