13 Years of Agoraphobia - Suddenly Moving On

Hey everyone.

After a rollercoaster of a year things finally came to a head today, breaking me down to tears and realising I needed to find somewhere to go and meet people who could understand what's been plaguing me.

So in short (Short as I can!) I've been living with Agoraphobia since my early teens, affecting my school and ultimately causing me to drop out at a tender age of 15. From there on out I was housebound, being given care that only really made the situation worse. My life trundled with ups and downs, including an abusive relationship and weight gain, up until last year.

I'm not entirely sure what switched, but I suddenly dropped 9 stone, met my current partner online and even ventured outside - not only for the first time in 13 years - but to stores, the airport and more. It was a pretty drastic and shocking change! I still get that anxiety and the fear of the unknown OUT THERE keeps me terrified, all made a little easier with something as simple as love.

So now, my current predicament as I go forward:

Being as I dropped out of school I have NO qualifications and NO work experience. This phobia essentially left me a ghost in the system and, all of a sudden, I need to head back out there and support myself somehow. I'd like to find a place with my girlfriend, work and drive (I'm learning to) but I have no idea how I can... Or even if I ever can. All of the anxiety of trying to dip my toes in the water and enter a normal working life terrifies me to the point of wanting to simply go back to how I was for those 13 years. Unhappy, but safe and supported.

It's a terrible mindset considering my progress, and dragged me to tears. I have no idea what options and support I can get, or the sort of work I could look into. I have looked around and seen jobs I'd enjoy, though realistically my chances of getting them are incredibly slim without experience - and I'd never be able to move out of the rut I'm in and support myself through education.

Basically I've seen nothing of the world outside the eyes of a teenager and have no idea where I'm going. :unsure:

Thank you for reading all that - if anyone has any words of advice or similar experience I'd love to hear it!

This all sounds brilliant. You definitely need to keep up the positive thinking and keep hacking away at anxiety.

Finding work is a difficult thing to do at the moment even without a history of anxiety. Getting your feet on the ladder is probably the most important thing. Most people start with crappy jobs but then try to network and build up towards better, more suitable long term jobs. Have you got a temp agency nearby? I found temping to be a really useful way to get short periods of different types of work that you can just turn down if you don't like the idea of it.

Good luck.

Sounds a bit like me, I left school at 15 too but had a bit of home schooling did my GCSE's at school in a different room so I got some grades but pretty useless ones as didn't finish coursework and I couldn't concentrate at school. I even went back for 1 year of 6th form, used to skip assemblies and trips out but just about managed it. I was going to start college but I only made it to the induction day!

Put on a load of weight but haven't lost it yet like you, don't think I will. Glad you managed to get out and turn your life around.

You should go to the job centre they are always telling me about supported back to work schemes, I can't remember the details really but I'm sure there are lots of different schemes with sympathetic employers, its a lot better than it used to be.

I identify with a lot of what you said. I have agoraphobia as well - I go out maybe once a month on average, but currently I haven't been out since September. I also left school at 15 with no qualifications - had to do GCSEs from home as I got no help. I'm 24 now and also have no experience. Unlike you, I find talking even online really difficult, but I'm hoping this forum will help with that.

Personally, I was thinking I could get temporary Christmas work when I'm ready to kind of ease me into it and then use that as a stepping stone to a more permanent job.

I just want to say congratulations really for getting as far as you have - for me, it's inspiring.

First off, I will say "don't look back!". Looking forward is scary sometimes, but so is looking back, so might as well keep on moving forward. Secondly, i will say expectations are everything. Take one step at a time on your new journey - don't set expectations too high at first, or you will feel like you failed quicker and with much prodding.

I have had "functional" agoraphobia for about 14 years now. I deal with it most days, especially on my drives to and from work. You would think - I have made the drive well over 700 times now, so it would be easier. Some days it is OK, other days not so much.

I am not going to sugar coat it though (expectations, remember), your lack of sort of the basic education is going to make things difficult - probably moreso than lack of experience perhaps. That being said, look at the problems the way I do: What is the problem? OK, now we know what the problem is, let's discover the ways to correct that problem.

Finally, one thing you may want to consider straight off is perhaps volunteering somewhere. They aren't going to require an education really, nor experience. However, you will be able to gain experience and references if you do this. Plus, these types of gigs usually aren't 40 hours a week, full of pressures and responsibilities, etc. and I think that is important at the stage you are in right now. I mean, you have spent 13 years basically housebound, what is a few more months transitioning? Good luck to you!

Mike