This is NOT normal! Help... Psychopath :(

I haven't been out for like 3 days..so today I forced myself to go to the supermarket...

but all I could think in my head was,what if im a serial killer,a murderer,what if i hurt one of these people? what if im really evil...what if I want to hurt these people!? what if its not just intrusive thoughts,and this is who I Really am.. what if i lose control right now and hurt people? nothing is stopping me,this is probably who i really am..etc etc,then my vision went a bit weird and i had a full of panic attack....I was in a mess..I didn't get to look around the shop at all as I was in full panic mode...and ended up quickly paying for a magazine then rushed to the car...still thinking none stop about these horrible things.

I feel like I dont know who I am.
I don't know wtf is going on and why I am thinking this stuff,what if this is who I am? How do I know?! what if I actually do want to hurt people?

I feel sick,I want to die to be honest. I dont want this, i dont want to think this.I want to be happy and a caring nice person,I dont want this stuff in my head. I want to know who I am and be sure that I am a nice person...not worry that I am a psycho killer who is going to lose control and snap

Hi - sorry you are having a rough time.

There is a thread just below "harming others" under OCD - Pure O thoughts.

Try not to let them worry you - anxiety up to its old tricks again.

Have a read.

I have read that thread a lot, but a part of me says that what they are going through is different and what I have is just me being an evil person..
Its hard to explain.

I have never experienced horrible thoughts so strongly while out before,its kind of scared me

Hi

The thing is Evil people do not know they are evil.

You are NOT evil just mind playing tricks have you spoken to your doc and talked about meds?

:'(

I am quite good at cutting hair and my mum asked me to cut the back of hers..and I kept getting like images/thoughts of what if I stuck the scissors in her neck..omg,wtf is wrong with me! I love her,why would I think that?? all the way through cutting her hair i felt like breaking down and crying,or running away...Wtf is wrong with my head!! what if I would of just lost it and done that?

I need to be locked up or something.

I really cant live like this much longer..

It is a horrible feeling - I first started having these thoughts years ago - what if I ......., etc, thought I must be a psychopath. It is anxiety playing mind games - there were no books or internet then and I really felt I was losing the plot.

Go and have a chat with your doctor he may give you something to help.

I know Prozac stopped a lot of this Mind Chatter as they call it. When we are well and relaxed with don't think them - anxiety just likes to frighten you as I know so well. You are not MAD!

This is classic pure-o. We have a thought of hurting someone, then start to think that this is us, we are evil. Then we think no, i resist the thought, so I can't be evil... but then think, what if I start liking the thought, I feel like I may like it, like it will be pleasurable to me, just like a psychopath...And around we go. Honestly, I would leave myself locked in a room with you and you holding a butchers knife. You are not going to act on these thoughts. OCD is the doubters disease because we just constantly doubt ourselves, and doubt if it's even ocd and not something else.
Every time you get a thought, try to let it be there...allow yourself to think it, but minimize the anxious reaction you have. You keep thinking this because your brain thinks it is important. Realize how you won't think about it for a few minutes, then all of the sudden it pops up again. Your brain has marked it as important because of your strong reaction to it. React calmly to the thought, let it be there and give it room while you continue other things without being anxious about it and your brain eventually becomes desensitized.
You're okay my friend...don't lose hope ! xx