Losing Control

Hiya
I am brand new to this site and wanted to post to feel that I am not alone with this.
I suffer with GAD and Post traumatic stress which I have been having therapy on and off for 3 years now.
Whilst I sit here at work, I am having a panic attack. Nobody knows this and I feel that no one understands. But my head is tight (which I panic is a brain haemmorage). I feel dizzy (which I am afraid I will collapse).
It's the fear of collapsing and dying and no one being able to help me. Every symptom feels like its going to kill me and I am paranoid to the point of not wanting to leave the house.
I have tried everything from CBT to currently CAT, hypnotherapy etc and I just can't find the way to ACCEPT the anxieties, the fears and the intrusive thoughts. They scare me every day and several times a day.
My husband is thoroughly supportive but do any of you feel that you are still alone?
My parents particularly my Dad shout at me to pull myself together and my Mum struggles to accept the feelings and just tells me that I won't die which doesn't reassure me.
I worry that I have also cried wolf and that no one will believe me or be there to help when I actually am in need.
Sorry for rambling.. Just feel so lost at the moment.
x

Hey,
Sorry to hear your feeling so down.

Anxiety is a horrible illness an I can very much relate to what your feeling.

A few years ago I was exactly how you describe, completely agoraphobic and worrying over every little symptom my body did. I had the same feelings of you of head tightness and dizziness, almost feeling spaced out. Like you I automatically though this was a brain problem and that I would collapse.

I've been through numerous bouts of counselling which were mainly CBT- a lot didn't help me and I felt stuck. Then, I had one counsellor who really really did help. He encouraged me to do things like go outside and stand still (something I found so hard!), an something just clicked. I started medication which was something I was previously too scared to do, 2 years later on Sertraline and I really do feel like me again. Different things work for different people and I think its all about just finding something that goes right for you. It takes perseverance and a whole lot of effort and work- but you will get there. Don't ever think that this is it, that your stuck like this, because you aren't. You will get better.

In terms of feeling alone I also felt the same. I had support from my parents and my boyfriend but I still felt they didn't understand. Its a really hard thing to translate to someone when you don't really understand why you feel like it yourself. I think one of the worst things of anxiety/ocd/depression is how it creates so much going on in your own head, you become so internally thinking that its inevitable it makes you feel alone. It took me till I started feeling better to realise that all the people there for you really do care for you and as much as you feel they don't understand, they do more than you think. They may not get the complete story or completely understand how you feel, but they care about you and your wellbeing and that's what matters.

I started writing on this forum a lot and writing a blog. It really helped me writing a blog as it helped me get everything out. I could write exactly how I felt without the feeling that someone I know would find it and would see that I've written perhaps what they would perceive as negative things about them.

Stay positive xx

are you on any meds to help?

Thank you so much for the reply and for taking the time. I am definitely going to read your blog.
I keep saying that things will get better soon... It's just soon has turned into a very long time.

Take care yourself too

xx

---------- Post added at 14:22 ---------- Previous post was at 14:21 ----------

Hi Shiznit,

I was on Sertraline last year but he only gave me a couple weeks dose as the doc didn't agree with it.

I have a new Doctor now and have made an appointment to see him next week to discuss options.

My husband and I want to try for a family and I am worried about being on this.

x

Meds are pretty safe to take and start families with so should be ok. There are lots options out there, so don't be disheartened because it didn't work with the Sertraline. Keep us posted

I often think I'm going to suddenly die of a heart attack but that comes from the fear of when my dad had them , three in one day , but I know it's just a fear. That doesn't make it any easier though , as you may already know , often at times it makes it worse as I feel so stupid for letting it get to me so much. I also have times in the day where I feel like I'm going to snap due to the intense feeling of crazy anxiety gives me and it happens everyday , particularly in the mornings before work. I work full time which doesn't help. I have started to develop bad habits because of this as I now take strong painkillers with codeine to just relax me and take away the anxiety it does help sometimes , not all the time though as my system is use to them now !

---------- Post added at 17:55 ---------- Previous post was at 17:55 ----------

:wacko:

I feel alone sometimes. And yes it's hard for people without it to understand. 2 months ago I wouldn't have understood either. I'm hoping to get better soon I don't want to be like this for years.