Am I likely to be prescribed anything?

I'm 29 and back in Jan 2010 I had to seek help from the NHS as my anxiety had gone through the roof and I was struggling to get to the shops or anything.
This was the first time i'd ever asked for help and tried to confront the problem a bit. I was prescribed Propranalol and given a (bit of a questionable) course of CBT, 30min sessions once a week over phone for a couple of months. I didn't see my doctor, the nurseont he phone told me I hadn't seen him for so long, theyjust referred me to a therapist who in turn referred me for CBT.
I feel I have gotten myself in to a mess:
My therapist was due to leave towards the end of my course, she was pleased with the progress I had made, I went from being constantly anxious through 2009 to where I am now, just anxious of certain situations and events rather than everything.
She asked me would I like to be referred to someone else or just to leave it there, I wasn't sure which to pick (after a lot of initial progress in the first 3 or 4 weeks it kind of stalled so it made it hard to decide). If in doubt I thought i'll ask for a referral. Weeks passed and when a month and a half later I got a call I said I'd changed my mind as things had improved for me. The woman seemed ok about this but I got a very formal letter from her manager which I ignored and several days later a phone call which, she rather harshly told me she was going to have to write on my record I'd not bothered finishing my course of CBT.
After about a year I decided not to continue with my propranolol, I didn't tell the doctors I'd decided not to take it any more, I just stopped asking for the repeat prescription. (I finished with it as most day to day situations I was fine and on the situations I wasn't it didn't seem to help as I was in such a state).

What I really want/think I need is a medication that I can just take on a very infrequent basis, once a month or so to over come the situations that fill me with dread and that I never get used to, I wouldn't want to be taking pills on the majority of days when I don't need them.

Because of the whole situation, my tarnished record, the fact that I'd have to explain all this stuff to some one official who may not even appreciate any of it I've gotten stuck. I feel I'll be told off again, looked down on and worst of all not given any medication. I don't know whether it is because I'm reasonably young but I've known plenty of people who're middle aged and up who just seem to get issued meds for their very mild anxiety and depression without any problem, or have one thing they're not looking forward to and the doctor happily whips out the vallium for them but I feel like I'd be denied anything but most tame stuff!

I'm not really sure what my question is, I guess it would be if I did brave going is there a medication I could just take occasionally, and do you think I'd be likely to even get it? Id be very worried about directly asking for a medication for fear of sounding like some one desperate for mind altering recreational drugs.

I think, perhaps, that they have treated you a little harshly to be honest.

I would definitely go back to my GP, they're not going to refuse you help because of your track record, that is going to make no difference, you have a problem, which you are willing to undergo treatment for, and that is all that matters :)

If you don't fancy seeing another CBT therapist, why not have a go at doing a course online? This is what I'm doing and I've found it more helpful than seeing a therapist, but that's just me, and we're all different :)

As for medication that you can take just when needed, well that would be something that you'd have to discuss with a doctor, there are things, such as diazepam, but doctors are usually reluctant to prescribe them as they are addictive. Some anti-psychotics are helpful with anxiety in the low doses but they would normally have to be taken on a regular basis, I don't know if you can use them as and when.

Do go back and see your doctor, or see a different doctor if you wish and discuss all these things and see what they can offer you :)

Thanks Auntie M. that's really reassuring :)

If you're very lucky, you may get diazepam, but you would probably be expected to take it no more than once every 2 weeks. These kind of meds work really well, but because a lot of people became addicted to benzos in the past, doctors don't prescribe them unless really necessary.

There are some herbal alternatives however. Passionflower extract is supposedly as good as oxazepam (a benzo). Valerian works well for some as well, as does chamomile, though the effect is quite mild compared to pharmaceutical meds. Try a couple of valerian/passiflora capsules washed down with strong, honey-sweetened chamomile tea - you may find it takes the edge off things.

I might give those a try first of all, I get in such a state I don't know how well something natural would work but it'd be amazing if it did!

I wouldn't write off natural products - some people find them highly effective, whereas other find they do nothing. But that's the same as prescription medications in many instances.

I would try a mug of chamomile first - sweetened with sugar. Use two bags per mug, and leave for 5 minutes and squeeze with a spoon to get all the oils out. Add a spoon of sugar and you're done. It may just take the edge off things. And its cheap - you can get a box of 20 for 80p in tesco.