its there...but trying to move on

Hi all

Its been a very long time since I been here. Life has been good, I felt good, to some level, but I was able to enjoy myself. But its still there, you feel it, you have to learn to live with it.

Three years ago I became a dad, best thing ever happened to me. This meant also new worries, that initially were, I believe, normal. But as time passed these worries became a mental movie that always ended in tragedy. I always try to keep myself and my mind busy, but sometimes I feel awful. My main fear and thought that keeps popping every now and than, is that I might die and leave my son fatherless in a young tender age. Even if we re playing or doing something he likes, these thought won t let me be at peace. I always fight these thoughts, example I commute to work by bicycle, in a quite busy morning roads, and sometimes this thought creeps in, like what if this is the last time I m seeing my son etc... Intrusive thoughts... all part of the package...but I fight and keep going...

I m not on any meds, but sometimes its too much. luckily these day are few and not frequent. I am very positive person, but sometimes I feel like want to stay at home in my comfort zone. I sometimes try to talk with my wife but she always rely , its stress... you worry too much...

anyway, I took it off my stomach, feel a wee bit better knowing people here understand the feeling

have a nice day

hugs
David