Obsessive "bad me" thoughts while weaning off med
Hello,
I'm have a terrible struggle with obsessive negative thoughts about myself while weaning off anxiety medication. I was given Neurontin, a seizure medication, to treat my anxiety and have been weaning off very slowly for about 8 months. I am down to 300 mg a day, a tiny dose for this medication and really struggling with overwhelming negative thoughts.
I will seize on a situation. Here is the latest example: I noticed some significant wear on one of my son's front teeth. He has been a grinder on and off for some time. By the time I noticed the damage - it was significant. I beat myself mercilessly for not seeing it sooner. Yesterday we went to the dentist and the dentist said nothing can be done until all of my son's permanent teeth are in (a few years from now) and then he will have a bite guard for nighttime.
I know this is totally irrational, but I was in such a state thinking the dentist would say to me "what kind of mother are you," "how could you not have noticed," "if only you'd come in sooner."
Of course that did not happen. The dentist reiterated that there are no dental options for grinding at my son's age. He heard and discussed my concerns. He said the tooth can be repaired when my son is older if he is concerned about appearance.
I felt an enormous relief that I hadn't made any bad decisions re my son's dental health but just a few hours later I started obsessing about how I don't keep up on developing film from pictures we've taken. I am years behind.
The context of all this is that I am a single mom who has been dealing with significant hardships for the past six years. On a rational level, I know my priorities are in the right place - spending time with son, helping him with his emotional wellbeing, taking care of home and finances, continuosly working on home routines to be more efficient and less stressed.
But the rational though does not seem to alleviate the endless cycling of the negative "bad me" though. I am using CBT techniques but it seems that the step down of the medication has really exacerbated these obsessive thoughts.
Once I get completely off the med, I plan to return to herbal and natural remedies which were much more effective for me and have no side effects. I believe I will get some relief then, but I must go so slowly with my weaning process because my nervous system is so senstive that each tiny step-down hits me like a hammer. It could be months by the time I am fully off, and I am being cautious about taking natural remedies while still on the med. I am taking L-theanine out of desperation and l-tryptophan because my depression has been worse, too. I feel relatively safe taking these but am not getting tremendous relief.
Have others experienced an exacerbation of repetitive, negative thoughts such as this while weaning off meds?
Any suggestions?
