So anxious about bum symptoms

I have been trying to calm myself down the last few weeks but am still in a spiral about my symptoms. I know I am my own worst enemy. I've had symptoms of a chronic anal fissure for a few years and finally decided to pay to see a private consultant as it wasn't healing. He wasn't able to examine me as apparently there was a lot of spasm. He did see a fleshy skin tag which I've had for years and which the GP had previously said was a sentinel pile from the fissure. He said I should have it removed as it doesn't look like a sentinel pile. This completely freaked me out, but I was also worried about the fact that he couldn’t examine me and am convinced there is something much more serious than a fissure going on due to the pain, bleeding, and feeling of pressure I have. He gave me Rectogesic ointment to use for 8 weeks and to return then

I then went into a complete spiral, not sleeping, not able to eat, my IBS symptoms much worse etc. I’ve managed to calm myself down and am sleeping better (though only after getting a short course of sleeping pills from an emergency GP appointment).

I went to see the consultant again last week as I was so worried. He looked surprised to see me but patiently listened to my concerns and has now booked me in for an examination under anaesthetic next week and to get the skin tag removed. I’m now worried about having the examination and what it will find, recovering from the skin tag removal surgery which is supposed to be really painful, and then having the skin tag biopsied and the results of that. I’ve convinced myself I’ve got either rectal or anal cancer, especially as I had treatment for high grade abnormal cervical cells in 2007 and so I know I have had changes caused by HPV before and anal cancer is mostly caused by HPV

He did tell me to try to relax and that the skin tag didn’t have the appearance of anal cancer. But he is obviously concerned about it otherwise he wouldn’t have said it needed to be removed.

I’ve just had the letter he wrote up after my first visit and it says ‘I have said that it would be sensible to consider having the tag excised at some point just for histological examination’ which I admit doesn’t sound like it’s a red flag, but I’ve stupidly read a load of posts on the Macmillan anal cancer forum and there are other people who had what they thought were skin tags which turned out to be more sinister. Plus other symptoms which match fissure symptoms

Because of my HA I just can’t see this clearly anymore. I’m still using the Rectogesic but not really sure it’s helping much. He did say it can take several weeks for there to be an improvement of fissure symptoms
If anyone can talk me down I’d be really grateful