Felt like I didnt WANT to swallow, now it feels like I CANT swallow

Hi all,

I wanted to run an issue by you, and I wasnt sure which forum to put this in, but as I have had problems with health anxiety before I thought this one would be best as it may be a variation on a theme...

I am a 26 y/o female. When I was 19 I had serious serious panic attacks, to the point where I couldnt leave the house. Luckily I was at University not work, so I simply stayed in my room and worked on my assignments and did well. I was generally scared of everything, literally everything, and I was worried that no matter what I did (getting onto a train, getting into a lift, being somewhere I didnt know) would kill me. This episode was caused by my closest "friends" turning on me and making my life a misery.

When I was 23 I suffered again from a much more minor bout of anxiety. This time I focused on eating/chewing - I was so scared of choking that I chewed my food to mush and my jaw was constantly aching. I eventually build up to more normal foods and could eat normal meals, there was some foods ie beef, pork, which I still to this day havent touched. I believe this was triggered by my mother having an affair behind my dad's back, who had just been diagnosed with a lifechanging illness.

Since then I have built up my life, I had friends, a partner, interests and a wellpaid job. The job was slowing down a bit so I moved to another partner agency, away from my family and friends, to a more highly paid job.

I hate this job with a fiery passion. I hate being away from a nice life I built up for myself, and I think I have made a terrible mistake. I envisioned building up a new life for myself, mainly through new work colleagues as I was very close to my old workmates, but in the new job it is the culture not to socialise with those you work with.

About a week ago I was eating and suddenly felt as if I couldnt swallow. It felt as if my throat had frozen or stopped working. Since then I am finding it more and more difficult to swallow. I no longer eat solid foods. My partner bought a blender for me and I am currently living off of vegetable and fruit smoothies, but I am starting to struggle with the feeling of constant hunger and the feeling that this will never go away.

I want to get help, but I work in a field where mental health issues are a no no. I am looking for other work but I am scared I wont be well enough to leave my job and take on another. I am struggling to keep my head above water - I was hoping to take private therapy and carry on with work as normal but I am finding it more and more difficult to function. I dont want to call in sick at work as it will go on my record when looking for future jobs.

I do have GERD but this is not that advanced and I dont feel it would have caused damage or stopped me from swallowing.

I would realy appreciate advice on where to go from here and what to do, as if I dont eat I can see it getting me into serious trouble :(