I'm 16, Pure O or Am I really a pedophile?

Hi, I'm 16 year old Male.

For about a month or two now I have been having sick thoughts about girls younger than me, sometimes as young as babys. I think horrible things, that make me disgusted at my self and the very fact that my brain in capable of such thought.

I read some things online about not attaching anxiety to such thoughts which I know is the way to get rid of them. Sometimes on a good day I manage to do this and blow the bad thoughts away. But on a bad day they consume everything I do and even having a little kid walk past triggers off a whole world a worry and bad feelings and imagery. On bad days I worry that if I don't worry about the bad thoughts that then that makes me a Pedophile. I acctually worry weather I'm worrying enough.

Sometimes I think I try to test myself, looking at a kid asking myself if I'm attracted sexually to the kid. I feel certian that I'm not but there is always that "if" constantly asking whether I am.

Please help, I am still attracted to girls my age and I have a do get with girls at partys that are my age, I just want to be normal and worry about things that other normal teenagers worry about.

I am generally socially quite an anxious person all though i have friends and get on with pretty much everyone I find my self thinking over and over some off hand comment that someone has said about me and probably didn't think twice about, but I really over think it. Or if someone doesn't text me back for ages I'm convinced that there annoyed at me or something.

The fact that you find these thoughts uncomfortable suggests pure O.

If you were attracted to children you would not need to test yourself, you would know, the same way people just know if they are attracted to men or women.
That's the hallmark sign of pure O is testing one self, and being afraid that the thoughts are true.

It's a bit like how you can stand on the edge of a cliff and you get that strange urge to jump! It's actually rather common.

So no you're not a pedo, you just have an anxiety disorder.
Are you getting any therapy?

This sounds like the sexual side of intrusive thoughts. Fighting them makes it worse. If you practice mindfullness is works. Also saying a mantra in your head works too. By saying something like "i'm just being silly, these thoughts mean nothing, they'll go away soon" it convinces your mind that it's just a thought. Not all thoughts mean something. I get them too but mine are violent. The other day i was obsessing over thinking about killing my dog....I love my dog to bits and I know i would never hurt him! They're sucky thoughts but they go away in time xx

Thank you so much, I can't describe the relief i felt when I saw that someone had replied :)

Anxious_girl, I am not having therapy, is it something that you'd recommend or have experienced yourself?

Littlehelper123, thanks for the comment. The mantra thing is a good idea, and most of the time I think I can put of the thoughts by saying something like "just sily stupid thoughts". Its when I feeling really low there seems to be no way out of the horrible thoughts. Also what do you mean by mindfulness?

I have had OCD for 6 years now and there are plenty of tips out there, however any good psychologist will tell you to understand, review and encourage. That is the only way you will get rid of the thoughts. I have a very good understanding of pure O and intrusive sexual thoughts, I even spent many sessions discussing it with my psychologist.

DO NOT DO THIS WITHOUT SEEING A PSYCHIATRIST AND/OR PSYCHOLOGIST
The only way to move past the thoughts is to basically accept them. What you are currently doing is telling yourself you are not a horrible person but then there is a little bit of doubt in your mind. The OCD is based on doubt and fear. It will calm you down for a bit but the thoughts will continue. When they pop into your head tell yourself you like them, by doing that you are not giving the fear any power and the thoughts will pop in to your head less and less. Obviously this is very very hard to do which is why you must do it correctly with a psychologist but I thought you might want to know the kind of approach they might take. It's called CBT and is a method to help you to understand and "expose" yourself to the thoughts, by taking away the fear of them you are taking away the power of the OCD (PS: Stay WELL AWAY from anything other than your local CMHT for therapy, the rest are crap).

edit: I would like to add that I have managed to beat that type of OCD, unfortunately I still have other themes which are harder to shift.

As I am 16, is it possible for me to get therapy without my parents knowing? Also is this kind of thing covered by the NHS or is it done privately?
Thanks.

It can be covered by the NHS, so I would ask your doctor, or check out the NHS website they should have a list of mental health services they provide.

I think You have to say it to your parents because it's their right to know everything that is happening to you since you're still underage and for you to have moral support from them too. They will give you advice and strength to face your situation.:)

I've got pure O and I've been thru the exact same thing. Its awful and that's the most polite thing I can say about it.

It drove me to finally get treatment (I was in my 30s when this happened) and the therapist suggested whenever I had any kind of intrusive thought to imagine a stop sign and scream (in my mind) STOP.

It worked.

But, they told me, pure O is the most difficult to type of OCD to treat and I'd need medication (Prozac) to allow me to interrupt the thoughts enough so I could use coping strategies like the one I described.

I declined and in a year I was obsessing even worse about something else. At that point I would have done anything for relief. I started taking Prozac and having regular sessions with a psychiatrist to monitor how I was doing and it made so big a difference that I wish I done it 10 years earlier.

FWIW, I don't think you are a pedophile. Pedophiles don't worry about engaging in that kind of behavior, they just go and do it. That's NOT what you're doing.

This is all very reassuring, thank you very much.

Not sure I could ever admit to my parents something like this.