Advice For A First Time Member...

Hi There,

I have been agrophobic now for 13 years i am 39 and my problem is fear of fear i get so scared of getting a panic attack im forever thinking about it and most of the time that brings it on i cant stand the horrible feelings i get. I was coping fine with this and begining to forget about it alot and getting on with my life even though i could not go to work but i got married last year to my boyfriend of 12 years and this year in Jan he suffered a stroke he is only 38 and back they came again the worst is of a night and during the day i am finding it hard to go out as i used to rely on him and now he is relying on me so its very hard like most people on here i dread the nighttime and i too sit there sometimes waiting for daylight to come its awful as i used to be able to talk to my husband but now he has lost his speech through the stroke so you can imagine how that feels.
I am on medication but would rather not be i have been on them for years and was coming off when this happened to my husband and now the doctor has put the dosage back up again i feel like i am going back to square one and its a dreadful feeling.

Any advice will be more than welcome.

Thanks Barbara.

Hi Barbara,
I know what it's like to ' wait for daylight'..... maybe having books/ a radio/ personal cd player nearby to occupy your mind might help. Or as so many people here suggest- a glass of water handy to sip.

As far as your husband's stroke- I'm so sorry. It must be hard for both of you to adjust. My mum's best friend had a stroke aged about 35. She had a 3 year old little boy- and a much older husband ( about 49). She lost complete use of half her body....and also lost speech/ co-ordination. Now, she has almost fully recovered. She has a *slight* speech flaw. Nothing noticeable. It took quite a while to re-train the body, but being under 40 there should be vast improvements with time. Keep us posted about how you're coping- and I wish your husband speedy progress.
love Joanne xx

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost.

Sorry to hear about your problems. I know that it must be really hard for you as most sufferers rely on a partner to help them and obviously your partner is unable to do this. I suggest that you take strength from him and his situation and realise that we can get better and can be cured but he can't. I know this may sound harsh but I am trying to make you realise how much we have to be greatful for and that WE can get better.

Believe me you can overcome this - it takes every bit of strength and energy you have and you must never give in. You need to concentrate on him to give him the strength to cope with his life too. I don't say this flippantly but I think that by helping him you could actually help yourself.

I wish you well
Nic
x

Thank You both so much for your kind words and support it means alot and thanks for telling me about the woman that had the stroke it made me feel much better.


Barbara.xxx

Hi barbara

This stroke your husband suffered and everything associated with that is a realistic problem. your agorophobia is not.

I have suffered from the same crap as you for about a year and half and this distinction between realism and non realism is important. i have come to realize that agorophia is not at all rational. through cognitive behavioral therapy i have been able to diminish my fears tremndously, i have suffered fear of fear bigtime. the "what ifs" were absolutely the worst, but inorder to overcome this you must turn them into "so whats."

So what if i have a panic attack, i will survive and it isnt anything that i havent dealt with before and the duration is never all that long, i'll make it and i am not really all that afraid, i am not new to this, etc.

I strongly agree with that person who suggested that helping your partner will in turn help you. Cause see now you are facing a "real" problem and you will come to know the difference and in comparison what you are suffering is passing and very minor.

I would not suggest that the medication is a symptom of failure for you. take it if you need it and it helps, medication is there for you. i was initially afraid to admit that i was on meds (stupid) but now that i see the whole thing from a birds eye view i realize that the meds dont cure you, just like therapy meds put you in a position to cure yourself.

We with these psychological problems are all like a new freud in and of ourself, we are challenged to then answer this by working out our own problems, with help but we do this through our own efforts and will to live. The medication is a stepping stone and there for you to eventaully and gradually put you in a position to cure your problem, do not be ashamed of it.

I do not know what its like to go through what you are with your husband but i can imagine that its terrible that, after you relied on him so long to keep you in check now he is suffering from an ailment. Also i think that this will pass as your husband gets better, sort of a mutual healing process.

Think about this logically (this is the cognitve behavioral therapy kicking in) you were doing damn good compared to when you first started getting symptoms. then your husband got sick and out of overwhelming concern and having a hard time watching a loved one suffer you slipped up a little bit. i am assuming that the second trip around this will seem repetitious and much easier to deal with, youve already been there and will not be caught off gard and you know EXACTLY what your problem is.

I am almost guaranteeing that when you husband gets past this then your situation will either go back to where you were right before the stroke and will progress from that point or in your problem will disappear entirely.

Be tough and believe in love, i havent quite lived it yet the same way that you have but i think it can be the answer, you will surely grow from this spiritually, dont be afraid of what this means, bruce.

I am here as a result of my continuing efforts to lead an anxiety free life