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I can handle most of the things anxiety/depression brings. But every so often I get a feeling that’s deeper, I’m not sure if it’s more depression than anxiety, maybe the anxiety is just because of how scared I am of it. It’s super dark and horrible and I cannot shake it, the best way to describe it is like when you would get that overwhelming homesickness as a child when you’d be away from your family or whatever, but the scary part is that I’m already at home around my family, but the feeling looms over me and it’s not like the rest of the symptoms I get with my mental health issues, I can’t handle this one. It’s attached to every thought I have, it even makes happy memories not seem happy anymore, like my whole life has, and is darkness, my house doesn’t seem like my house, it feels like I’ve never been there before, everything familiar becomes unfamiliar and feels like I’ve run out of happiness forever and my life is over. I’m a very homesick type of person anyway, I don’t like to be more than a few miles from my house, and that dark feeling often comes while I’m away and will go when I get back, but like I said, when it’s with me constantly even in my comfort zone, it’s terrifying. I’m not a suicidal person, but when I’ve got that feeling, I really don’t think I could go on living if it persisted day in, day out without letting me have a little bit of light. I’ve had it the past few days and urghhh, so awful. So really hoping someone can relate. Thanks everyone, love you all and happy to be in this fight alongside you!
I experience this, but there is a history of abuse with me. My happy moments are almost always marred by darkness. It's like my brain doesn't want me to feel happy?