Falling apart... Is this "Social Anxiety"? / "Performance Anxiety"?

Hi all,

Would be really grateful for thoughts and advice please if you can...

I am no stranger to the anxiety game, having had a bit of a "breakdown" (GAD-related) back in early 2005, helped by therapy and 40mg of Citalopram. Due to the fact that this illness caused the end of my marriage in 2007, I've had a pretty stressful time over the past 5 years rebuilding my life.
One of the things I've done is build a successful career, in the city where I relocated to in 2007. I now have a senior, pivotal role in this company, and lead a big team, and it can be very stressful. But I am proud that I have achieved what I have achieved.
I am also in a great relationship now with a wonderful lady, and she and I are about to buy a beautiful house together (signing contracts in the next couple of weeks).
The past 6-12 months have been pretty stressful, with lots new responsibility at work, my partner's mother in law committing suicide, her own work stress, illness problems, living together in a tiny flat that is too small for both of us, and spending the past 3 months working on buying a house.

All this has added up to a particularly acute period of anxiety. It hit me like a ton of bricks just over a week ago, when required to give a very quick update on what my department was doing in our monthly company meeting, I felt this massive wave of panic and horrible physical symptoms, shaking, choking. The entire company saw me basically fall apart and I was only able to get a few unintelligible words out of my mouth.
This has been building for about a year. I have felt my anxiety rise in meetings, where I am required to speak, especially high level meetings. I have been able to keep a lid on it, and get out the things I need to say. I am respected as a senior member of the company but underneath, what people don't know is that I have developed a terror of speaking in work situations.
This is clearly not something I can carry in this role. It is preventing me from doing my job properly, and it must be resolved. It has started an association in my mind now I think... the humiliation of what happened has led to very acute general anxiety, and a terror of any meeting or anything where I am required to speak.

I am looking into all sorts of things, medication (been prescribed Sertraline by my GP), CBT, hynotherapy, NLP being just a few. The problem is, a lot of it is very expensive, and as a feel at the moment, the thing I fear most is losing my job (especially at the precise moment that I am taking on a mortgage...)

Can anyone relate to my story? Any words of comfort? Do you think this is "Social" as they call it? Or "Performance Anxiety" or just the result of being overloaded for too long? Am I having a breakdown? Am I doing this to myself... it seems strange that it happens right at the point that we are about to commit to a mortgage... its like my absolute worst nightmares are coming true.

What things have people tried that they have found helpful?

Thanks for any words you can offer,

Gareth

Going through divorce causes a huge amount of stress .
Honestly it does actually affect you physically too.
Your mind and body go through so many changes and it can take a while for you to feel even close to normal.
Wow well done for doing all on despite every thing.
When things got bad for me last year , there's no way in hell I could have managed to work .
I'm sorry it's stressful for you :(
Also moving house in its self it high up there on the stress list.
Now your buying a house?
Wow honestly you're doing some of life's most stressful things in a shot period of time.
You need to be careful of burning yourself out.
I'm sorry about your mother in law :(
Listen to your body , your anxiety is telling you , you need to slow down .
Maybe you past still haunts you or you are worrying too much about the future .

Learn to meditate , read a book or buy some CDs.
It's hard work learning to relax and turn off your thoughts .
But once you manage to do it , you will be filled with a wonderful sensation of peace.
You don't know what relaxed is until you meditate .
Once you get the hang off it , you can do it any where:)

I'll be honest you need therapy .
You are heading towards a break down .
I don't mean to scare you.
A break down can come in many forms .
For me it was pure unrelenting anxiety for days on end.
I stopped sleeping n eating and all I could feel was fear :(

I think once you're settled into your new house , you should take a break .
But unless you learn to turn off your mind n your anxious thoughts it won't be much good.

---------- Post added at 14:54 ---------- Previous post was at 14:50 ----------

I get feeling you worry a lot .
About family , work , deadlines , money etc . .
You're the man of the house , you feel responsible for everything .
But your health comes first , you really need someone to talk to , someone to help guide you , someone you can just rant about your day to.
CBT would be good in helping you manage your thoughts and life better.

I know it costs money but maybe you could see if there's any free therapy ?
Or if your insurance could cover it ?

It might help to write down everything you're worried about.
N see if it's really worth worrying over .

---------- Post added at 15:01 ---------- Previous post was at 14:54 ----------

I do get the humiliation of having a panic attack infront of people .
The looks they give you etc . .
But it's easy to brush off as maybe dehydration or your blood sugar dropped.
I hide my anxiety from most people , might not be the best approach .
But I'm a master of excuses :p
My close friends and family do know , so it's good to have someone to talk to.

Health: drink water! Dehydration can cause anxiety.
Coffee and alcohol can cause anxiety too.
The B vitamins will help your nerves , calcium and magnesium can help calm you down too .
Omega 3 helps your brain and seems to help anxiety and depression too.

Antidepressants may or may not help. They are more for short term use.
Takes about 3 weeks to kick in , if you don't get side effects they can really help you through a rough patch :)

Seditives , highly additive . More for use now and again or maybe every day for a week if you're really really bad.
The make you sleepy and calm but don't get rid of the anxious thoughts but your too doped to care :)
They can make you feel slightly happy but I find when I come down off them my anxiety goes up.

I can relate to this in regards to the social anxiety and trying to cope with it in a work environment, 4 months ago I had a bad attack of anxiety which shook me up. Thats when I went back to my GP and I knew that if I didn't then I was going to get a lot worse.

I was put of Citalopram and also have had CBT (which helped quite a lot), and I did carry on working, however its not a stressful job and not around many people.

If I were you I would look to adrress these issues now rather than trying to get by as you sound like you have been doing for a while. The warning signs are there so listen to them and do something about it now.

Hi Gareth
I can certainly relate to your story. I am 35 and have suffered with anxiety (particularly social anxiety) since my late teens, early twenties. Over the years I have taken several different types of medication (Clomipramine, Prozac.. to name but a few). In 2006 I was prescribed Citalopram, starting on 20mg then increasing to 30mg and in June last year it was increased to 40mg). I find it very difficult to tell if the Citalopram is helping me or not. My Anxiety has been particularly acute recently and Sunday I had a panic attack which I haven’t had for a long time – I’m wondering if this should really be happening if I take medication to control it. Maybe I’m immune to it now. Like you my GP has suggested I try Sertraline. I’m really reluctant to try something new and I am scared of the initial side effects but what we have to remember (and like my GP pointed out) most medication in the SSRI group have similar side effects so if we got past that initial stage when first taking Citalopram we can do the same with one of the other antidepressants (i.e. Sertraline). I’d be interested to know if you do start taking it

Also like you I have struggled in the workplace before and have had to leave a couple of jobs in the past as a result. I’m sure it won’t come to you loosing your job, it sounds like it may be a rough patch you’re going through due to all the stressful events going on in your life. You may find it’ll pass over for you. Something you may find useful is a Social Anxiety self-help guide you can print which is available at www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk. Also I find exercise (which I’m guilty of not doing often enough!) helps me at times with my anxiety levels.

Hope this has been of some help
Karen