self harm help please :(

Hello people

I'm soooo up and down at the minute. I'm either ontop of the world or don't even feel like I have the energy to get up. I'm always so exhausted no matter how many hours I sleep. It doesn't help that my anxiety is worse and I can rarely get out.

The only way I can get rid of this depression is to self harm which I hate because it upsets my boyfriend as he worrys so much and cares about me. But I get so angry and frustrated I just don't know what to do when I get to that point.

What makes it worse is that I don't want to stop self harming. I've done it for so many years its always been their when I'm too stressed and I genuinly feel it helps me. But my boyfriend nags me saying I shouldn't self harm and I need too find another way.

But on the other hand I like going the gym and college and I hate having to either cover up or take my jacket off and deal with the awkward staring and whispering.


I suppose I'm just confused and just not sure what to do. So I was wondering if anyone is dealing with anything similar or has any advice for me.....please???? X

You need to learn how to cope and deal with your emotions.
Have you had any therapy?

The self harm may make you feel better in the short term but it's not really helping you, it's dangerous, you are hurting yourself physically to combat the emtional pain.
He's right you need to replace the self harm with something's that's healthy.

Self harm can become an addiction.

Try writing down your feelings when you get the urge to self harm.
Do something instead. Paint, tear up newspaper, work out, take a shower, call a friend.

But in order to stop you are going to have to want to.

You say the only way to feel better is self harm, but how true is that?
Sure you may feel better for a while, but it doesn't address your problems nor cures the depression.

I'm sure there's lots of things you can do when angry!
Punch pillows, throw eggs into the bath tub, do some push ups, play loud music, scream, talk to someone . . . Physical things can help drain that negitive energy.

Remember that anger does eventually pass :)

I don't self harm so I can't really help.
Maybe see a therpist or even read up on how to stop self harming.
I'm sure you can find something more helpful than hurting yourself x

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are up and down so much. I sure do relate to feeling so exhausted no matter how many hours you sleep. You are right about rarely getting out so if you were able to get a little bit of fresh air every day - just a short stroll & a simple change of scenery - this would be helpful immediately. Harming yourself, though giving temporary relief, is NOT the answer. Remind yourself that you are a worthwhile person. I can relate to you not wanting to stop self harming but there are alternatives.
I have been in a similar situation & remember how upset my partner was when she found out. At the time she worried alot & I knew she cared about me (& still does). I didnt like upsetting her. For a very short while the pain relieved my anger & frustration but it soon returned. It was a signal that something had to change (so it is for you). At the time I was already doing CBT so I kept at it & with my therapists's help, things eased.
I made a promise to my partner I would not do it again. Years down the line, yes I have been tempted & have nearly done it but I have stuck to my promise. The skills I learned in CBT were invaluable to me stopping & changing. They have changed my life forever & could change yours. You have recognised your confusion and you do need to seek help to unpick the issues behind your self-harm. Especially as it has been persistent over the years. I dont know if you have spoken with your doctor at all but I wonder if you have thought about CBT. With the help of a therapist, you learn skills which enable you to make choices & empower yourself to deal with this differently. To deal with the intensity of your feelings on a more permanent level. I am sure CBT would be very beneficial & strongly recommend it. AnxiousGal's advice below is very sound indeed. All of it.
Finding alternative ways of dealing with anger are important. I found myself very angry recently. I am now used to removing myself from the anger situation & dealing with it. I listen to my anger. I deliberately took myself somewhere safe & smashed up some old tree branches. At the time I did it, I was also dealing with some very painful and overwhelming memories from my past. I did think that if anyone saw me, they'd think I was odd but you know, it relieved the anger. Really it did. Far better than taking it out on me. But it is also right that anger does eventually pass & it has for me, passed more quickly since doing CBT.

I am 18 now and I have had councelling since I was 12 I have done cbt and so many things. But nothing seems to help. I have just self harmed for so many years so its become my nature. I understand what you're both saying to help me. But I feel so exhausted and constantly depressed and angyr so its hard trying to stay positive and make a change. I just feel so lonely all the time. I struggle to find a reason to live

Hi R.Barrat,

I won't go into great details and bore you with my experience of self harm. I'm 27 now and first self harmed when I was 17. I know how much of a viscious cycle it can be in that you do it to when those emotions are so strong it can be your only release, then you feel guilty and ashamed afterwards when you see the damage you've done to your body, but then they can trigger you to do it again. The feelings you get from self harming release hormones in your body that make you feel 'better' in the short term, and this can then become very addictive, and probably why you have used it for so many years. I'm not judging you, I just understand how consuming it can be. There is nothing wrong with that though, it's your way of expressing emotions and coping, but in the long term it is more damaging, physically and emotionally. There are techniques that you can use to try and prevent yourself from self harming, I'll list a few below, please try them. I do recommend you speak to your GP, who may suggest some medication for the way you are feeling, they may also offer you some more therapy. Do you have any any other support, in terms of friends/family or health professionals?

Here is the list, you may have tried them already or have heard of them. I hope you are able to use some of them. I do understand that they don't always work, but sometimes they do, so please give them a try.

TRIGGERING

-Using a red biro, mark on your body where you wish to harm yourself
-Have an elastic band on your wrist and snap it whenever you get the 'urge'
-Hold ice in your hands
-Be creative, make something
-Do something soothing, relax, take a bath, light candles
-Have a warm drink, hot chocolate, horlicks
-Listen to relaxing or happy non triggering music
-Watch a film
-Watch comedy
-Go for a walk, take the dog out
-Go shopping
-Ring someone - a family member, friend, helpline
-Write a diary or blog
-Exercise
-Use a punch bag or line up cushions and punch or kick them
-Have a good cry
-Decorate
-Do some cleaning
-Do some gardening
-Do a good deed for someone or something, help a friend, volunteer
-Play online games
-Read a book/magazine
-Do a puzzle book

I was given a list of organisations and helplines from a member on here, I don't think she'll mind me copying her list, here it is below. I found that some of them are aimed at people of your age group so was not able to use the helplines, but still found useful information on their websites. Hopefully you might find some use in them.

Selfharm.co.uk
www.selfharm.co.uk

We provide support and services both for young people impacted by self-harm, and for parents, professionals and others. We create a space where people impacted by self-harm can feel supported and we believe we're taking a big step forward with the services this site offers, enabling young people to find the help they need. Our expert panel is made up of professionals who have working knowledge of self-harm, and who kindly volunteer their time to oversee the website and participate in answering individual user questions. We also stand out because you can view biographies of all the people involved behind the scenes - we're putting names and faces to who we are what we want to achieve.

National Self-Harm Network
Helpline: 0800 622 6000
www.nshn.co.uk

Support for survivors and people who self-harm, as well as the people it indirectly affects, like family and friends. As well as supporting the individual NSHN aims to raise awareness of self harm, underlying causes, triggers and the many ways to offer support. We provide training to professional organisations, schools, universities, charities, user groups etc.

Bristol Crisis Service for Women
Helpline: 0117 925 1119
www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk

Charity supporting women in emotional distress, particularly those who self-harm.

Recover Your Life
www.recoveryourlife.com

One of the biggest and best Self Harm Support Communities on the Internet, offers help on a variety of topics surroundingself harm, including self injury, eating disorders, mental health issues, abuse and bullying, as well as drugs and alcohol and first aid.

Harmless
www.harmless.org.uk

Harmless is a user led organisation that provides a range of services about self harm including support, information, training and consultancy to people who self harm, their friends and families and professionals. Harmless was set up by people who understand self harm and at the heart of our service is a real sense of hope. We know that with the right support and help life can get better. We hope that you find this site a safe and helpful resource.

Young Minds
Helpline: 0808 802 5544
www.youngminds.org.uk

National charity committed to improving the mental health of all children and young people, their Parents Information Service provides information and advice for any adult with concerns about a child or young person.

Get Connected
Helpline: 0808 808 4994
www.getconnected.org.uk

Free confidential telephone and e-mail helpline directly connecting young people to services that can offer help and support, whatever the problem. Volunteers are trained specifically in speaking to young people.

The Site.org
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwell...ealth/selfharm

TheSite.org is the first place young people should check for advice, information and support on sex, relationships, drugs, drink, health and wellbeing.

Samaritans
Helpline: 08457 90 90 90
www.samaritans.org.uk

24-hour emergency helpline

Good luck and feel free to PM on here if you want to chat

Take care

Rebecca

Thank you very much speckle69uk :)
I found that message very comforting as you seem to really care and understand how horrible the situation I'm in right now is. A big part of it is I have no family or friends therefore I am very lonely and don't get much if any support. I struggle to find a reason not to self harm. As I don't care aout myself and I know that no one else does. I will have a look on those sites to see if they can help me in some way. I just want to feel happy and have some enegery and just enjoy life. Fingers crossed xxx

---------- Post added at 20:06 ---------- Previous post was at 19:52 ----------

I'm really struggling today and just at the minute I feel really depressed and I can't find a reason to carry on. I'm not sure what to do or who to talk to. I just know I hate feeling like this

Hi,

You're welcome. I do understand you feeling alone. In terms of family, I only have my dad, and I don't talk to him or see him much anyway, plus he wouldn't understand me. I did lose a lot of friends by avoiding situations and pushing them away, but have since managed to gain some new wonderful friends on here. Please know that you are not alone in this. I care, you say your boyfriend cares and I know other people on here do too. In time things will get better.

Take care

Rebecca