I never thought I'd be back in this boat again. What Can I Do?

During the past few months my life has taken a big step backwards when it comes to anxiety. It feels like it's gathering momentum to something really unpleasant.

I moved house last week, to a beautiful new house which is perfect in every way. But since we moved in last Tuesday I've felt really lost.

I feel like I've slipped into some kind of depression, a low mood which seems to be really draining every inch of my being. I've never really classed myself as being depressed before, but I feel that my anxiety taking this backward step has landed me in a lower mood than I've ever felt.

Today I was having a normal anxiety filled day, when all of a sudden my mind began racing beyond anxiety. I knew where I was going to end up and within 10/15 minutes of these racing thoughts, I was right in the middle of a panic attack.

The feeling of dread that comes in bursts during my panic attack is so overwhelming. The questions then start... what if I die now? What if u have to go to hospital? What if, this time it's something serious? Every question fueling the panic even more.

Physically I felt my arms going weaker, I wouldn't say they went numb, but they kind of felt like I wasn't in control of them. My legs turned to jelly, I was able to walk and pace around but it didn't feel like my legs were going to hold out. My heart was racing, I could feel my neck pulsating where the veins were pumping. I started to sweat but felt a cold chill at the same time. My head was feeling like I'd just stood up to quickly over and over. Not a spinning dizziness but a unstable light headed feeling.

I stood in the bathroom and spashed cold water on my face and drank big mouthfuls, swishing some around and spitting it out. Trying to cool my overheating body while my hands were freezing. I'd walk out of the bathroom and stand in my room for moment, wondering if the worst had passed. As soon as the dreaded thoughts came again... BANG. Here we go again. Back in to the bathroom and repeat my water ritual.

I've felt these panic attacks for over 10 years now. The last one as bad as today's was probably about 2 years ago. I had gotten myself to such a great place in my life where I was able to function at probably 70% normality.

It's so frustrating to be back in this situation. I think my low mood is a result of my anxiety rearing it's ugly head.

I don't really know what I'm asking for in regards to comments from you guys. I just feel like I'm so alone at the moment. My wife's tries so hard to understand, but it's impossible to explain.

I'm after some nice words of encouragement I guess, and some reassurance to know that these feelings I'm having are just panic attacks. It's been so long that I forget how they feel. Which means every time I have one, it scares the hell out of me and sends me back to square one.

Sorry for going on, just needed to get this off my chest while it's fresh.

Billy

Hi there, yes it sounds like panic attacks. You've said that you've just moved, so maybe it's your systems response to change? For me personally that happens. It's like it's on a subconscious level. And it's a delayed response, so I'll get it after the event. My advice is to keep doing what you're doing with the water when you have the panic attack if that works for you. Also do belly breathing. And also remember that this is temporary. You'll settle down and it will pass just like it has in the past. I know it sucks while it's happening. Stupid anxiety! I hope that I've helped, even just a little.

Moving home, bereavement and new job. Are said to be the three biggest stressors.
So be kind to yourself right now. If passed before. It will again.
You know its just panic. It won't kill you. It didn't before. You will be fine.
Review, muscle relaxation, deep breathing etc. This will help. X

You have just moved house, your life has changed dramatically, for the better as you explained its a fabulous home. I know talking to others helped me. Just try explaining a little at a time. My anxiety kicks off a lot when my life changes, and it seems yours does too. Your water and breathing seems to work for you so keep it up. Feel better soon, these things are sent to try us

Quote:

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Originally Posted by billywhizz

During the past few months my life has taken a big step backwards when it comes to anxiety. It feels like it's gathering momentum to something really unpleasant.

I moved house last week, to a beautiful new house which is perfect in every way. But since we moved in last Tuesday I've felt really lost.

I feel like I've slipped into some kind of depression, a low mood which seems to be really draining every inch of my being. I've never really classed myself as being depressed before, but I feel that my anxiety taking this backward step has landed me in a lower mood than I've ever felt.

Today I was having a normal anxiety filled day, when all of a sudden my mind began racing beyond anxiety. I knew where I was going to end up and within 10/15 minutes of these racing thoughts, I was right in the middle of a panic attack.

The feeling of dread that comes in bursts during my panic attack is so overwhelming. The questions then start... what if I die now? What if u have to go to hospital? What if, this time it's something serious? Every question fueling the panic even more.

Physically I felt my arms going weaker, I wouldn't say they went numb, but they kind of felt like I wasn't in control of them. My legs turned to jelly, I was able to walk and pace around but it didn't feel like my legs were going to hold out. My heart was racing, I could feel my neck pulsating where the veins were pumping. I started to sweat but felt a cold chill at the same time. My head was feeling like I'd just stood up to quickly over and over. Not a spinning dizziness but a unstable light headed feeling.

I stood in the bathroom and spashed cold water on my face and drank big mouthfuls, swishing some around and spitting it out. Trying to cool my overheating body while my hands were freezing. I'd walk out of the bathroom and stand in my room for moment, wondering if the worst had passed. As soon as the dreaded thoughts came again... BANG. Here we go again. Back in to the bathroom and repeat my water ritual.

I've felt these panic attacks for over 10 years now. The last one as bad as today's was probably about 2 years ago. I had gotten myself to such a great place in my life where I was able to function at probably 70% normality.

It's so frustrating to be back in this situation. I think my low mood is a result of my anxiety rearing it's ugly head.

I don't really know what I'm asking for in regards to comments from you guys. I just feel like I'm so alone at the moment. My wife's tries so hard to understand, but it's impossible to explain.

I'm after some nice words of encouragement I guess, and some reassurance to know that these feelings I'm having are just panic attacks. It's been so long that I forget how they feel. Which means every time I have one, it scares the hell out of me and sends me back to square one.

Sorry for going on, just needed to get this off my chest while it's fresh.

Billy

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Hey Billy

I have about 10 episodes of what you describe. Mine last for about a month - constant panic (my record is 23 panic attacks in one day.... no, not a typo. 23 lol ), anxious, sweaty palms, head feeling like it is encased in concrete, cant concentrate, feeling useless/worthless, small/trivial matters being a massive issue...... you name it, I have had it/got it.

Gradually I would start to come out of it and be fine, like completely back to normal. Then recently it has been more frequent.

The best advice I can give you is to accept that you feel this way. You know this will not kill you right? You need to know that it is ok to feel rubbish. Once you start to accept anxiety ( after all, where has fighting it go you in the past!? ), things will start to improve.

get a book called ' at last a life ' by paul David. What I have just said is basically what he talks about - as well as going into good depth and breaking down exactly what is happening to your body.

It will help you a lot - trust me.

Chris

---------- Post added at 13:44 ---------- Previous post was at 13:41 ----------

I meant to say -

In my opinion/experience, muscle relaxation, deep breathing etc are fine...... however this will not really do anything to stop the actual process.

The only thing that will work is accepting what you have, living your life as you would regardless of how bad you feel and gradually you will start to feel a hell of a lot better..... the pressure will be off to ' feel ok '....

Just my 2 cents!

Good luck!

Hi Billy :)
Firstly, I just wanted to say that just because you're having a blip, it doesn't mean that you will go back to square one with the anxious thoughts. It has passed before, so it will pass again - you've got through it before and you will again. It's probably happened because of the low mood you described, so you can learn from this by knowing that the panic attacks do not come out of the blue but can happen when you're feeling low. Try to take better care of yourself - the '5 steps to well-being' on the NHS and Mind websites give great advice on looking after your mental health. I found that I get anxious when I've been feeling low too.
When you find your mind racing with anxious thoughts (and remember they are just thoughts - not fact - just opinion) then try and distract yourself e.g. go out, read, watch tv, go online, play games, talk to others etc... The anxious thoughts are not right, so you need to challenge them and replace them with true facts. You're not going to die, it's not something serious, it's just the physical sensations from the anxiety. It may feel bad, but it's not going to harm you, it's just uncomfortable.
You're definitely not alone Billy :) I've been where you are and I've got through it, so you will too x

I could of wrote what you just said. We jsut moved as well and since then been creeping in major panic with more attacks then EVER. Your description, sounds just like me. Wish you all the best!

Hi Billy, the exact same thing happened to me a couple of years ago. I'd worked really hard at drowning my anxiety and winning the battle with my head and I was doing so well. Then we moved house and it went crazy for about 3 weeks. I've always put it down to the big change and stress of the move. I don't do well at all with any kind of change and it really made me bad. BUT it didn't last. As soon as I was back into a flow, comfortable in my new surroundings and into a routine it got a lot better again. Give yourself some time, home moves are so stressful you probably just need some time to get used to it all. Best of luck to you I hope they ease off!

Thank you all for the replies.

It's a strange loop I seem to have myself in. Since I posted on here, my anxiety levels seemed to level out, I'm not saying it disappeared, but it certainly eased. I found myself not sitting questioning everything, the "what if" thoughts seemed to stop for a few days.

But Anxiety being anxiety, its started to creep back in again. I can actually recall the moment when I realised that I'd not been having those negative thoughts, and it immediately made me question even that. In turn, my thoughts began to reappear.

Right now I'm back in the cycle, had a bad day yesterday with some strange physical symptoms which seem to just remain in the front of my mind. It's caused me to feel down this morning too.

I can regognise the pattern here, first its the negative thoughts and stress, then the physical symptoms and then the low mood accompanies.

I guess this means that my "depression" (low mood) is really only caused by my anxious episodes. I need to stop letting these worrysome thoughts take over my mind.

Again, thank you for the comments, it certainly helps to know that ohter people can relate to this. It gives me the confidence to know that although I might be stuck in the cycle, there is a way out and there's lots of people who know what its like to live these moments.

Fancy seeing you here Billy :) From what I have read here and other places, I don't think you are back in a bad spot so to speak. I think that you know, as we all do, that this is just your anxiety rearing its head as it does for us time to time. I think this is the worst part of anxiety disorder. We can be going on feeling great so we get used to that and complacent, then things happen and suddenly it is back and it makes us forget sometimes that we know what this is, we have already battled it before and gotten the upper hand.

What I find, though, is that most of the time, these are just blip. It is sort of like riding a bike, eh? It might take a bit for us to get our bearings again, but after that it is usually easier for us to get better quicker.

And change, even good change, is always a precursor to stress and anxiety - even winning the lottery! A new move would certainly cause many "normal" people even to get into a state. It just affects us more usually.

You have the skills, just focus on the fact that you dealt with this previously and this time it should be no different. I trust you will get over this quicker than you think.

Good luck!

Mike