mum of a teenager..feel like a failure

i feel so so sad..i feel like a failure... my son is almost 16 and im really struggling with him, he is not badly behaved but he does not socialise outside of school at all, he does not do any excercise (he is not fat but..) all he wants to do it play video games.. well i have had to treat him like a child and take his console away as an hour a day was getting extended and he didnt want to come off them..i find that when he comes off the games he will go onto a youtube video of someone else playing the game, and it has become quite obbssessive..

well we have come to an arrangement that he can only play at weekends now.. he is doing his gcse's this year and predicted average grades, and im trying to encourage revision but he goes on the defence..

anyway he is 15/almost 16..and up until 2 years ago he had a friend nextdoor that he could socialise with.but he moved away to scotland :(

we dont know anyone else in the area he could socialise with as the school system is rubbish round here and he didnt get a place at the local school so had to go to one 4 miles away where he knew nobody...although he has made a few friends, he doesnt meet up with them outside of school as they live too far away, he is also disorganised and he really lacks social skills,

his speech is muffled, so i took him to a speech therapist. but because it is nhs they wouldnt do anything because "he can talk" so the box is ticked :( but this has really let him down as some people cant understand him :(

he doesnt have much confidence and doesnt go to any clubs or activitys, he said he would do a sport but doesnt want a 'competitive sport'. he doesnt leave the house on his own.. or have any indepededence because i have to drive him to school (as there is no bus route from here-and its too far away to walk)

anyway....when he had a growth spurt at 13 nearly 14, i noticed his back looked a bit curved and his 'chest wall' grew inwards (pectus escavum) which has been worrying me, so he is looking a bit phyically out of shape...he has had physotherapy for about 8/9 months but that service is stopped now and he is expected to practice the back excercises but he hasnt :( i nag him bit he seems to be in a world of his own,, he cant see into the future..like hes not bothered about it

i have been trying to find some sort of excercise for him for months but i cant find anything, we can obviously walk, but everything is expensive and i can afford it, he wanted to do indoor rock climbing but its too expensive.. i dont work due to on going anxiety, my partner works but only brings home an average wage and we are always short :( but i dont know who to talk to !! i feel really lost

anyway this morning he woke up and he said "when i lift my arm, my bone pops out" and it does!! its really weird and im worried now, i rang docs and they said they have no appointments and to ring back tomorrow...im feel so anxious..i have had to take him to school in the snow and im worrled i will be snowed out trying to pick him up later as i have to drive through villages to get to the school..

just fee like a failure, especially when i see other kids his age "getting on" and being confident and chatty. i feeel like its all my fault

Did you get through the snow OK?

You are not a failure, because I don't consider myself a failure and what you wrote could have been about my own son.
He is 16 and like your son he doesn't go out or have a social life. I don't know if he has too many friends in school but outside of school he has none. All he ever wants to do is stay in bed, get up late and play video games. It does worry me a lot too. He doesn't get any exercise either and sometimes my heart is broken when I see other kids his age going out enjoying themselves and he is just stuck in his room all the time. The only thing he has outside of school is guitar lesson, which is only for a half an hour once a week.
But I think if they're happy and safe for now then just leave them be. Because at that age trying to give advice is only seen as nagging. Pretty soon their lives will change, they will leave school and who knows what will happen then.
I just remember my older brother, who never had any friends in school, never went out and in a way was a complete recluse. He's in his 40's now but since college he is a completely different person. He has LOADS of friends, has a great job, social life - everything you would want for your own son.
So don't feel a failure, parenthood is damn difficult and everyone is different.
Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring so just be there for him now and in time you might see little changes, even big ones some day!!

Yes that's me too I have become very much a recluse so know what your son is going through even in my childhood had no one to hang out with, so demoralising and damaging it can be to such a young person :weep: is there any youth clubs near by Or youth charities that he could join? ATB