Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Pulisa, that is just what I thought. Having more time would mean more time for thinking and panicking. x
Buster, some of the conversations I strike up must have the other person thinking I am a bit strange. I sometimes get out of breath, because I don't pause for breath. I can feel my face flushing and then I start fidgeting. :wacko:
So, it will be no surprise to know that I am absolutely exhausted today.
And still had to go in to the main Town today. :(
I really didn't want to go. The weather was miserable. I had to drag my body around, sit at every bench I could find and wished away the time until I came home.
I've had such a week of venturing out, new places, new people, new situations, that today I just wanted to lull around the house.
I was obsessing about my health. I woke with an unexplained rash on my neck and I had a stiff calf and started to think I had a blood clot. :scared15: My legs were heavy, my eyes were streaming from my sinuses, I felt cold all day and my stomach was turning over. I felt tired and grumpy and was pining for my sofa.
My only conclusion is; over doing it.
Was it worth the effort?
Well, of course it was.
The original nagging doubts of can I? Will I? Turned in to; I did and I can do this!
I just have to pace myself better.
So, tomorrow I am having a more laid back day.
Now put me in the garden and I could be there all day. It's as if I belong there.
I don't worry about stretching, bending, carrying heavy things, getting dirty; I love it.
I love to touch the earth's soil and feel the grass under my feet. The petals of the flowers amaze me and so does watching the birds at work. :)
Looking back over the last few days, I think of what got me through all of this.
Chatting obsessively, looking at objects around me and just going for it without thinking that something terrible is going to happen to me.
You have to not worry about collapsing, falling, fainting or anything else.
'No Fear', has to be the thought process.
Whether you think fear in the run up to an event, when you actually are doing the task, you have to just go for it, no matter what you think the consequences would be; if that makes any sense.
It is hard to make sense out of anxiety anyway, because it is so unpredictable.
In a way, you have to act in the same way.
Sleep and rest are so important to be able to battle your way through the day.
Anxiety likes to mess this up to.
If you don't get enough sleep during the night, then make sure you do something relaxing during the day.
Damn, I have just divulged half a chocolate Easter Egg and now I have acid reflux. Why, why, why? Does it have to be chocolate that does this? :weep:
This means I now have to sleep half sitting up all night, which in turn means a stiff neck the following morning.
Was it worth it to have the chocolate.
Well, it was at the time. :unsure:
Until the next time..........
Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
So, today was not the lull day that I had planned.
I had to go out 3 times today and hardly got any rest.
But, these were normal weekly chores, so I was far more at ease.
It's felt so cold lately and when I heard the weatherman comparing this year with last year; it was 25c!!! And it certainly shows in the garden. So many flowers, shrubs and trees still looking bare. Just mainly daffodils and polyanthus. Cherry blossom tree has not even got any leaves showing yet. Heard a farmer saying that we were 6 weeks behind with spring. What's the betting that we will go head first in to summertime and bypass spring altogether.
My unexplained rash had disappeared today together with the ache in the leg. :shrug:
Uncontrollable thoughts were the bane of the day today.
Everything from when I was looking after my mum, to the funny turn I had 5 months ago, to where am I going to be in ten years time, will I be homeless, will I be on my own, will I end up in a home, will we all be killed by an asteroid hitting Earth, will we be controlled by robots, will we all become robots? :ohmy:
STOP! My brain is out of control.
I just want to sit and listen to the birdsong, breath in the fresh air and be peaceful and soulful.
This is the one thing that needs more work, whether through Mindfulness or something else. What with that and the forever thinking that I am going to die today or collapse or faint nearly everywhere I go.
In Mindfulness you are supposed to learn to quickly bring yourself back to the present when your mind wanders, which everyone's can do consciously.
It's the sub-conscious bit that's the problem. Sometimes you don't realise you are doing this until you have had several thoughts like this and then you shake your head in despair. They are always nagging thoughts, never nice thoughts.
Do you think, 'I feel so happy making the dinner or putting the rubbish out'?
Or, "I feel happy with my body and my mind is brilliant"? Or, "I have to go shopping, what a delight!"? Is this why we watch TV? to dull our brains?
I don't really want to dull my brain. I want to enrich it. I want to live and not just survive. Apparently we are all on this Earth for a purpose, so why do we have anxiety?
Are we thinking too much? How do we stop these regrets, sadness, despair, anger and fear?
I'm going to keep practising my mindfulness in hope that it will help; even cure.
Tomorrow is now my relaxing day. Hopefully. :)
Until next time..........
Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
I don't really think about the future-more about getting through the day and getting everything done. A lot of my anxiety comes from keeping to a routine so that things do get done. Mindfulness to me is just dealing with what you've got to do at the time without thinking too much about the next task. My daughter's psychologist calls Mindfulness "sticking plaster" which surprised me because I thought it was meant to be "best practice".
I reckon give it a few years and Mindfulness will be old hat. We'll all be told to do summat else (equally patented).
Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Quote:
I reckon give it a few years and Mindfulness will be old hat. We'll all be told to do summat else (equally patented).
I think you may be right Pulisa. 'Heartfulness'? :D
Although it can be very effective, it can also be a constant reminder of living in a robotic mode. IMO, read through it and take the bits that can help you. x
Ok, the relaxing day turned out to be a day of housework and chores. :lac:
I've also twisted my ankle and it hurts like ****!
Hobbling around the house eventually became impossible, so I had to rest in the end.
I only went into the garden today, so no run-ins with people or things that could potentially upset me. Just the housework and the ankle.
I got another invitation for a social event for tomorrow.
Although I got through the last two, I feel I need a break, so I declined.
It makes me sound Miss popular, but It's because these events have mounted up over months/years of declining and re-arranging.
If I was ever lucky enough to win the lottery, I probably wouldn't be able to pick up the prize anyway. :D
I want to get back in to driving again. The bad ankle has put a stop to that for the time being. As soon as it is ok, I am going to tackle this.
It's been 4 years since I have driven the car as a normal person.
I've driven down the road and back, but that's it.
This is a major phobia for me and where most of my panic attacks occur and where it all began.
It's a biggie for me, so I plan to take it one step at a time.
Even talking about it causes for face to flush and I become fidgety. :scared15:
I know it's not the end of the world if I don't drive anymore, but I want it to be my choice. Obviously, it would be handy in an emergency and even as it stands now, I would do it in an emergency if needed.
A Therapist told me of a tip for driving fear.
To make several stops, even if you don't need to or want to.
Then start off again and keep doing this until eventually you just feel free to drive normally. Sounds easy, doesn't it?
This is the technique that I am going to give a try.
First of all, I want a dry and sunny day, so that might be more of wait. :huh:
Until next time...........
Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
So, I didn't go driving today. But I will when the sun comes out. :)
I seem to be quite emotional lately. The least little thing and I well up.
From someone being a bit sharp with me to thinking about my late mum.
I still have issues with guilt and regrets with my mum and I really don't know how to deal with it. It's been a year since she passed and although I get on with my life, I have these flashbacks to certain times with my mum.
I also think in my head that the whole world is against me.
Almost to the point of paranoia. :wacko:
It maybe a coincidence but I was reading a magazine about de-cluttering last night.
It said that, 'before you de-clutter your cupboards and wardrobe, you should de-clutter your grief, regrets and guilt'. I thought, "this could take some time." :ohmy:
But, how do you do this anyway? More therapy?
I've had over 3 years of therapy, but at the end of the day, I still carry the same feelings and emotions.
I could be told until I am blue in the face that, "It was not my fault" or "I did my best" and after a while, I still think the same way.
Why do we carry this stuff on our backs weighing us down?
It's not because we are bad people or don't care.
It's quite the opposite. It's because we do care that we feel this way.
I suppose we have to get in to the heads of the people that affected us this way, like my mum would have said to me, "stop wasting your life with regrets and worry, you did everything you physically could of done".
Why does it take typing on a screen to a bunch of strangers to realise something like this? Why do I fight myself over this?
I know, this all rather heavy stuff, but baggage is!
I'm a strong believer that our lives are already mapped out for us.
I also believe that things happen for a reason.
So, if we bare these two things in mind, we should be able to cope with these emotions that haunt us.
'What ever will be, will be' or 'It was meant to be'. So many clichés could some up our lives.
You know those occasions when you are really upset about something.
Maybe a house or flat that you were going to buy or rent and you didn't get it.
Well, maybe you were not meant to have it. And the one you eventually got turned out to much better.
I need to remember this when things go wrong.
I remember a story that my dad told me a while back that was told to him by his mother. His mum and dad lived in flat over a shop which was adjacent to a pub on the opposite corner of the road. My granddad ventured to this pub on a regular basis.
The Landlord of this pub was very excited about his daughter getting married and it was common knowledge to the regulars that their wedding present was a trip on the 'Titanic'!
But, the couple on the day got held up with time and missed the launch of the ship, so they didn't board it and was very upset.
Until they heard the news that it sunk!!!!
You see, they were not meant to go.
'Something good, comes out of something bad'. :)
What might seem devastating at the time, could well turn out to be better for you and in this case; a life saver!
So, I will do my best to see a positive side to what may seem a regret, mistake, disappointment and keep in my head that this is the way it is supposed to be. :)
So on that note,
until next time.............
Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Hi Carnation. Please check your personal messages. I have sent you one. x
Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Thank you Senior Moment. Got it and replied. x
Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Another social event today. :ohmy:
Tea and cake at a neighbours and was quite looking forward to it.
A whole 3 hours with no flinching, no hot flushes and not wanting to run for hell leather.
Could it be the more you so this, the easier it gets? Maybe.
The 'no fear' attitude becomes more normality.
The anxiety lies in the run-up to the event and the exhaustion at the end of it.
If you keep focused, busy and positive beforehand, then this helps.
I've also been doing some gardening and what I call tough stuff.
I was actually getting out of breath, which always scares me, but I kept going and at one point was chased by a bee and as a result was running around the garden waving my arms in air like a woman possessed.
(I have a fear of bees and wasps; actually anything that flies and stings).
Afterwards, I though, "How can I be of breath and then running around like that?"
Because the breathing is caused by the anxiety and not on how healthy I am.
My acid reflux had settled down a lot now and I can now eat a little naughtier. :noangel:
You can only eat so much turkey and chicken. BUT! I am still careful. In moderation, I say.
I'm still feeling very nervous when I am walking or standing still. I can't seem to relax and take things in my stride, if you know what I mean. There's much improvement, but my brain keeps telling me that my legs are not stronger enough, which I know is a load of nonsense for the fact I was running around the garden out chasing an attack from a bee!
A tip for gardening. Don't wear blue. Apparently insect things love blue and get attracted to this colour.
What was I wearing? Blue jeans and a blue top. :lac:
My gland is up in my throat on the left-hand side. I get this when I am run down a lot! So, I am not thinking anything nasty, but it makes you feel a bit rough.
My emotions have been all over the place lately, which can affect this too.
So, I am looking forward to this warmer weather that's on it's way.
The sun rays have to make you feel better.
Sunglasses at the ready, flip flops waiting and bring on that vitamin D. :shades:
Until next time.......
Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
So, my throat was still sore and swollen today, so I decided to try some chakra work, thinking I may have an unbalance. Well, you know me, I will try almost anything. :wacko:
Reading up about this, apparently you can suffer with your throat area from emotional stress. This I have in abounds.
Also If you are holding back from expressing yourself in some way, it can cause a problem in the gland area. Of I course, read all of this information with an open mind. "Let's give it a go," I thought. After all, I only had to listen to some music, assuming the pitches of the sounds were the curing method. It actually sounded quite calming and I did actually feel a lot better.
It also mentioned singing, which would be the complete opposite of what I felt like doing, but I gave that ago too. Much to Mr C's disapproval. :D
Maybe I didn't do enough singing, because by the evening, I still feel poorly with this.
Or, it could be my visit to the Care Home to see Mr C's mum which upset today.
She was very upset and crying and her friend in the room next door had passed away, which then upset me. Can you believe I started crying too and I don't even know this person. :blush:
I dread going, because it reminds me so much of visiting my mum, of which I am obviously not over yet and I hate to see anyone upset or in distress.
I'm unbelievably emotional at the moment. Cried at BGT over the magician with his sad story that was interwoven in his act, even cried when the daffodils that I had delicately arranged in a vase only a few days ago had now died.
"What the hell is wrong with me"?
I'm constantly touching and prodding this sore part of my neck, making it worse and in turn making my anxiety worse too.
I just want that nice warm weather to come and rejuvenate me.
'Feel good weather', that's what we all need.
Not to sound too negative about everything. My walking has a made a major breakthrough. I can feel the ground. :yesyes:
Only people that suffer with anxiety and know that floating/being on a boat feeling, will know what I mean by this.
I definitely feel grounded and walking a couple of miles a day now.
Only a few months ago, I was struggling to walk from one room to another.
Sight is much more clearer too. No blurriness or misty lens. :)
I'm still checking the mirror far too much for signs of paleness or flushing.
'Checking' is not good, I know that. It fuels the anxiety. Best to just ignore and get on with stuff. It's not like I am vain or anything, far from it, it's the fear of not looking well. If I had any intelligence, I wouldn't be doing it all. But No, I do it all the time.
Even a shop window, a mirror in a shop, the wing mirror on the car, reflection from the computer screen when it is dark; it's unbelievable how much I do this. :lac:
So tomorrow I am going to give this Chakra music thing another go tomorrow.
I think it's Tibetan or something like that. There's also singing bowls, but my cat may be affected by that. :ohmy:
Until next time.............
Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
I'm doing my blog early tonight because I want to catch an early night.
My throat really hurts today and I am worried I am coming down with something.
I tried the Chakra Tibetan music, placed lapis stones on my throat and as recommended, wore blue; even though this is not the colour to wear in the garden. But, still poorly. In fact, I felt worse!
Went out to get some shopping and felt really unsteady on my feet, not knowing whether I am ill or whether the anxiety joined in the play.
So, I came home quickly and did the old trick of gargling with warm salt water and I've got one of those meals with nearly every veggie in it. Then I'm going to take myself off to me bed and wish for an improvement tomorrow.
It could be my sinuses, as I feel gunged up in my nose, ears, head and throat.
I get this a lot, but it doesn't normally affect my throat this bad.
To make matters worse, I had my acid reflux back again last night.
This was my fault as I had been eating far too much food to aggravate this. :lac:
When I was out walking I remembered a very good tip for when you are struggling.
If you murmur to yourself; 'heel, toe, heel, toe' as you walk, it helps a lot!
It takes your mind away from wandering and the concentration of doing this keep you in a tidy place.
I'm beginning to think my hot flushes are to do with my ongoing sinuses now.
As for mirror checking, well, that's been off the scale today.
Not only that, forever asking Mr C, "Do I look ill?" "Do you think I have a temperature?" Poor bloke. He must be so sick of me.
It's the not knowing what something is and that is why it is so hard with anxiety.
All those questions......
"What did I do to get this?"
"How can I control this?"
"What can I do to get rid of this?"
"How can I prevent having it again?"
Our brains are so advanced now that we need to know the answer to everything!!!
And where's this warm weather? It's been really cold today.
moan, moan, moan and more moaning.
I'm very good at moaning and not a very good patient, so for the sake of Mr C, let's hope I feel better tomorrow.
Until next time...........