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I feel much better today after resting yesterday. :)
When anxiety is more apparent and you can't master up the energy to do anything, a rest is sometimes all you need to feel a bit better.
So, today I walked a whole 2 miles! :yesyes:
This is amazing considering I could barely get around the house 3 months ago.
On a good day, I want to get everything done, which is obviously the wrong thing to do, but you know when you are bad, everything gets neglected.
I've got my acid reflux back again and it woke me in the middle of the night.
Burning throat and funny taste in mouth. :scared15: I'd done so well with my diet and it seemed to settle, but I stupidly had a whole bar of chocolate last night in a moment of weakness and paid the price later. Damn. Why does it have to be chocolate? Why can't it be Brussels or broccoli? I never thought in a million years that chocolate would make me ill. I know it was that, because the rest of the food I had eaten that day was so boring. Chicken, cauliflower, carrots, potatoes, tuna sandwich and toast.
When I look back at what I used to eat and not too long ago.
McDonalds, Snickers, Kentucky Chicken, Twix Bars, Cream Cakes, Mars Bars, Fry-ups, Chinese food, Pizzas, Sticky Toffee Pudding...........
And now I can't eat one small measly bar of chocolate! :mad:
Despite that , I took myself off to play piano in a Care Home today.
No, I'm not that good, but I have been learning some classical pieces all by myself and actually played one of them today in public! From memory too.
I started this at the beginning of my relapse. I wanted to keep my mind occupied and learn something new. (The jigsaws were doing my eyes in).
It's good for the brain. It's good for your control. And it's good for your soul.
Well I did it and was quite chuffed with myself. :)
Ok, I did have piano lessons when I was about 8, but never took it any further.
I'm talking a long time ago and it was very short lived.
Never think you can't do something. If the 'Will' is there you can do almost anything you want. :)
That's my message for today. Learn something new. Something you really want to do.
Yes, you might have to take anxiety with you, but it can sit there and take a back seat for a change. You are the one in charge and while you rejuvenate your brain, anxiety can sulk in the corner.
You see, anxiety doesn't like being ignored. It wants you to worry and pay attention to it. It's very attention seeking and it might even try to distract you from what you are doing. Think of it as a naughty child. You are the parent so you need to take charge!. :)
Until next time............
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Didn't do bad today......
Waited in a very crowded Post Office queue, sat still and quiet in the Library and walked a couple of miles. :)
My walking has improved massively. Still get the blurry eyed feeling occasionally, but mainly when I am tired. Definitely not so cautious when walking around the house and at times almost rushing; which is something I have to curtail.
Rushing brings on a hot flush, then I get panicky.
I am even managing to look people in the eyes when they speak to me, even though I am thinking inside, "they think I am ill, they are going to say something". Or, "I feel hot, I must looked flushed, they are going to make a comment".
And I always say I am fine when someone asks, I don't want any openings about a comment telling me I don't look too good.
You can calm the symptoms, but re-wiring the brain is another thing altogether.
It takes time and practice and basically a brand new routine of thinking.
Talking of that, I am in my final week of Mindfulness.
The last week is basically integrating all that you have learnt and using it in your every day life in a way that you are not taken over and turned in to a robotic being.
The hardest being the negative thoughts.
It's such a hard thing to do if you are a negative sort of person, so I am going to try my hardest to think positive things and outcomes.
Apparently if you wish for or picture good things happening, it is more likely to come true. So, I am going to think myself happy, safe and well. :)
I haven't done any 'tapping' recently, because I haven't needed it and I have stopped rushing outside when I have one of my flushes, I sit through it and I can tell you that rushing outside or away from your spot has no extra in calming down. It actually goes quicker if you just let it pass and carry on with the task in hand.
Same with adrenalin. I feel it in my legs and sometimes my feet.
My body wants to run, but you need to tell your brain there is no fear and stay!
Carry on with what you are doing. Yes, you might feel frightened, but what are doing at the time? Peeling potatoes, brushing your hair, cleaning your teeth?
Just say to yourself, "I'm ok, I need to get this task done and there is no fear with what I am doing".
So, until next time...........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
You offer a lot of insight and positivity in your posts, Carnation. Enjoy reading your updates - a welcome distraction from the me me me doom-mongers :lac:
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I agree, KK. You seem so much better, Carnation- I know you now have more time to yourself but I doubt whether I would have been able to do what you have done re improving your life in similar circumstances. I hate rushing around but find myself doing it a lot and it's horrible. Pacing yourself is so much more productive and cuts down on stress.
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That's nice to hear Pulisa. x
Sometimes you can't see what other people see.
I certainly have a lot more time to myself now mum has gone and partner's mum is in a home, which I have to say was not his choice or mine, but fate took a hand in this. She went in to respite while we waited for a new Care Agency as the last one folded and that was 4 months ago! Now my partner has adjusted to his mum being in a home as her needs are far more demanding being almost 92 and unable to move and the best bit about all of this, is she likes it there. :)
It's an independent with only a small amount of rooms. She has entertainment every day, a film in the afternoon, great home cooking a view of a rugby pitch from the lounge and a resident cat.
It's strange because for weeks we were still getting up early thinking we had carer's duties and mistakenly buying in food for her and so on.
It takes a long time to realise that your time is your own and you are free to do what you like. We sat in every evening and then I suddenly realised that we could go out and I said to my partner, "You know we can go out now if we want?" "Oh yes we can, can't we?" he said. We had both got in to a rigid routine and being on call 24/7, that it didn't sink in for some time that we could do anything else.
Problem is that you get so used to doing nothing socially, that you rack your brain as to what to do anyway. Socially you get cut off, so you sort of have to start from scratch.
Pulisa, try not to have doubts about improving your life. You can, no matter how small or big if the opportunity arrives. The hardest task is knowing or finding what you actually want to improve and going about it. For a start, you deserve it! x
Early today with my blog.........
I used to rush around so much, which only made me more grumpy.
Even running from room to room like a crazy woman. (No pun intended there).
I wouldn't let anyone do anything, I had to do it all myself, but now Mr C shares the duties. Except for the cooking. He's a terrible cook. Can only cook things on toast or an omelette. Although he can do some mean mash potato now. :)
It's very hard to slow down or do one thing at a time when you have so many chores or people to care for. It is actually non-productive to be that way. For yourself and for the task in hand. It's that saying, 'Less Haste, more Speed'.
I sometimes find myself slipping and realise I am cooking the dinner, feeding the cat, making a cup of tea, loading the washing machine and washing the kitchen floor all at once and I go, "Whoa! Slow down, Stop! Poor brain can't handle this".
After what seems like a lifetime of juggling and stress, it's time to be Mindful and look after myself.
I have to say that the 'Mindfulness Course' was very helpful for me and my improvement has gone from 30% to 70%. Well, Rome was not built in a day or a six week course. See, we even want to rush getting better. :D
I think the Mindfulness during every day chores was the most rewarding and I still use this everyday with eating and getting ready in the morning.
These two things I always used to rush. I'm surprised I haven't got hairbrush scratches on my head with the severity of quick brushing in the morning. And teeth. You would have thought I was scrubbing a floor the way I used to brush my teeth. No wonder they bled. :scared15:
As I have said before, be gentle on yourself. Be the parent to your body and mind.
You gain much respect for yourself as well.
Until next time....
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That list of what you used to eat made me hungry mmmmm , I think most people have to give up certain foods as they get older , onion , tomatoes , chocolate at night , caviar on toast .:D.
Now your time is your own again ( well most of it ) you seem to be going all out to get yourself better which is great and you know it's not a sprint , more cross country there will be ups and downs but your frame of mind seems a hell of a lot better than before hope it's catching .
Maybe one day you might have that little vintage / antiquey shop ( might have made that word up doesn't look right ? ) or vintage clothes .
Anyway carry on carrying on .:hugs:
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Are you saying I am old Buster? :scared10: :D
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Well you did mention your first car was steam powered :D
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Ha ha :D
Worse than that. It was an Escort!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Carnation
Ha ha :D
Worse than that. It was an Escort!
Not a Male Escort I hope?
Utter filth I say! :lac:
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Ha ha KK77,
They didn't exist in my day as I am obviously too old!
Besides, I could think of better things to spend my money on. :D
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Oh my, where does the time go?
And why am I always tired? :ohmy:
I wake up in the morning feeling like I have had no sleep and I am actually getting more hours these days. I don't understand it. I felt better when I was waking up every couple of hours. If I am being honest, I could stay in bed for an unlimited period of time, but is that anxiety doing that to me?
Muscle twitches were in force today. I'm preparing the dinner and there they go. Pulsating in my arm. Now, I used to drop everything, run away from what I was doing and think, "Why? Why is my arm twitching?"
But, today I just looked at my arm and said, "Yes, I know you are twitching and you need to stop, because all I am doing is peeling carrots and that is not dangerous or life threating". And it stopped and I carried on. :)
The thing is, when you are doing a task that is so robotic and mundane, the mind can wander and you may not be aware of it, but you are thinking of other things. Worries, stresses, past, future. It's not the carrot peeling, it's the mind that is wandering.
It will make no difference whatsoever if you run away or fret about where you are of what you are doing. It's the mind and NOT the task.
This is exactly why you are more likely to get muscle twitching, adrenalin rushes and many other anxiety symptoms when you are just sitting and relaxing.
Yes, you may think you are relaxing, but your mind isn't!
I actually drive my partner mad because I have the TV on in the sitting room, radio on the kitchen and bedroom and basically there is an audio nearly every where in the house. If I make a mental effort to listen to background noise, it stops me dwelling on past events or worrying about future events.
This is a great help if you can not control your bad thoughts or have negative feelings.
Muscle twitches hat like to scare you, but they are actually harmless. At least it proves you have muscles! :)
Palpations are another annoying irritation that tries to make you think horrid thoughts.
Firstly, your heart is beating which is a good thing and secondly, they actually stop if you tell it to stop. Honestly, no kidding. Have you tried it?
Also some palpations are a normal part of our everyday life.
Like bending over to put your boots on or pick things up from the floor.
And if you lay a certain way, you will hear your heart beating. That's normal, but anxiety sufferers magnify this in to something horrid.
Try as hard as it, to just carry on doing what you doing and each time you do this, it gets easier and easier.
It is only Fear, nothing nasty. :)
We are far too sensitive and on guard.
If your mind starts to wander, bring it straight back to the task in hand.
Say to yourself, "I am peeling the potatoes, making a sandwich, drinking a cup of tea!
Until next time......
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A typical start to the Easter weekend. Rain!!!!!
Not to be beaten by the doom and gloom of the weather, I went out to a local indoor Fair today. Oh my. Crowds, queues, noise, pushing and shoving, big spaces.... :scared15:
But I stood my ground and spent a whole 4 hours in this place.
Yes, I wanted to run, yes, I wanted to hide, yes I felt sick, yes, my legs felt heavy and my mouth felt so dry it felt like I was pounding my way through a desert with no oasis in sight. And No, I was not going to let all of this defeat me.
I lifted my heavy legs and walked, smiled at people I don't even know, tried to look excited at being there and tried to be normal.
No-one seemed to notice my struggles, it was all felt inside. The writhing, the uncomfortable feelings and the gritting of my teeth.
Obviously I was exhausted by the time I got home, but very pleased I did it.
Even the Café was a challenge.
Queues, waiting while they make you a sandwich, no seats visible, a tray to carry and then to share a table with strange people that look as though they had been wound up by a key before they came out. :scared15: Then having to eat in front of them and try not look their way. And hot! So hot in there.
But no, I used my mindfulness tools, I stayed calm and got on with it. :)
Maybe I just don't want to do these sort of things in my life anymore.
It's a personal choice. The choice is, I can do it or not. And the point is having the freedom from anxiety to be able to if you want to. That's why I went. To challenge myself, to do what the flocking crowds of Easter do on their holidays. I was one of them and to them I was normal.
I have never really been a crowd follower. I'd always walk that extra bit on the beach to have peace and tranquillity. I'd wait weeks to see a film that I wanted to see rather than be squashed by another hundred odd people. If everyone travels on a Friday afternoon, I would wait for the flock to disappear and travel 6 hours later. :D You know the sort of thing.
Anyway, back to symptoms...
Crawly sensations on the body. Had this today and the first explanation for this would obviously be fear. It feels like some little puny insect is crawling over you, maybe even a few. Had this on my face today. Kept thinking something was on me and flicked my hand to find nothing there. This is the nerves. Nothing more and believe me it was quite understandable with my freaky day today. Other people might even describe it as a trickling sensation of water. It's just nerves and nothing to worry about. It goes away and you might not even get it again for a long time or ever again.
So, how did I get through my day today.
like I said I used my mindfulness tools, using the five senses of looking around the room at objects, making eye contact, some small chat, staying in the moment and not running away or staying glued to one spot.
I'm not trying to make it sound easy, because it is challenging, but the important thing to remember is that it is only fear that makes you feel uncomfortable, nothing else.
So until next time..........
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What a miserable weekend, but not to dwell on it, I still ventured out today.
After the shock of seeing the population quadruple in the town, I still managed to get from A-B with minimal anxiety. :)
It would be nice to see some sun, but no, more rain and plenty of it.
Feels more like January than the end of March.
So, what today.....
Tummy flutters?
I can not express more how important it is not to go too long without eating something. Keep the stomach settled.
Did you know that if you feel sick, actually eating something calms that feeling.
I had the experience of a day trip to France quite a long time ago on a very choppy journey and as soon as we set off I felt so sick I had to sit on the floor in the toilet.
When I eventually returned to my colleagues who were all eating a fried breakfast.
They said, "Sit down and join us". "I can't face that" I said. "Trust us, if you eat something, it will settle your stomach and you feel sick because your stomach is empty". So, I reluctantly did, because I felt so bad, I would have tried anything to get rid of the feeling and do you know, it actually worked.
My point is you actually have to do what seems like the opposite of what you think you should do. Stomach iffy, gurgling, queasy, butterflies; eat something!
Now, the same thing applies to drinking. I mean water, tea, soft drinks; not alcohol.
Eyes feel a bit blurry, energy low, too hot, too cold, dry mouth?
Anxiety is proven to make us more dehydrated than normal and it can be a case of more fluids are needed. I'm not saying that all anxiety symptoms will disappear after a bite to eat and bottle of water, but it will definitely help and make you feel better.
The rule of thumb is a drink every 2 hours and to eat every 4 hours.
Think about it, that's why a working day was programmed to have a tea break at 11am, lunch at 1pm, tea break at 3pm and after work it is up to you.
These were the designed laws of the original working day.
Unfortunately in today's society people are expected to eat there breakfast on their way to work, miss they morning break, grab lunch as you shop and do other things in your lunch hour, (If you get one). And then you might be bribed with missing your afternoon break by saying you can leave ten minutes early to beat the traffic home.
This is all wrong, but it is reality today. No wonder we have a grumpy population.
Speaking of 'grumpy', which is something I try not to be, but fail on a daily basis.
So, I am trying to practice smiling in the mirror and laughing without cause.
This is difficult and feels silly, but it I am doing it to feed the right chemicals in to my brain. Depression is linked to anxiety and although I am not clinically diagnosed with depression, but get down days, it is something I would try to change my overall demeanour. If you can find something funny on TV to watch, then that's even better or read something that will make you laugh or anything else you can think of.
With the Media constantly bringing us bad news and constant depressing adverts, let alone the daily stresses of life, it is important to find different outlets of nicer things to give us joy. :D
to be continued..........
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Hi there , just caught up again , I'm the same with background noise , wake up tv on , walk to van , radio on ( or MP3 now I've caught up with the twentieth century :D) get to lock up , radio on ( digital how modern ) sometimes walk with the MP3 , back home tv on , get on my exercise bike , tv on subtitles and MP3 with big headphones, Do you think maybe we are trying to avoid ourselves , my mind never stops overthinking would it be nice to just think of sweet FA .
Well done on getting out and about , four hours in a crowded place and you didn't run or feel the need to kill anyone that's a major accomplishment, the general public are pretty annoying at the best of times .
I walked to the top of high hill yesterday that looks over my town and the old rail sidings ( soon to be hs2 ) haven't been up there for long time because of getting out of breath and my brain saying " turn back or you'll die " I got to the top and stood right on the edge with the dogs , it's quite a drop but I didn't wobble or feel anxous and I didn't get the intrusive thoughts to jump , for the first time in ages I was in the moment just taking it in .
Heard this song and it's definitely not my usual but who cares , thought of what you've been through and think it fits the bill , its upbeat and the lyrics were wrote after a loss , shame it's Gary Barlow , Let me go .:D
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Urgh! Not Gary Barlow, please. I deserve better than that Buster. :D
Well done you for your accomplishment. :) It's all about staying in the moment.
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Go on embrace the Barlow let him into your life he is the chosen one :D, what about Blondie Atomic ? My daughter filmed me singing this while driving and showed it to all her freinds surprisingly they said they wanted me to be there dad :roflmao: or Aerosmith Dream on , my musical taste has no rhyme or reason anymore I'm blaming it on mental illness.
Sat at the table today with grandson and granddaughter waiting for dinner , grandson ( 3 ) gets his knife and fork taps them together and goes " A one two a one two three four " and bursts into we will rock you , I nearly wet myself , then to top that granddaughter (7) goes " grandad do you know my dad cut his nuts open on a barbed wire fence ?" I did know but didn't really want to hear about it before dinner .
Hope you had a good day :D
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Do you ever get days when your body moves and your head stays one pace behind?
Well, today was one of those days for me. :wacko:
Look, there is no point in telling you I feel perfect every day, that would be giving you false information.
Whether I have over done things, pushed myself too far too soon or just having one of those off days. But, today was definitely a struggle for me.
I used my usual tools; staying in the moment, keeping focused and even did a bit of 'tapping', but I still struggled with anxiety.
I always like to find the reason for a bad day. Not enough sleep? A worry at the back of my mind? Too much sugar, not enough sugar? Fear!?
Maybe it is not the right thing to do, but the brain needs a diagnosis; always!
I had trouble walking, like I said, my head seemed slightly detached from my body. When I stood still I felt heavy and glued to the floor and then frightened to move away. My eyes seemed out of focus, I was cold, which is unusual for me, my stomach felt funny and if I moved about I felt unsteady.
Saying all that, I still went out, did some shopping, visited my neighbour and got through my daily chores. None of the people I met noticed anything strange about me or made any comment. These feelings come from inside of me!
Now, I know from experience that as you improve and feel better, you can in fact slip back and have a bad day. This is quite common. It's annoying to say the least when you think you've nipped the beast in to oblivion, but it's not the end of the world.
I know am carrying quite a lot of adrenalin, because I can feel it my legs and I haven't been able to do my usual walks due to the shitty weather.
I always feel better after a good walk and I know of many anxiety sufferers that get addicted to exercise and running, because it helps the levels of serotonin.
To make matters worse, everyone I seem to bump in to is ill or had just been ill, which sets off the worry thoughts of catching something. :ohmy:
This continuing winter climate is no help whatsoever for the feeling good mode.
Each time the forecast tells us of Spring is just around the corner, it rains for hell leather or some beastly wind arrives or even more snow. :(
I don't mean to be negative, but let's face it, life can not be running through the daffodils with sun on your face every day. (Although, we are told this by the weather forecasters that this approaching us very soon).
But..........and a big BUT,
I have noticed a change in my attitude towards fear.
Take today, not a great day, but one of my fears is carrying shopping that is far too heavy for fear of having a heart attack or strain on my lungs.
It might sound ridiculous, but it is a reappearing thought I have, to not take any chances in overstraining.
There is another angle to this, that might make more sense to my fear of this.
I suffered a mild stroke quite a few years ago; actually 14 years ago after lifting something extremely heavy, actually excruciatingly heavy, because I don't want anyone thinking they can not lift anything heavy ever again. It was a pool table. :scared15:
So this is why I have a fear of lifting or carrying anything heavy.
Well, today I grabbed a bag from my partner, because he wanted to do something and it was ladled with a lot of heavy stuff. My partner knows my fear and said to me, "It's heavy, are you sure?" I replied, "I am not going to die from holding a shopping bag!" OMG, what did I just say. A positive comment and breaking one of my fears.
I kid you not, I will spend 4 times longer than needed putting shopping away to avoid handling any heavy items.
It's like driving a car after an accident, which happens to be another one of my fears and a massive one. This is something I want and need to overcome in time.
Just because I was involved in a car accident, doesn't mean it is going to happen to me again; especially every day!
Overcoming fear and phobias is a HUGE benefit to overcoming anxiety.
Phobias are fear and if you have enough of those to keep you going on a daily basis, then you will be living in fear every day.
So my task now is to overcome my phobias. :wacko:
Until next time...........
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Hi Carnation. I am still enjoying reading your daily posts and could particularly empathise with yesterday. I have been having some really good days, doing things I haven't done for a long time and thinking more positively, and hey-ho out of the blue comes a day when I can't seem to walk in a straight line without toppling over, vision problems, head pressure, the damn lot !!! I then find it very difficult to get my headspace back into thinking positively again. I seem to go back to thinking I will never crack this anxiety. It's so frustrating and depressing. Oh well, today is another day, so onwards and upwards. Take care SM x
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Im not sure if you experience this but what you describe sounds like depersonalisation ( I might be stating the bloody obvious) I get this a lot walking along like I'm on someone else's back , my limbs don't really belong to me , then a little panic sets in and everything becomes hard work , heavy limbs breathing becomes harder which in turn reduces oxygen to the muscles and it makes it even harder , my mouth is always a step in front of my brain as well but that's a different storey .
You also do what I do over analysing everything why am I feeling this way must be a reason but sometimes there is no reason and questioning it just makes it more of a problem .
One thing I do know is trying too hard to be in the moment takes you out of the moment if that makes sence , if im feeling spaced out and weird doing something you have to concentrate on brings you back into the now .
Lifting and carrying is an issue with me as well , if I need to move something heavy I've already overthought it before I start and doomed myself , getting out of breath and not getting it back is my fear so starting to get out of breath sets in the panic , if I just have to do something on the spur of the moment I'm usually ok .
Turning into a bit of a cuckoo sneaking into other people's threads while they are out I really need to stop that , 4000+ views so people are reading .
Take care :)
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Quote:
Hi Carnation. I am still enjoying reading your daily posts and could particularly empathise with yesterday. I have been having some really good days, doing things I haven't done for a long time and thinking more positively, and hey-ho out of the blue comes a day when I can't seem to walk in a straight line without toppling over, vision problems, head pressure, the damn lot !!! I then find it very difficult to get my headspace back into thinking positively again. I seem to go back to thinking I will never crack this anxiety. It's so frustrating and depressing. Oh well, today is another day, so onwards and upwards. Take care SM x
SM, first and foremost, one of these is needed :hugs:
I am pleased you are having some joy with my posts, if nothing else to compare notes! :) When you read of a similarity in a symptom, it is comforting to know you are not the only one and can prevent you from thinking it might be something worse.
These symptoms can make you feel very angry at times and it IS the anger that sometimes gets me through the day. Other days it could be tears, but whatever it is, we need to find ways of coping. x
Quote:
Im not sure if you experience this but what you describe sounds like depersonalisation ( I might be stating the bloody obvious) I get this a lot walking along like I'm on someone else's back , my limbs don't really belong to me , then a little panic sets in and everything becomes hard work , heavy limbs breathing becomes harder which in turn reduces oxygen to the muscles and it makes it even harder , my mouth is always a step in front of my brain as well but that's a different storey .
You also do what I do over analysing everything why am I feeling this way must be a reason but sometimes there is no reason and questioning it just makes it more of a problem .
One thing I do know is trying too hard to be in the moment takes you out of the moment if that makes sence , if im feeling spaced out and weird doing something you have to concentrate on brings you back into the now .
Lifting and carrying is an issue with me as well , if I need to move something heavy I've already overthought it before I start and doomed myself , getting out of breath and not getting it back is my fear so starting to get out of breath sets in the panic , if I just have to do something on the spur of the moment I'm usually ok .
Turning into a bit of a cuckoo sneaking into other people's threads while they are out I really need to stop that , 4000+ views so people are reading .
Take care :smile:
Buster, I hear what you are saying about depersonalisation and I have had that a few times, the worst being when I had my original breakdown. You could be right in some instances, but I am leaning more towards an off day. For me when I had depersonalisation, I felt detached from the world and everything in it and had problems with even recognising myself in the mirror.
However, I recognise particularly a symptom you mentioned, which is the mouth/brain, which happens to me from time to time.
Various forms of not being able to communicate normally.
I will go to say something and the words could be back to front or in the wrong order.
Or I will go to speak and there will no voice! :scared15:
Or I will say something completely and utterly stupid.
Then there is the one where I will repeat what the other person has just said, just for the hell of it.
I have also had a choking fit when speaking and hot flushes when in conversation.
I put this down to social anxiety and basically being nervous.
Buster, a big strapping lad like you? :D Worried about lifting heavy stuff?
I know, you are a softie inside.
Seriously, lifting normal day to day stuff should have no affect on your breathing.
The breathlessness is actually how you have said it, "breathing becomes harder which in turn reduces oxygen ", through panicking!
---------- Post added at 15:17 ---------- Previous post was at 15:09 ----------
Just to add to that, as my post got posted before I had finished!!!:mad:s
I was going to mention that some of the Mindfulness tell you to lift heavy items as part of the course.
It's just a 'Pool Table' is particularly a heavy item for a woman to lift up from the floor, not knowing I had a whole in my heart as well. :ohmy:
And if you ask, "Why on earth was I doing that in the first place?"
Well, we were running a pub at the time and I was too impatient to wait my for partner to do it and paid the price for doing it myself. Certainly taught me a lesson!
So, please don't think you are going to die every time you do any lifting. :hugs:
Yeah, 4000+ readers. Wow, who would have thought it? :D
---------- Post added at 15:50 ---------- Previous post was at 15:17 ----------
I am writing my blog a little earlier today in case I forget the stuff that's sitting inside my unpredictable brain! :)
I will start by telling you that yesterday was just a an 'Off Day', which I am obviously very pleased about. Despite having a stressful morning because my internet was down on my phone and computer, but was strangely working on my partners. I was very concerned that it might have been something serious.
Anyway, it is fixed and I can now get on with what I want to do.
I even managed a very long soak in the bath, but had to get out eventually as my white legs had turned bright red and my skin was starting to wrinkle! :)
I am going out on a limb here to say that yesterday was too do with tiredness.
Being tired with anxiety is not necessarily a physical thing, although it will affect the body. But my brain was tired and that would probably explain why it was a pace behind my physical movements. :D
So if you feel this happen to you one day, just tell yourself, "It's not such a good day today, but I will feel better tomorrow". :)
I also want to tell you about my TV viewing.
I have started watching, 'Would I lie to You?'. (They run a stack of repeats on one of those many extra stations we get on our TV.
I finding it very good for my Anxiety. Yes, 'IT' enjoys it too.
Well, if it's going to hang around with me, it might as well be occupied like a naughty child. :D
This programme is good for me for many reasons.
1. It is company, because they are chatting as if in your room.
2. It is funny, so it makes me feel better.
3. You can play along with the guessing, which is good for keeping your mind occupied.
4. 'Lee Mack' keeps getting hot flushes and doesn't flinch, which makes me feel better about myself. :) (Apologies to 'Lee Mack' if he should read this, I think he is great!).
So, if you can find programmes like this on TV, it's surely got to be better than watching someone dying an explicitly long death in a film or listening to actors/actresses shouting at each other in a Soap or the dreary news and weather reports.
My 'Tip' for the day is Singing!!!
If you feel out of breath, panicky, or think something bad is going to happen to you.
Try singing a song, anything at all.
Why? Because if you are singing, you can't be out of breath or having a heart attack and it strangely relieves Anxiety and Panic and feeds good levels of happiness in to what feels like our uncontrollable brain.
On that note :)
'til next time........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Did you put on the red cape before you picked up the pool table off the small trapped child :D we are bloody idiots for lifting way too heavy things that's why I've worn out my discs in my back , didn't think body parts wore out until your seventies at least , we used to turn cars over in scrap yards with just three people and brute force nearly ended up under one like a rat trap when two guys let go , it's not shopping bags and alike that scare me it's getting motorbikes in my van alone or overloaded boxes , I will never learn .
Singing is a good one for driving anxiety I just sing my head off in traffic around the city people must pee themselves but who cares I don't know them , another one I do when out walking when the breathlessness and panic sets in is to say " this exercise is going to do me good " in one breath , I read if you can say that in one go you are not that out of breath .
Bob Mortimer is the best on Would I lie to you , his stories are so bizarre and usually true , he plays the fool but he's no idiot there is a lot more to him than meets the eye ( I googled him I do that a lot )
Have a good one tomorrow, cuckoooo :D
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I agree with you about Bob Mortimer. I never realised he was so funny. :D
The one about him doing his own dentistry had me on the floor with fits of laughter.
Ha ha, I guess you are referring to my 'Wonder Woman' moments.
No saving lives that time. :blush:
It was a case of, "Excuse me Miss, my ball's got stuck in the pocket", and don't take that the wrong way! (Always happening with pool tables).:D
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Blimey! I'll have to down more cans of spinach to contend with you, Carnation!:D
I find the most frustrating thing is that my anxiety voice in my head really wants to trip me up and make me think about my worst fears even when I am doing ok. Even in that bloody scanner my thoughts were "you can't breathe, can you?"/ "you need to move,don't you?". I rode it out but I hate it when you work against yourself in these situations-almost as if you are asking for trouble because that is what is going to happen. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that...I find the same thing when I'm driving or in significant meetings when I can't cock things up but my brain wants me to..
Cue men in white coats...?
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Bob was actually a solicitor before he met Vic reeves now Jim Moir , he was great on taskmaster , he's one of those people seems to be on a different wave length to everyone else . Had a feeling you'd just be retrieving a stuck white ball with the technical method of the lift and drop technique, lift , drop , clunk , roll , listen and clunk out it drops , sounds of a misspent youth .
Pulisa I know you don't mean it literally but anxiety does sometimes trip me up , heavy clumsy feet and weak legs don't make good for walking on uneven ground , I think god soon I'm going to stumble then there it is trip . I bet there are times you want to take a red pen to my posts and correct the speling and punktuation right ? Can't teach an old dog new tricks :D hope you are ok today .
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There simply aren't enough hours in a man's day to do all the things you women get through. I have to sit down with a coffee and rest after just reading it :wacko:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carnation
The thing is, when you are doing a task that is so robotic and mundane, the mind can wander and you may not be aware of it, but you are thinking of other things. Worries, stresses, past, future. It's not the carrot peeling, it's the mind that is wandering.
It will make no difference whatsoever if you run away or fret about where you are of what you are doing. It's the mind and NOT the task.
This is exactly why you are more likely to get muscle twitching, adrenalin rushes and many other anxiety symptoms when you are just sitting and relaxing.
Yes, you may think you are relaxing, but your mind isn't!
I can really relate to the above. I find my mind traversing the universe and back...all manner of past memories - usually unpleasant ones - trying to wind me up anew. "How did you let them get away with doing/saying that!" "Why didn't you act differently?" "Why didn't you speak up?" So by the time I've finished the dishes, I'm looking for a punchbag.
Usually I make do with sitting down with another coffee :shades:
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
So you actually wash up, KK? I am impressed and you deserve your caffeine fix!
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Pulisa, You are far braver than me. A Scanner!!! :scared15: I'd be kicking and punching like a baby, let alone screaming the place down. Can't bare confined spaces and the white coat brigade. Actually, you'd be surprised that a Pool table is not too heavy to lift up; it's the keeping it up that requires extra strength. In my case through anger that my partner was elbow on bar chatting and ignoring my plea for help and I just got stupid and thought, "bugger it, I'll do it myself". :D
Buster, I am the worst for spelling mistakes and half the time it's because I am too impatient to check before posting. With that and predictive text, I have no hope. :D
KK77, I am also impressed you 'do the dishes'. Don't they have a machine that does that now?:) And sounds like you drink to much coffee? If I did, I would be running around the garden as if in a Flower/Power state.
So today was let's say a trying day. Not tiring, TRYING!
My dad used to use that terminology and it sounds less negative than a bad day.
I'm not talking about Anxiety stuff, I am talking about life stresses.
However, they don't do the anxiety any good and considering, I coped pretty well.
There is many a time that I look at the untouched bottles of wine and could easily grab one and divulge, but I know that's not the answer and in turn, could make me worse.
Why are there so many stresses with life today?
Everything seems to breakdown, stuff is made only to last about a couple of years and for some strange reason, ITV3 has disappeared from my TV.
There's a drip in the bathroom which drives me insane throughout the night and the birds are waking me up far too early in the morning. Yeah, they are a joy to watch during the day, but for a little beak they sure can throw out a piercing trill.
It's funny how I use the bird's song for my meditation, but can stress me as well. :huh:
Does anyone look at themselves in the mirror in the morning and hope they see a fresh and youth looking reflection with a glowing look of health, but see a vision of what looks like no sleep and, dark circles, puffy eyes and dull looking skin?
How long does one have to sleep to get a radiant look without getting pregnant?
I know vitamin D can help with this as well as a sun tan, but as the months have passed us in winter mode, it seems to show in my face. :scared15:
The thing that is pestering me at the moment is the adrenalin filled legs.
It feels like I am wearing running taps strapped to each leg.
I do that; acknowledge, understand and carry on bit, but it's still unnerving.
And I must remember not to keep looking at the ground when I am walking.
I preach, but I forget to do it myself. Head hanging low, staring at my legs and then not realising I've bumped in to somebody or worse still, not seeing a car when crossing the road.
I also lost my temper with somebody today, which is something I rarely do.
I try avoid confrontation and normally walk away.
I also worry that an outburst will lead to yet more symptoms and my poor nerves shattered even more.
I've read conflicting advice about anger. Some say to release any anger as it is not good to store inside of you and others that say it is best not to get angry and try to see the funny side. Easy to say.
With one therapist I was told to get a cushion and pillow and punch it with all the anger I had. Then another was to put down anger stuff o paper and burn it and another was to just toss it aside and put it in imaginary box to be shut and never opened again. I can't say which one is the right one, but we all have anger.
Anger with stress, disappointment, people, gadgets and especially with Anxiety.
Now that's where it sometimes works for me. Getting angry with anxiety, when it gets to the point where I am fumbling, staggering and blubbering a load of rubbish, I get angry with it and shout something like, "Oh, for God's sake, beep, beep, beep!***!
So, I suppose anger can have it's moments, but like everything, in moderation.
They say with stress that it can take 4 times as long to calm down.
My, is there enough time in the day? No wonder we are messed up.
Until next time.........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Carnation swearing is excellent therapy it should be on the NHS , when I get frustrated with my brain messing things up it's usually "for fu£ks sake will yiu just fu&k off " but magic would probably put it better .:D
Had a couple of lousy days , virtually no sleep and then tired all day long , today I've bought some cbd oil , I've not got a lot to lose right now so I'll let you know how that goes , if you don't hear anything then it didn't go well and I'll be in broadmore ( what do ya mean good ?):D
Take care.:hugs:
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Another 'Trying Day' for me..........:ohmy:
And.........
My partner who also suffers with anxiety, but in a different form to me, had what he calls 'poison coming out of his skin'. Not literally poison of course, that is his terminology for the red blotches that suddenly appear all over his body when he gets over stressed. At least he knows what it is and why it occurs.
He was like this because he had found out by way of post that his mum had an mental assessment without him being present. :mad:
The Social Services are fond of doing this. Why? I have no idea, but Mr C was raging all over the house this morning and then the red blotches came out.
The human body can react in the most strangest of ways under stress and worry.
It is actually it's way of coping and releasing anything bad.
I woke up this morning far too early and couldn't get back to sleep.
My Mind was whirling around with worry, worry, worry!
Unfortunately my Mindfulness techniques didn't work very well as soon as I became in the present, I was back in the past seconds later, so I eventually gave up and left my Mind to run riot. I was just too tired to fight it. :wacko:
I had a 'couldn't be bothered' day today.
I hate these days, because I have to push myself to do just the basics in the day and then I feel I have wasted my day and then feel lazy and pathetic.
No, I am not pathetic, I am worthy!
That's one of the things you say to yourself when you are 'tapping'.
I even felt I couldn't do that as my head felt delicate and at one point I imagined my brain was burning! :scared15: How could it be burning, like some sort of combustion moment?
Think I watched to many horror movies in my youth.
It's quite amazing what you can imagine with anxiety. Like a real life nightmare.
I always had a vivid imagination as a child and used to imagine faces in my bedroom curtains and a monster under my bed.
Now, I just think everything could kill me from eating eggs, (my phobia), to catching every disease. I have become so intent on survival and keeping safe, that I am aware of any small detail that could infect me or end my life.
Health Anxiety is a hard one to overcome.
Even if you get the all clear from the Doc, within a few months/weeks/days, you start thinking and obsessing again about what might be wrong with you or what could kill you. It's like an M.O.T. 100% for that day and as the year goes on, you start to fret whether it will pass again.
I hate living my life like this and I do my upmost to try and just live and not worry, but as soon as I hear of some illness someone has got or a pain in the body; Bang! Here we go again.
Then I look at my partner's mum who is 92, nothing wrong with her and enjoying life with her good sense of humour despite being stuck in a wheelchair or bed.
Maybe that's the answer. Humour. They say that laughing, smiling and playing like a child keeps you young and healthy.
Maybe that's why Bob Hope lived to 100! Cracking jokes and playing golf. :D
Why is it so hard to control the Mind. Have you ever realised how much stuff runs through your brain when you are making dinner, having a bath or lying in bed.
If you count a day's worth of thoughts and worries, it would run in to hundreds!
So, this is why meditation is very good at giving your brain a rest. We rest our bodies, but not our brains.
I really can't recommend it enough. And if you have never done it before and think it be a bit weird or strange, it can be as simple as just sitting and listening to the birds whistling as you breath gently in and out.
There's so many great apps you can follow online.
Until next time............
---------- Post added at 21:53 ---------- Previous post was at 21:47 ----------
Hi Buster, I had to look up CBD Oil; never heard of it before.
I hope you bought it from a trustworthy source and not from some dodgy Chinese supplier. I know you like a bargain, but this is not something you want to get on the cheap. :huh: Hope to hear from you tomorrow.........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Carnation
at one point I imagined my brain was burning! :scared15: How could it be burning, like some sort of combustion moment?
Think I watched to many horror movies in my youth.
Never say NEVER! http://www.myemoticons.com/emoticons...te/flaming.gif
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
I certainly don't KK. :wacko:
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Got the cbd oil from a bloke called dodgy Dave in the nags head car park but he had an honest face so it should be ok :D I'd never heard of it two weeks ago but a mate told me his Mrs takes it and it works wonders or at least she thinks it does same thing really, looked into it and there are loads of positive reviews, it's not illegal like anything with thc in it , I need to be in the right state of mind before I try it or I'll just panic and imagine it's making me worse , the attitude of I'll try anything once is what got me in this mess so maybe it's the way out as well .
I got it from holland and barratt really and she said they sell about 100 bottles a week and run out every week , I wouldn't chance the stuff they have on fleabay could be anything.
Take care .:)
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A better day today, despite not having a good night's sleep again!
For some reason, I am waking up about 6.30am and can not get back to sleep again.
Once awake, I lie there worrying about so much that I end up trying to suffocate my brain with my pillow. :wacko:
Then as soon as I get up, I am the obsessing about how tired and pale I look and then think I have to go at snail's pace all day in case I faint from lack of sleep.
The thoughts and worries just go on and on.......
Eventually I ventured out. I had planned to go to a 'Secret Sale' this afternoon, which is an event that consists of goods that are sold at slashed prices, normally old season stock or soiled goods. This was being held at a local hall and I have to say that I was nervous about going anyway. Firstly, because I was tired and secondly because I was venturing in to the unknown.
Well, I've never known anything like it. When we arrived at the venue, there was a queue that trailed all the way down the street as if there was a new release of yet another 'Harry Potter' book. Obviously no where to park, so we had to park about a quarter of a mile away from the place. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise as by the time we walked back, the queue had disappeared and we could just go straight in. Queuing is something I just don't do.
On entering the venue I could see a massive crowd in front of me, which filled the hall to it's rafters. My God, it looked like Primark on the first day of opening.
Not to be deterred, I made my way to try and get in, because remember, I am trying to face my phobias and fears.
It was awful. Pushing, shoving, poking. Stabbed 4 times by a coat hanger, toes were crushed by stranger's feet and ladies handbags shoved in my face.
I don't have to tell you that I wanted to get out, a good reason would be that I couldn't get in!
So, I stood by the doorway and just watched the vultures at work.
This was a great test for my anxiety and panic. There must have been about 200 hundred people there and there was little me venturing in to this amazon of monsters.
I got in, didn't quite know what to do, so pretended to look interested in the goods.
Something must have clicked in my brain, because I quickly became like these people and started to pick up bargains with glee and joined in the fiasco.
I am not a fan of shopping and this was a test for me in more ways than one, but I was feeling very proud of getting this far.
When I looked back at the exit, which is normally a cue to run, I didn't, I stayed. For a full 2 hours! There was a queue for the till about 50 people long and in the distance I heard a lady shout out, "I've got to get out of here, I suffer with Panic attacks"!
I rushed over to her and touched her arm and said, "So do I and we should both be proud that we are in here at all" She smiled and we started chatting, totally unaware of anyone else in the room.
So that was my proud moment today. :)
So when I read that overcoming anxiety is by facing your fears and phobias, I certainly believed it today. :yesyes:
Until next time............
---------- Post added at 22:55 ---------- Previous post was at 22:51 ----------
Buster, did you get the 'Buy one and get the second one half price?' Or even better, a penny? Or is it, 'Buy three and get one free'? :D
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
I must admit that I steer well clear of all sales and events where intrepid shoppers will gather-there is something about sales which bring out the worst in people ie stampedes and chaos!:D You did very well to survive intact, Carnation! Did you manage to bag a few bargains yourself?
I hate clothes shopping for myself and have to be in the right mood to be able to choose anything. I'll have to steel myself soon and get a few basics for Summer but will choose a quiet time and do it as quickly as possible!
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Well done on hanging around at the sale , I've seen quite a few fights breakout at sales , men and women , once saw two men arguing over an old camera one picked it up and smashed it in the others face and ran off , maybe your sales are a bit more tame , it definitely does bring out the very worst in people, greed and anger but then we all like a bargain :D.
Pulisa what's not to like about clothes shopping ? Standing in a well lit white box surrounded by mirrors to show you how you've let yourself go in detail , then having the walk of shame as you exit the box and hang up the jeans that were to small walking past the 17 year skinny assistant, straight to the cake shop .:D
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Carnation you should be so proud of yourself!! That must have been very tough and yet you stayed and for 2 hours too :yesyes: And fancy you meeting that other woman. I wonder how many others were in there too who suffer the same but didn't feel up to stepping forward?
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Pulisa, I don't know what possessed me to go in the first place really.
But, if I wanted to put my anxiety to the test, it certainly did that!
Mr C got a pair of trousers for £5 and I got one of those Country hats, (old man's cap), for a fiver too. So, was it worth it? NO! But, worth it to help my phobias.
Buster, there were no fights, but quite a bit of shoving and pushing.
It was more of a 'middle class' type of sale. Although I hate the class thing.
I agree with my late dad's saying; 'If you have to work, then you are working class'.
If I had my way, I would do away with the class thing altogether.
We all wear the same skin and start and end at the same place. :D
So, waking this morning after a good 8 hours sleep :yesyes: and feeling a bit battered from yesterday's stampede. I was ready to face a new day.
I forgot to mention that my acid reflux has been a lot better recently after my diet change, which actually allowed me to indulge in some fish and chips tonight. :)
Another bloody queue, but got chatting to a woman in the queue and didn't run away or look at the floor as I usually do, so the time went much quicker.
Adrenalin has calmed down today, a few flushes, walking was good, focus was good, so generally not a bad day from anxiety.
The nagging thoughts of worry and past events is the thing that haunts me the most.
Worries of the future and trying to stay in the present, definitely need some work.
I'm not expecting this to be cured quickly. A lifetime of events and ongoing stresses, could take some serious re-wiring and re-thinking.
The trouble is, the brain gets lazy and we operate mostly on auto pilot.
Have you ever been in the kitchen and put something in the fridge that doesn't belong there or switched the kettle on with no water in it, mislaid your keys which was only a hour ago or taken a wrong turn because you go there so much, but didn't mean to this time?
Even with eating. We fork stuff in to our mouths, forget to chew properly and then you have choking fits and wonder why.
We need to exercise our brains like our bodies. We need to be aware of what we are doing, not in a robotic state, but an alert state. This prevents our subconscious minds from jumping in reminding us of a conversation we had with someone yesterday, or thinking about a driver that annoyed us when they wouldn't let us out or forgetting the bread that we went out for.
Lists! Are brilliant. Relieve the brain and unclog it by writing lists.
Not just for shopping, anything that will help the brain relax a bit.
Get a board on the wall for any appointments or mark the diary on your phone.
Lists for chores, goals, reminders for relaxation time, what programmes you want to watch. Lists are a godsend. :)
Until next time............
---------- Post added at 23:39 ---------- Previous post was at 23:33 ----------
Hi fishman65 :)
Sheer amazement on my part.
I am hoping to meet up with the lady I met, so something good came out of it too.
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
I had a busy day today, which included an invitation to a neighbour's house to meet with other neighbours for tea. This was a concern for me as I had turned down three past invitations to go because of social anxiety; basically making a fool of myself and wanting to run away or saying something stupid because of getting tongue tied.
This time I went. After the pleasantries of saying, "hello, hello, hello, nice to meet you" and so on, I grabbed the chair nearest to me. I was handed a cup of tea which I couldn't put down anywhere so had to do my hardest to keep it steady in my hand. Then I was handed some cake, so now both hands were in a balancing act with no room to either drink the tea or eat the cake. After a lot of fumbling, I managed to put the tea on the cake plate and rest it on my lap. And this is all in the first 5 minutes of being there.
Now for the small chat. Not my forte at all. I know, the weather. That killed all of 2 minutes, so I start looking around the room at the objects in the house. There were ten of us in the house, so it was quite daunting for me. There were several conversations going on between them all and because I was not involved in any of them, I started to fidget. I felt like Kenny Everett and kept crossing my legs from one to the other. Then I was caught off guard and someone asked me a question. It was like being back at school when you were not paying attention.
I have to be honest, I found it extremely hard to pay attention to what was going on, keep still, not say anything stupid and not run. I was even thinking the tea and the sugar rush from the cake would give me an adrenalin rush and make me worse, but I drank and eat it all. Remember, I am facing my phobias.
About an hour and half later, someone was making a move to leave and there was my cue. "Thank God", I thought. Relief at last. I can't say I enjoyed it tremendously, but I felt a bit more normal and I achieved my goal of sitting it out. So, I am chuffed with myself. :)
An event like this can make you feel totally drained. Like you have been on a 'all night rave.' (Not that I have been on a 'all night rave', but can imagine the feeling).
It's so exhausting; mentally and physically.
I've got to say that my head felt woozy today, like I've downed half a bottle of wine before venturing out. It's funny how I feel like this and others can't detect it. :shrug:
I feel as if I am staggering and swaying and my eyes are going their separate ways.
The thought of falling or passing out enters my head, but I always manage to get to my destination, mainly through sheer determination and perseverance.
I woke with palpations this morning. You know that thumping of the heart beat in your ears. Even rubbing my ears and sticking my fingers in them doesn't alter the sound, but it does go away in it's own time. This is the feeling you sometimes get when you lean forward or put your head down, but today I was upright and not doing anything at all. My logic has put this down to my sinuses. That's what I am going to stick with, otherwise I start to panic.
No hot flushes today, even though the house had a roaring log fire going in the room and on the hottest day of the year so far. My eyes must have been like saucers when I clocked the heat flaming in to the room as I walked in.
Muscles have been twitching and in the most unexplainable regions.
Dare I say, the bum? :ohmy: Why on earth there? Don't think I want to know the answer to that one anyway. Normally I get them around the torso area, so this is a new one for me.
Tomorrow, I have yet another engagement. We are taking our neighbour for a Sunday Roast with a half an hour drive each way and to a place I have never bee before. :scared15:
I could quite easily just stay in bed and just grab a sandwich, but I've changed this arrangement a couple of times already, so best get it over with.
Terrible to think like this, but it is the truth. I'm not the woman I use to be.
If this goes well, I going to give myself a well deserved pat on the back; if that is possible? :D
So, until tomorrow...........