Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling
There is no way on earth you could have caused your sister's illness. Your OCD is playing tricks on you in your grief.
The flowers are a loving gesture from a sister who cares and just wants to show sisterly love and support at such a ghastly time. I do so hope you two can reconcile..despite her husband.
Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling
How are you, Inanna? Were you able to get the flowers to your sister safely via your Mum?
Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling
Hi Pulisa,
thanks for asking. I got some flowers yesterday, and my Mum is taking them down today. I put a card in which said "Thinking of you. Although things have been difficult between us. I still care about you very much. With love Me"
I hope that that was alright, but I feel nervous.
I am not blameless in all of this. When my Dad died, I really could not cope with my brother in laws behaviour (I could fill a book here), so decided to take a step back. I still attended family events at her house if I were invited, and sent gifts and cards at birthdays/Christmas. So, I suppose it is my fault. Eventually she came to "clear the air" and she pressed me for why I had been more distant. I told her that some of her husbands behaviour when Dad died really upset me, (Especially him banning my daughter from coming to the hospice when Dad died, I had no support and all my sisters had husbands), and she went ballistic and stormed out. The next day she pushed the birthday gift card I had sent down to her back through my letterbox, and hasn't spoken to me since.
how did things get to this?
Inanna xx
Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling
The husband is obviously a control freak. How very sad. Of course none of this is your fault and you mustn't think it is..I'm sure the husband is behind your sister's behaviours. Let's hope that he relaxes his grip on her when she needs family support more than ever xx
Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling
Hi pulisa
well, it didn’t go well. My daughter (!) got an email from him this afternoon saying “ can you please ask your mother to stop bothering my family with flowers, cards , WhatsApp messages... too late.
Shame on her using your grandmother.
She can pick the flowers up or they can go in the bin”
then this evening my younger sister rang me to tell me that eldest sister had texted her to ask her to tell me to leave her alone,
so I guess that’s it then..
I feel terrible, I did “use” my mum either.
I feel so sick I can’t eat. I’ve also been getting chest pains, and start worrying that I’m going to have a heart attack. I had an echo and a stress ecg in December, so I’m hoping it’s “just” the extreme stress.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate your messages
Inanna xx
Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling
What a truly horrible man. I'm so sorry, Inanna .You tried your best and there's nothing else you can do but stand back.
How dare he use your daughter to spread his bile..You've only done what any concerned sister would do under extremely challenging circumstances. Your Mum must be very confused and disappointed that he's still acting like this.
He wasn't too bothered about you looking after his son during lockdown though, was he? When your nephew didn't have a home and you gave him one?
These chest pains are down to pure stress..understandably xxx
Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling
Hi pulisa
Thank you for your lovely reply.
atthe moment I am actually feeling okay. I feel calmer now, as before I was constantly worrying about what I should do. All I can say is I have tried, and can do no more.
they have both made it crystal clear that they don’t want anything to do with me, so I can stop wondering and worrying.
i do find it strange that my sister can readily forgive her husband for going behind her back onto a dating website , but cannot find it in her heart to speak to me.
amyway, I feel like I’ve done my best, so now I am going to concentrate on living ,y own life, and not beat myself up over it. I am very sad for my sisters illness, but not allowing myself to make the most of my life won’t change things for her.
i realise that I may be up and down on this , but right now, I’m at peace with myself on the matter.
now if I can just get my ha under control, ....
thank you again :bighug1:
Inanna xx
Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling
Sadly I think you've made the right decision, Inanna. You've made the gesture and it was rejected. At least you know where you stand and you can only try to build bridges for a limited time.
Look after yourself and concentrate on your own quality of life. It'll take strength and determination to keep your HA under control particularly at the moment. I'm just really sorry that you couldn't get closer to your sister xx
Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling
Inanna, I'm only just reading this and I'm so very sorry.
Re: Worried about digestive issues, ha spiralling