Re: Feel like something isn't right??
He sounds like a good guy, very mature. At that age it could be a major deal and having the maturity to say its because of the lack of experience with other partners says a great deal about him.
Mindfulness is good for helping with this. They have scanned the brains of people doing it to find it accesses what is termed the compassionate side of the brain. Thats got to be good for helping you to let this go.
I have cut out alcohol but for me it was more because I was struggling so badly with the bodily sensations that I didn't want to experience the hangovers! I have drank occassionally and its been fine but I'm wary of doing it like I used to i.e. out with the lads all night style.
I'm not too bad with caffeine really, but I don't go near high sources like in energy drinks. I first went on Citalopram and I'm sure I remember it said to avoid guarana due to its high concentration of caffeine. I used to take a supplement of it before that so I cut that out. I'm not sure whether it has much impact on me really but I have about 3 cups of tea a day and a couple of glasses of a soft drink and nothing more with caffeine in. Its always worth lowering it and not to take it too close to bedtime.
If you look on the GAD board for threads & posts from a member called Shakey (he's got some numbers in his name as well but I can't remember them) he has cut out gluten and been anxiety free. He also mentions lactose intolerance as a cause. So, looking at diet is a good thing as out GP's don't!
Since members talk about magnesium helping them, I wonder if that might help you sleep with less dream disturbance? Have a look at some of the threads on the GAD & Natural boards about it.
I haven't journalled, I kind of use this place for that I guess. I've never really been into it much and because of my obsessive side I've struggled to add new activities because my mind seems to be running on autopilot too much. I did record various things for when I had CBT though. It does help some people, if you think it could help you there is nothing to lose. Sometimes it does help to write things down, just like how it can help to talk to somebody because you are removing the focus from inside your head. I find reading helps me with this though.
The thing is though, its well proven that people with anxiety disorders and/or depression experience more vivid dreams. Medication also causes it, especially antidepressants. I've had so many utterly bizarre dreams and I don't read into them because they are of no value. It could be that its your fear that he could and that is how your subconsious is trying to process it in your sleep but ultimately your dreams are not within your control and you don't choose them.
Re: Feel like something isn't right??
He is such a good guy, really and makes me so happy! I think that's what hurts so much, my gad does take on different forms depending on what mood I'm in, it could be work or family or money, just at the moment it's choosing my past mistakes! Which I know is pointless because the past can't be changed and if I was to loose him tommorow I would regret wasting my time worrying about this. At the same time though I can't always turn it off, I think about what I did and I just feel sick and guilty about it. It's a complex emotion guilt but it's there..... Punishing me.
IF i didn't love him I guarantee I wouldn't feel so much guilt, but at the same time my brain is saying to me.... How can you love him if you did that... Stupid right!
I am going to look into this magnesium thing more for sure!!!
I know you have sleep issues, is this due to bad dreams or can you just not sleep?
I have no trouble going to sleep, usually by the evening in hardly worrying at all anyways so I can drift of happily, I just wake a lot, and then aroun 5 in the morning I wake up and s tart feeling agitated.... Then I start thinking. I need to break that cycle of feeling agitated and thinking when I wake up!
I can enjoy time with my partner and be intimate and not worry at all, but if I'm bored at work or it's the morning.... My brain does not like that.
Do you think that there is a correlation between thinking and keeping thoughts active.... Let's say for 1 week I refused to allow myself to ruminate, aknowledhe the thoughts but don't look Into them, do you think eventually that stops the thoughts?
Runination is defo my problem
Re: Feel like something isn't right??
So does anyone think that by stopping runination the brain will stop thinking negative thoughts all the time?
Re: Feel like something isn't right??
Yes, rumination is a problem pattern. Rumination serves very little purpose unless you are contemplating philosophical themes in order to understand them. Rumination about other areas like we see in anxiety are negative patterns of thought as they serve little purpose in helping you.
Its just like intrusive thoughts & the rituals of OCD, you need to calm your mind and get some stillness into youe head. This then starts to eat away at OCD.
My sleep issues have changed over the period of my anxiety disorders. Originally I had problems getting to sleep but when I relapsed I was ok in this respect and it became more of a problem in that I would wake up maybe an hour or so before I was due to get up and I would feel very anxious. It may not sound like much sleep to lose but when you already don't get much due to work & fitting everything in, it soon took it's toll.
Over the years this has changed again to be an issue of not being able to get enough sleep because I literally don't have the time to. I've found my sleep pattern has continually slipped later & later to the point where I now live at night more than in the day so I can't let it slip any further which has just resulted in it slipping anyway but at the cost of the hours I can fit it. Its an obsessional problem and even changing it 15 minutes forward has been a problem for me. I'm now at the point where I can't really get help as I need to sort this out first but everytime I have success, it just slips back again. It may sound ludicrous, but its just one of the problems that anxiety has brought me.
Re: Feel like something isn't right??
Terry that sucks that you have so many issues, do u think there's a way forward for you?
I do find that the runination does make it worse. Like I'll be having an ok day, I'll think about going home and having a relaxing evening, then I'll think, oh but remember you feel guilty about what you did.... Then I'll start analysing. That the problem
Also I joke around a lot with others, and my jokes are always quite crude, I've always been like that and my partner knows that. But if I joke with guys like that I feel guilty and feel like I've overstepped a moral boundary but I do it with girls and I'm fine! And he knows what my jokes are like and isn't bothered by them! I know guilt is a major part of depression I just wish I did have it
Re: Feel like something isn't right??
Yes, I think there are ways out of all this, its just going to be hard because its so ingrained after 8 years. Its all micro goals with anxiety disorders so I just need to dismantle it a bit at a time. I've already done a lot of this with success but I'm finding some of these obsessions difficult to deal with and because of the time of day issue, I can't even access the local charities for mental health or join a club, etc to pull myself forward...one obsession is blocking so many other things so this needs to be dealt with first and its one of the biggies. I joined this place so I could learn and talk about things, maybe help others, so I at least have one outlet for it. I had a good life before all this happened, I don't want the same one back but I do want another one.
It sounds like you need to recognise when you are going into those thought patterns. With practice, you can do this, I have. The trick is in redirecting it. I have found distraction helps with this because you forget the subject and when you stop the distraction it doesn't always come back into your mind and you can just get on with things. Its harder when the mood drops though or the physical symptoms are worse.
When you find yourself in those situations you need to be countering your intrusive thoughts by saying things are ok, your BF trusts you and its just a joke and it doesn't mean you will do anything.
I think a big part of OCD is a lack of self trust. Learning to trust yourself again is important in general but moreso in your case.
Re: Feel like something isn't right??
I would love to re direct the thoughts. It's just not always easy I giess! The thing is I'm good at distracting but when a thought comes on strong I feel compelled to listen incase it's trying to tell me something important. The. The rumination starts. Kinda wish I was on a diff worry by now, just something to change the tune lol. But I know no matter whT the worry it will still be as scary as the first!!
Also I know if I didn't love my partner then I probs wouldn't care as much about anything?
Terry do u want to pm me and talk about your worries??
Re: Feel like something isn't right??
Hi Pingu,
I've only just started reading threads again, I was in the games! I'm just logging off for the night so I might PM you tomorrow. Thanks for the offer.
Meditation will help you with the rumination, it teaches you to take control of your mind. You have to keep it up though, I stopped due to a bad 3 month spell of fatigue late last year and I've noticed my thoughts returning to how they were in some cases so I need to start again. They say its a lifelong skill.
Re: Feel like something isn't right??
I am back on the mindfulness now, actually woke uo without the oanic this morning, just felt a little off but that may be because im not used to waking up without it, i did get a littke anxious on the bus, thoughts kept swimming asking if i really did love my oartner but i pushed them away until my scheduled time. Little tiring but i assume it wikk get easier and eventually i hope to be free of those thoughts all together! But i dont know how realistic that is.
Terry you can pm me any time its fine!
Re: Feel like something isn't right??
Have actually been better most of the day, still getting a lot of rocd and confessional and guilt ocd, but jm trying not to give in to the compulsions in my head. I feel the need to tell my oartner every little joke i make at work, or if a guy compliments me, i also get a lot of guilt still and wonder if i rely am woth the right person. But today ive just tried not to dwell on it all day like i normally do. I gave in a couple of times and i keep trying to confess little things to my oartner but hes veen ignoring my attempts at confession because he knows me talking about it will make me worse. I think me acting on these compulsions actually is whats keeping my ocd alive, and thags what i need to change. I hope to eventually be able to get through the day without having these obsessions at all but i knkw thats a long way off yet. I need to take it one step at a time