Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Dying_Swan
Hi O_O
Glad I didn't offend you, and glad you are feeling a bit better that your period arrived.
What's the deal with your ex? What is stopping you meeting him if you're in love with him? Not saying you should or shouldn't as don't know what the score is. Would he be a potential support right now?
I'm still quite sure there's something wrong. I'm on day 4 of my proper period and it's just not like how it used to be. Every time I push, a load of red blood comes out like a tap. It doesn't really come out unless I push. It's like there's an open wound that needs to be squeezed, rather than just my uterus lining shedding naturally. I have no idea what's going on in there.
And it's just sort of sore and tender and I get rebound tenderness over the uterus. I'm really scared to be honest. I don't know what the gynecologist is going to suggest next week and I'm just so scared of what's going to be found.
It's not a good idea for me to see my ex. He can't help me.
---------- Post added at 20:12 ---------- Previous post was at 17:29 ----------
He's also a massive liar, and a sex addict. He's just come out of rehab for sex addiction! The sex addiction never actually bothered me, but the lying does. He says he's sorting stuff out so we can be together, but it isn't true. I just love him though so it's so hard to move on when he keeps messaging and calling me saying these things. It doesn't help that he's rich and hot and intelligent.
Last night I had a rotten dream too. It wasn't actually a nightmare, but it's just weighing very heavily on me. In the dream I had a smear which came back saying high grade changes. I asked what this meant and they said basically cancer. They said it was very strange because I'd had a clear smear just a year ago. Then I had a colposcopy. Then I was going to have an operation to remove everything, but it was just a couple of nurses who were going to undertake the procedure. I asked if it shouldn't be a surgeon, and what would happen if I started bleeding out or went into anaphylactic shock. They said that hardly ever happened and it was no less likely to happen if a surgeon did the procedure. I woke up before they could put me under.
Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
Hi,
I've read many of your posts and you talk a lot about cervical adenocarcinoma.
The smears they do now are called Thin Prep which means they can sample from the transformation zone where this cancer develops, they are very accurate. Cells also slough off downward due to gravity and can be picked up from the cervix. Also about 99% of cervical cancers are caused by the HPV virus (you know the high risk strains). You have to have the HPV present for many years before it turns the cells pre-cancerous.
You have neither HPV or smear changes, over several smears.
The other 1-2% of cervical cancers are clear cell. They occur in the DES daughters (mothers who took high dose estrogens while they were pregnant in a belief they prevented miscarriage). This didn't happen in England and the practice had stopped by the early 1970's, so that's not you!
Now, uterine cancer starts with a thickened lining which can be seen on an ultrasound, which is also very accurate, especially transvaginal ultrasound. Uterine cancer does not happen in young women your age.
Other things seen on an ultrasound are ovaries, Fallopian tubes, any cysts, polyps and
sometimes endometriosis. I'm sure you know all this through research.
Other causes would be hormonally related, which could be from stress, or possible autoimmune activity which also affects the hormones. This can cause pelvic pain disorder, which is benign but affected by stress.
I also know a bit about these issues, because I'm 61 (and have had a few gynecological issues, not cancer) and also because I lost a g/friend from cervical cancer 26 years ago when she was 32. Her symptoms were quite different from yours. Her's was initially picked up on a smear (before Thin Prep and before they'd really linked HPV to cervical cancer).
So you see this is 2018 not 1992. You are going to have to accept that these modern day diagnostic tools are accurate and that you have no cancer. Anything else is not serious and can be dealt with. Your hypervigilence and hypersensitivity will continue until you get the anxiety/OCD under control.
These issues have to be addressed otherwise you will find no joy in life.
Hope this helps, take care :)
Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
Quote:
Originally Posted by
WiseMonkey
Hi,
I've read many of your posts and you talk a lot about cervical adenocarcinoma.
The smears they do now are called Thin Prep which means they can sample from the transformation zone where this cancer develops, they are very accurate. Cells also slough off downward due to gravity and can be picked up from the cervix. Also about 99% of cervical cancers are caused by the HPV virus (you know the high risk strains). You have to have the HPV present for many years before it turns the cells pre-cancerous.
You have neither HPV or smear changes, over several smears.
The other 1-2% of cervical cancers are clear cell. They occur in the DES daughters (mothers who took high dose estrogens while they were pregnant in a belief they prevented miscarriage). This didn't happen in England and the practice had stopped by the early 1970's, so that's not you!
Now, uterine cancer starts with a thickened lining which can be seen on an ultrasound, which is also very accurate, especially transvaginal ultrasound. Uterine cancer does not happen in young women your age.
Other things seen on an ultrasound are ovaries, Fallopian tubes, any cysts, polyps and
sometimes endometriosis. I'm sure you know all this through research.
Other causes would be hormonally related, which could be from stress, or possible autoimmune activity which also affects the hormones. This can cause pelvic pain disorder, which is benign but affected by stress.
I also know a bit about these issues, because I'm 61 (and have had a few gynecological issues, not cancer) and also because I lost a g/friend from cervical cancer 26 years ago when she was 32. Her symptoms were quite different from yours. Her's was initially picked up on a smear (before Thin Prep and before they'd really linked HPV to cervical cancer).
So you see this is 2018 not 1992. You are going to have to accept that these modern day diagnostic tools are accurate and that you have no cancer. Anything else is not serious and can be dealt with. Your hypervigilence and hypersensitivity will continue until you get the anxiety/OCD under control.
These issues have to be addressed otherwise you will find no joy in life.
Hope this helps, take care :)
Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. I have to admit, while I have heard of the Thin Prep method, I really have no idea what method they use here in the UK. My last smear was in December 2016. I'm not sure what method would have been used then. Hopefully Thin Prep, but I really have no clue.
I know that no thickened uterine lining or polyps were seen when I had an ultrasound four months ago. I have been getting functional cysts, which did give me some discomfort, but I knew exactly what that was and it was very localised to the ovaries. I'm not sure if anything could have changed since then.
I'm not sure about endometriosis as my period cramps have actually been less severe the last four months than they were before all my problems started!
I guess I could believe that the strange periods are hormone related, but as for the uterine tenderness... I just don't know. I keep on thinking and thinking what it could be, and I just don't know. Normally I'm good at working things like this out, but I'm just going in circles with this one. And, of course, it's hard not to link the strange periods with the uterine tenderness.
I have to say, it seems impossible to me that this is all going to turn out to be nothing. I just can't see how in a million years I'll get all the recommended tests done and be told there's nothing badly wrong. I'm just too far gone. How could that happen. I don't think people can suffer mentally as badly as I have over nothing. Sometimes people know something is wrong. But, who knows, maybe I really am just totally mental. I hope so! I'd rather be mad! I could be mad and happy if there was nothing wrong. I'm truly terrified about what will be found, though, to the point that I don't really want to do any tests at all because facing my worst fears definitively would be even worse than what I'm going through now. But I know that I just have to do the tests that the gynecologist recommends. Otherwise, I'll be trapped in this awful limbo until whatever is wrong with me overcomes me anyway. And this is no life. I must be brave.
Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
Quote:
Originally Posted by
O_O
I just can't see how in a million years I'll get all the recommended tests done and be told there's nothing badly wrong. I'm just too far gone. How could that happen. I don't think people can suffer mentally as badly as I have over nothing. Sometimes people know something is wrong. But, who knows, maybe I really am just totally mental.
Oh yes they can, I've done it many times over the years! HA distorts the way we perceive things rationally. The HA brain is saying 'I just know something's wrong" but it's irrational.
I think this whole HA issue comes from our family of origin, I've posted a threat about it that may help. :)
Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
Quote:
Originally Posted by
WiseMonkey
Oh yes they can, I've done it many times over the years! HA distorts the way we perceive things rationally. The HA brain is saying 'I just know something's wrong" but it's irrational.
I think this whole HA issue comes from our family of origin, I've posted a threat about it that may help. :)
I read your post and it was very interesting! Sorry you've been through that stuff.
I'm really not sure where mine comes from. My parents never made me worry about my health, and I never had any experiences of death or illness when I was young. I think mine is just a response to the symptoms I have.
The thing is, I know that SOMETHING is causing these symptoms. Possibly it's something outside my womb or cervix but in all likelihood it's inside. So, if they do a hysteroscopy they WILL find something.
That much is certain.
As for what it IS, I have no logic or proof for it being anything bad. That's just my gut instinct. I know people with HA tend to catastrophise but... I don't know. This seems different to me.
Time will tell.
Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
I have had HA for 25 years, in that time I have had literally thousands of things that I was convinced were wrong with me. I absolutely knew, no matter what anyone else said. I have sobbed after GP appointments, after test results, because I KNEW they were wrong and I KNEW I was right.
Eventually each panic passes away and is replaced by a new one, ridiculously the old one now seems so silly, how could I have worried I had that? But this new one? Oh my god this is the one, THIS is real, panic, panic, panic.
I still have HA, I think I will always have HA, it is more controlled now. What you are experiencing is so classic, so familiar.
I have lost enormous chunks of my life to anxiety, just anxiety, it's crap, please don't do the same.
Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
Heartfelt post, Groundhog.:hugs: I hope all those with HA read it and realise that what you say is so true.
No one is saying that you can't be found to have a serious illness. We all could. But if you're under the care of the doctors and specialists, have had test after test, and you're told everything is normal, you have to take that as face value and move on with your life.
Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
Thanks Groundhog... I wish I could take your advice. It's just, this time it isn't just a silly little irrational fear. I know EVERYBODY says this, but I really think my case is very different from a lot of people's on here.
I've had what I would call 'typical' health anxiety in the past, where I've developed some sort of benign condition and become irrationally worried about it being cancer or something else serious. Some of these things have caused me significant anxiety for months, I've cried over them, and they've prevented me from enjoying my life. I've disbelieved doctors, thought they've done tests wrong, thought they'd missed something or were just dismissing my concerns. But it wasn't the same. I was still basically an ok human being, working and seeing friends and going on holiday, I just felt anxious a lot. When my various ailments cleared up it was a simple case of 'phew' and getting on with my life.
This time, I have completely broken down. No question. I am not functional. I can barely eat. I couldn't possibly work. I see virtually nobody. The most I can do, which is progress, is take a walk. And that's because there really is something going on this time, and I'm not strong enough to deal with that. Even if, by some miracle, there isn't anything serious... I don't know what I'd do. There's no way I could just be like 'phew, onwards and upwards!' I'm too broken. There is no way out of this. The things that I have felt and believed have been so psychologically damaging that I can't see how a full recovery would ever be possible, even if whatever this is doesn't kill me.
I can't rationalise why I believe that this will end my life. The symptoms are worrisome but I know that they, in and of themselves, do not necessarily point to a death sentence. But I just have this feeling. I can't explain it. It's easy to dismiss it as anxiety but, believe me, I've felt anxiety before to very extreme levels and I know what it is! This is something else altogether. It's much worse. I'd take my good old fashioned anxiety any day of the week.
Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
But on the off chance it is just anxiety, have you done anything about finding a counsellor? I'm sure they're easy to find in your area, and since you admit you've had a history of HA a counsellor could help you find a way out.
You're going through a serious breakdown right now, something that most people on NMP have experienced, including me. I never thought I was going to die but I was bad in my own way with severe agoraphobia and social anxiety. I live alone and I had to work hard to recover. Had I the money I would have had a counsellor, and it sounds like you could afford one.
Also, people reading your thread will want to know if you have a time frame with the physical illness you think you have. Say, if by the summer you're not officially diagnosed, you're going to accept it's in your head?
Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Violet Blue
But on the off chance it is just anxiety, have you done anything about finding a counsellor? I'm sure they're easy to find in your area, and since you admit you've had a history of HA a counsellor could help you find a way out.
You're going through a serious breakdown right now, something that most people on NMP have experienced, including me. I never thought I was going to die but I was bad in my own way with severe agoraphobia and social anxiety. I live alone and I had to work hard to recover. Had I the money I would have had a counsellor, and it sounds like you could afford one.
Also, people reading your thread will want to know if you have a time frame with the physical illness you think you have. Say, if by the summer you're not officially diagnosed, you're going to accept it's in your head?
Well, I guess if the gynecologist gives me a hysteroscopy that will clear things up one way or another. I'm hoping for that rather than a laparoscopy, since I'm sure it's something INSIDE my womb / uterus. So I suppose, if she agrees to it, I'll be having that done within the next month.
Say for argument's sake that nothing is found during the hysteroscopy. I'd probably still want a colposcopy in case there was a cervical problem not visible to the naked eye. And if THAT was clear... **** knows. It would appear that anything serious has been ruled out.
But that's getting very ahead of myself. I haven't even had the hysteroscopy yet. I don't even know if she'll agree that's the best course of action!
So I guess it's hard to put a timeline on it :/ It's basically dependent on when the tests are done.