Exclusion & Social Media Anxiety at Work

I work as a self-employed individual for a certain Media Company, (so its quite a 'cool' job I guess) and I've noticed some passive-aggressive and narcissistic behavior within the team. It's been quite challenging to ignore their actions and not feel left out, so I'm seeking guidance on how to deal with this situation.


One of the main issues I've encountered is the 'cliquish' nature of this workplace.

They work in posh offices, and others work self-employed from home. So obviously everything in the 'office' is 'amazing'!

It feels like they have formed a tight-knit gang, and if you're not "of the moment," you're left out.

For instance, I was invited to participate in a course where I performed well and felt like part of the team. However, when the next course came along, which was even more suited to my skills, I was excluded.

What made matters worse was that they showcased their participation all over social media, making it impossible for me and others to miss. I understand that not being selected shouldn't be a problem, but it's disheartening to see it emphasized so prominently.


As a laid-back individual, it's challenging for me not to feel left out, especially in this age of social media where they call all the shots. It seems like they have the power to decide whether you're "in" or "out," and unfortunately, they have treated many others who have worked with them similarly.

Maybe its me that just feels like this, and no one cares (even them) whatever they are doing and promoting, but it does feel like a dig, as I've worked for them so long, and now being excluded.
I am looking at other options now, and happy to pull away.

Additionally, there is a prevalent issue of big egos in this place, where mistakes are rarely acknowledged and ownership is often avoided—a classic display of narcissistic behavior.


I would greatly appreciate any advice or strategies you could share on how to overcome these feelings of exclusion. How can I maintain a positive mindset and not let their actions affect me personally? How can I navigate the social dynamics while remaining focused on my work and personal growth?

Do others suffer with this in this day and age, as everyone tries to make out on Social Media that there lives are perfect, but almost always are not and its a lie!

Thanks for any help

How long have you been with this organisation?
Some times it takes time to survey the social environment and understand the dynamic. I think the dynamic you are noticing pretty much happens in almost every work place? The in group and the out group etc. Being laid back makes it difficult because you aren't naturally pushing forward into the group. A group that you might not really be that wanting to be a part of anwyay.... but just say you do want to be more included - one way would be to make small steps in making individual connections with people who you are vibing with authentically. That way step by step you might find you may become more included.

I've worked there for many many years, and have put myself forward for many things, and have gotten on well with them all.

I'm just quite shocked that I wasn't asked to participate with certain things that are my particular dept, and purposely left out of?

Being polite and getting on with everyone is fine, but they seem to let you know by Social Media with everyone having a good time, and realising i've been left out, which is a bit of a shock

Yeah it would be a shock and seeing it all over social media really "rubs it in". Are you able to ask the organiser why you weren't included? it would be interesting to see what the response is. Personally I have also found the social environments very difficult to navigate in work environments as I am somewhat of a loner myself. At the same time, being left out hurts. I think the problem with people like myself is that you get left behind because often you (we) aren't socially aggressive like many people are. I suspect that's what's going on here with you - that you are very competent at work, but you don't push yourself into the social atmosphere as likely an introvert? Have you ever done the Myers Briggs personality assessment?

I believe if I acknowledge their social media posts, it gives them the satisfaction of knowing that I've seen them, and they consider it a success.

It seems like they are anticipating a response from me to gain an advantage in some way.
It's not that I'm shy, but rather the fact that I'm not physically present with them every day, combined with my growing frustration with their behavior, has contributed to my silence.

Honestly, the company in the south is quite a joke, and I feel it's my responsibility to remain polite despite my true feelings (I think the key is to gradually distance myself).

Instead of actively pursuing them, even though it's painful, I find it easier to ignore their actions and create some distance.
I've witnessed firsthand how other employees who have stood up for themselves have been criticized for their attitude.

I guess its time to look for other opportunities at some point, so I have less to do with them.

By the way, I'll give the online test you mentioned a try as well.

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I had a thought - I think these people are so selfish and self centred they probably don't see past their own nose. It's only when someone questions them - do they go on the attack and try and force social compliance. I feel for you! Tribe dynamics are very difficult to navigate - unless you are one of them! I am certainly not! What personality type did you come out as?

I completely agree. It's quite evident that whenever you engage in something separate from them, they instantly come up with something superior. Their behavior is incredibly narcissistic.


Perhaps it's just my tendency, but whenever I come across a social media post, I can't help but think, "Why am I being excluded?" Even though I've been a part of that social circle in the past and managed to get along with everyone, I now realize how toxic it is. Despite this realization, I choose to maintain a positive attitude and carry on.


I suppose I shouldn't allow it to affect me as it does. Many others who either currently work there or used to work there seem unaffected by being on the "outside," and perhaps I should adopt a similar mindset.

Hey!

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. The feeling of exclusion is not to be sneezed at, it really sucks and makes you feel all kinds of weird and unpopular.

Getting straight to the point, I'd suggest you consider where you're working. Having come from an arty background myself, I'm all too aware of media companies and their cool, urban vibes. Often, they're too full of their own importance but thats just my opinion. Whenever I've applied for freelance copywriting gigs with art directors, for example, they've been amongst some of the rudest, cockiest people I've had contact with.

It's not you with the problem, its them.

It really comes down to two questions. Are you prepared to compromise your integrity to fit in? Or do you want to be in a trusting environment with like minds?

If you really want to fit in, then its a case of playing the game and networking, sadly. It requires you to be a bit of a sycophant. I was an actress many years ago and I had to decide if I was prepared to suck up or be true to myself. I don't suck up to anyone, it just isn't in my nature so I didn't get as many of the gigs! These people love to be made to feel important, and its the likes of us that they need to do that.

If you want to have an easy life and just get on, I'd consider looking elsewhere for work with a company that fits. It could be the start of something new and exciting for you. A chance to be the real you.

So, feed someones elses sense of importance or look after your own wellbeing....which pill will you choose? :) <3

I agree with you that the environment in which we work plays a significant role in our overall well-being. Your personal experience in the media industry highlights some of the challenges faced by those coming from an artistic background. It can be disheartening to encounter rudeness and arrogance from certain individuals in the field, who think they are better than others.


You rightly point out that the problem doesn't lie with me but with the attitude and behavior of others. It's essential to consider two fundamental questions: whether compromising my integrity to fit in is worth it, or if I would be happier in a trusting environment with like-minded individuals.


While the idea of fitting in and playing the game may seem tempting, I resonate with your decision to stay true to yourself. Sycophancy may not be in line with our nature, and it's crucial to remain authentic. I understand that this might result in missing out on certain opportunities, but maintaining our integrity and self-respect is equally important.

Its just hard trying to find other work in that industry so I will have to see how things work out.

I had a thought that you could try telling yourself that you will no longer react inside to the exclusion. This type of self talk has helped me in the past when I have a nagging problem that I can't seem to fix. Exclusionary social practises that you are experiencing have been written about in psychological literature.. it begins at the school level, and basically never ends, unless people become conscious and grown up.. which in most cases, they don't!.. It sounds like you have some colleagues who are aware of this and stay out of it - I'd say yes, do what they do. fitting in with an immature hive mentality is soul destroying.

Thanks peg54321 I shall try this 'no reaction', but not sure how to do it? is there a way to just stop caring and think differently technique?

I think my 'pulling back' has been noticed in the past, and its not jealousy, but i felt a lot better being able to choose when to engage or disengage from the futile and soul-crushing mentality.

its the constant Facebook, Instagram updates and pictures trying to show everyone that 'i bet you wished you worked here as its the best job in the world', and all the lemming followers, try to get their photos with them and feeling jealous of the fun their having at work, feeding their self importance and narcissim!

Hi Sid,
I think everyone is different in what works for them. For me, I have found the simplest way is to tell myself i'm simply refusing to let it bother me any more. "I'm not letting this bother me any more" I say to myself so I can hear it. See if that shifts you on the inside. Yes, i'm sure your pulling back does get noticed. Its strange. They want you there, but on their terms - not your terms.. and their terms aren't healthy for you. the cheerleading on insta and facebook is nauseating... I hope you can withdraw and find others who you can relate to. I know a few people who understand these nauseating dynamics. I think in the long run, getting out of these sickening social dynamics is a huge achievement.

Thank you peg54321, this is a brilliant way of looking at the situation.

I'm hoping my pulling back does get noticed, that I don't want to be part of this worshipping and chearleading.

You are absolutely right that they desire your presence, but only on their terms, not yours, which perfectly encapsulates the situation.

Consequently, I have unfollowed most of them on Instagram and other social media platforms. However, the challenging aspect lies in finding alternative employment. If I were to secure another job, I would completely detach myself from these individuals. Unfortunately, they currently serve as my source of income, so I occasionally have to check if my work is being recognized or worthwhile sending projects that day (from a professional standpoint). As they are excessively celebrating nonsense, and in those cases, it is worthwhile to wait until tomorrow.

I'm glad to be helpful. The malignant hive mentality has been in many work places that I have unfortunately found myself in too... so use this as an opportunity to try and untangle yourself psychologically while you are still there as it is likely to come up again in future work places.

Getting off social media is a great idea. It takes a few attempts to detach from a dynamic but well worth it. I think its a type of immaturity in these types of group dynamics that are really worth untagging from.

It's not something you will miss once you get out of the psychological trap for good. Leaving your current work place physically may not necessarily the answer as you may find yourself in a similiar situation as this type of issue is in alot of work places. The answer in my mind is untangling from the toxic group and affirming your individuality.

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Originally Posted by Sid476

I work as a self-employed individual for a certain Media Company, (so its quite a 'cool' job I guess) and I've noticed some passive-aggressive and narcissistic behavior within the team. It's been quite challenging to ignore their actions and not feel left out, so I'm seeking guidance on how to deal with this situation.


One of the main issues I've encountered is the 'cliquish' nature of this workplace.

They work in posh offices, and others work self-employed from home. So obviously everything in the 'office' is 'amazing'!

It feels like they have formed a tight-knit gang, and if you're not "of the moment," you're left out.

For instance, I was invited to participate in a course where I performed well and felt like part of the team. However, when the next course came along, which was even more suited to my skills, I was excluded.

What made matters worse was that they showcased their participation all over social media, making it impossible for me and others to miss. I understand that not being selected shouldn't be a problem, but it's disheartening to see it emphasized so prominently.


As a laid-back individual, it's challenging for me not to feel left out, especially in this age of social media where they call all the shots. It seems like they have the power to decide whether you're "in" or "out," and unfortunately, they have treated many others who have worked with them similarly.

Maybe its me that just feels like this, and no one cares (even them) whatever they are doing and promoting, but it does feel like a dig, as I've worked for them so long, and now being excluded.
I am looking at other options now, and happy to pull away.

Additionally, there is a prevalent issue of big egos in this place, where mistakes are rarely acknowledged and ownership is often avoided—a classic display of narcissistic behavior.


I would greatly appreciate any advice or strategies you could share on how to overcome these feelings of exclusion. How can I maintain a positive mindset and not let their actions affect me personally? How can I navigate the social dynamics while remaining focused on my work and personal growth?

Do others suffer with this in this day and age, as everyone tries to make out on Social Media that there lives are perfect, but almost always are not and its a lie!

Thanks for any help

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Although this sort of phenomena may often seem much worse these days than ever before (probably most likely due to greater awareness of such issues and affected individuals being more willing to speak out against them), I think it's probably always been a thing in workplaces to a certain extent, though the advent of social media has undoubtebly added to it all over the past 15+ years or so.

Many people, especially over more recent years have admitted to experiencing toxicity, bullying and general cliquey-ness in many workplaces (including instances of sexual harassment), especially back in the 60s, 70s and 80s, but often just shrugged it off and brushed it under the carpet as they often felt that they wouldn't be believed by the powers that be, and of course, for fear of getting the sack, plus not forgetting the fear of being perceived as 'weak'.

The fact that such things still appear to be going on in certain workplaces with bosses/management often turning a blind eye in these more enlightened times really does beggar belief, though I would hope that workplace sexual harassment in particular is much less commonplace nowadays than in previous eras, especially following a lot of the Operation Yewtree and likewise stuff over the past decade or so.

Agree @Lencoboy, and I don't think any sexual harrassment is going on here? but I find it frustrating to consistently submit work and handle administrative tasks behind the scenes, only to face difficulties in receiving timely payment, it getting delayed, or even getting a response.
It seems that the focus is always on creating a fun and enjoyable public image online via Social Media, while crucial matters like receiving payment are ignored or delayed.

Meanwhile, workers are busy showcasing their skills and (non)-achievements, giving the impression that everything is going smoothly.


However, when you rightfully question decisions or express a desire to be paid for your work, you're labeled as an outsider and accused of complaining excessively.
Meanwhile, those who prioritize pleasing their followers continue to waste time and neglect their responsibilities.