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About me
Hi I,m new and thought i.d post a little about me
Anyone relate to this ? I cant seem to face interactions with people of any kind , used to be fun and life and soul but over the last 15 - 20 years things have gone downhill , now just thinking of talking to people gives me unbearable anxiety which my doctor says has caused depression . I cant do meetings i cant go for a beer i cant even go shopping i constantly make excuses for not doing stuff and as a result have lost everyone .
Some how i run a ok business which depends on people who work for me but if it wasnt for them i,d be in big trouble . Family think im miserable and unfriendly but in reality i want to be close to them but just cant .
Ive tried cbt and hypnotherapy but they were no help , ive recently started a course of Citalopram which at the moment is making me feel worse but i know the side effects will pass and hope they along with a lifestyle change will help , i feel like its last chance saloon ! .
I really feel like i gotta dive in and talk to people even though my brain says no , inside i still feel theres a happy man trying to get out
Does that make any sense or shall i pack my bags for the funny farm ?
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I keep saying it in my replies to people that Citalopram was my saving grace. It took me back from a long dark few years where I could just function and no more , I dont know how I got through those early days. I managed to go to work but I was on adrenalin all the time , I would drive home and stay home untill I had to go back to work , I shopped on line and hardly saw anyone making excuses that I was busy, Truth was I needed all the energy I had just to go to work. I found this place and from then on and with advice and support just bit the bullet and took meds and i have never looked back. Now my life is as it was before , I have my confidence back and my zest for life that i always had. So dont give up hope , the meds will kick in and the side effects dont last. Let us know how you are doing
Paige xx
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I can totally relate to your post Paige , thanks for reply , it gives me hope !
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Blade you do make sense,and I totally understand your fears.
I know that my lack of socialising both at work and with extended family,make me appear to be unfriendly and cold. However I can now socialise in very small groups and I have accepted that I will always be intimidated by crowds.
Don't try and force youself to do massive steps as I know from experience that it can cause even more panic.Try one to one socialising,or a trip to a small familiar shop when you know it will be quiet.Little steps at a time can give you such a confidence boost.
It is also helpful to know you are not alone with your fears.I really did think I was abnormal,but after reading other people's problems I know alot of people suffer in silence and I am not alone.
Loreen x
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Hello Blade,
I just wanted to welcome you to No More Panic. I totally understand how you feel. I have extreme social anxiety. Unfortunately if you withdraw from people it just gets worse and worse. Your world gets smaller and smaller and becomes a very lonely and boring place to be. I had one heck of a panic attack one day years ago going out to collect a parcel from my post lady and since then haven’t even been able to face her. She leaves the parcels in a box by the back gate now. Part of me sees how sad that is but it is hard to climb out of this mire when you feel such fear.
Lately I think I have been getting a teeny bit better though. I had to go to the dentist 4 times in the past 3 months and am going again on Wednesday. I think I feel slightly less nervous than I did the first time I went.
I have started to try to say ‘yes’ to things and am now looking forward to a friend coming from abroad in a few week’s time. Although I am very nervous about being nervous in front of her I’m going to do it. The desire to see her is stronger than my desire to protect myself from public embarrassment. I know I will be shaking etc but part of me is saying, ‘So What!’ I think those two words just might hold the key to me getting out of this lonely life. I hope they work for you too. Dive away!
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Hi Blade and :welcome:
You're doing all the right things in looking for help and you're quite right to give the anti-depressants some time to work - the first few weeks can be very difficult and can make you feel far worse b efore you feel better. Hopefully they will give you the space to find more confidence to start to make the changes which you want to make.
Although I don't have social anxiety, I can relate to your situation and recognise only too clearly the vicious circle you're describing - situations make you anxious so you avoid them, making you more anxious so you avoid more and more situations until you feel really isolated. I can tell that you know that it's only you who can make the changes and I think you'll find the ADs will help you to face your fears and start to beat them.
I have to say that I admire you for running your own business. You say that its success is down to the people who work for you but that can't be 100% the case. You have to take credit and it really shows you have a lot of strength to be able to do that whilst feeling like you do. Quite inspiring actually and I'd be interested in you telling us a bit more about it.
It's by no means time to pack your bags for the funny farm yet! If everyone on here who felt like you did that, this forum would be empty and the funny farm very full.
Take care and let us know how you're getting on.
Pip
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Had the wierdest wierdest dreams last night , kept waking me up , i,m sure its to do with the citalopram !
Paige , how long before you felt any benefits from the citalopram and how long did the side effects last what dosage were you ?
Loreen , did you explain to your familiy your problem , i havent , they just think i,m miserable and dont wanna mix with them i think
Rane, I had a similar experience with my physio , had a major panic attack and not been able to see him since , i also have problems with , people i percieve to be in power , just cant handle it
Pipkin , I started buisiness about 20 years ago and luckily ive got some decent people who do virtually everything needed when it comes to meeting people , i mainly deal with paperwork and wages and chasing money now , i would love to get back involved hands on but i cant see it happening in the near future
I like holidays , i always seem more comfortable in the sun when theres no one around i might know so i tend to do that quite a lot , although the airports are becoming a major problem , and the plane trip is agony , need lots of dutch courage to get on the plane .
Its nice to know there are other people with the same problems , i,m off for a assesment with the mental health team this afternoon to see what help there is for me , its only recently ive been able to say that as i always think that if i say mental health to anyone they will think i,m a propper nutter , maybe i am !
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Good luck this afternoon:)
I too hate the term mental health as it sounds like I am going mad!
However I think the recent adverts on tv and radio are helping people to understand that mental health covers everything from panic to autism.
To answer your question,no I haven't told my extended family about my problems,just my immediate family.Some how I feel more comfortable with it like that.Probably because I know some of them just wont get it!
You are so like me!! I get very intimidated by people-even my childrens teachers, most of whom are so young I could be their Mum !!!
I too enjoy holidays.There is something comforting about knowing the people you meet will never see you again!
Hope all goes well today
Loreen x
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Chin up Blade. You can do it! Not having the best day myself but determined not to be defeated.
Pip
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Thanks pipkin but ill be glad when this one over
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A belated welcome Blade!
I didnt realise i had aspects of social anxiety til I read through this thread!
Ive had panic attacks for 11 years, then agoraphobia set in.........
Now I see that all the door locking, shutting off the phone, keeping the curtains closed behaviour is social anx linked with agoraphobia.....an eye opener!
Nice to know you, and if you are going to the funny farm, save me a seat will you? :winks: Paula x
Glad to have you on board. x
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Thanks Paula , my day got a bit better when some of the ctalopram side effects wore off a bit .
So now i,m here and introduced mysef , what next ? do i have to go through some anxiety initiation ?
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Indeed you do have to go through an anxiety initiation!
In about a week, someone will post a secret location to you.....be there at the specified time, taking only a pot noodle (beef and tomato ONLY), a pot of vasaline, and a pitchfork. Once there, the telephone on the wall will ring 5 times...pick it up and await further instructions. Welcome aboard! :shades:
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Hey Blade
Only just picked this up. Sorry you're having a rough time; i can only re-iterate what others have said already and that you are amongst friends and like-minded souls. Fact is, it was ok before, so why not again? Only one way to go, and that's up! Keep with it.
Take care
Ant
P.s as a movie buff, I have to ask if your name has any lineage to the daywalker of the same name?
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Paula .... Pot noodle and pitchfork fine but i,m not so sure about the vasaline :scared15:
Abarth ... the blade reference is about motorbikes :yesyes: , i ride honda fireblades
Gotta say that the tiredness is awful at the moment , i just cant get up in the mornings and thats deffo not normally me , shakey and teeth hurt due to the grinding in the night ( teeth grinding that is :blush: ) general feeling of shiteness , fun fun fun
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Blade,
I can sympathise with the tooth grinding. I've always done this but it's got worse since being on ADs. It gives me toothache, sore jaw and a general headache. I even do it when I'm awake. I think I'll be visiting the dentist soon before I end up with teeth like the Beverly Hillbillies!
Hope you have a better day today.
Pip
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I know the "down to your bone" tiredness is awful, but it will get better, hang in there. Get some fresh air everyday, and eat well. Are you able to go for a blast on the bike?
I once married a biker. But he didnt have a bike. He had a leather jacket with fringes on though, what a dissapointment.....hahahah. :whistles:
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By the way, I fetched a chicken and mushroom pot noodle (with sauce sachet) by mistake and then I found out what the Vaseline was for!
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Hahahaha Pipkin :roflmao:!! x
Easy mistake to make, could happen to anyone. But rules are rules.......x
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Hang in there blade, you'll get there! The tiredness is a nightmare I know, but it will pass. Paula is right, diet is key. I'm a motorbike fanatic as well. Just sold my Buell 1125R, am a Triumph man now, although selling the Buell was a real wrench :-( Just can't get the gumption up to ride it at the moment; such beautiful weather today as well.....Keep posting.
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i know what the pitchfork is for now , to fight you off if i bring the wrong pot noodle !
Abarth , ive had 4 blades , sold the last one before xmas and now on the lookout , was thinking of a triumph this time , buy british and all that , i like track days too
Today .... still crazy tired and body aching , fuzzy head , fuzzier than normal :whistles: , such big side effects from such a little pill
P.S You married a biker without a bike Paula :shades:
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Hi guys,
I once had a 50cc Honda moped in cool red and white with a hair-raising top speed of 30mph. Can I join in?!
Hope you're all feeling ok today. I'm feeling remarkably perky and have just come back from a run. These meds really can help but they take quite a while to kick in fully. I'm getting on for the two month mark and still improving every day. As well as feeling more relaxed, I am generally much more positive which then makes me feel even better. An upward spiral for a change.
Blade - the side effects wear off pretty quickly and those which don't, you learn to live with. Stick with it - I know it's not great at first.
Keep at it
Pip x
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Pipkin ... Its really good to hear something positive , thanks , i gotta be honest i was close to not taking pill today , i wanted to feel better but i know thats would be counter productive , wish i could go to sleep for a couple of weeks and wake when side effects are less . silly really, been sick for years now and i cant wait 2-3 more weeks , hope i,m not building myself up for a fall
Oh and " once a biker always a biker "
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Blade,
No really, stick with it. I know how awful it can be for the first few weeks. I honestly thought I was on the road to being sectioned and even ended up at hospital one Sunday. I have the feeling I must have looked like one of those people you used stare at when you were younger, ranting in the streets and muttering obscenities. I couldn't concentrate on reading (my favourite distraction) and every little noise set my heart racing and gave me that awful tight feeling in my stomach. The GP gave me beta blockers when I then swapped ADs (I was first on sertraline, now on venlafaxine) and they really helped. I then stopped them after a couple of weeks when the ven side effects had calmed down. Might be worth a chat with your GP?
The improvements came gradually and it's only by looking back that I can see how far I've come. They will start to work soon. It's worth giving it a few more weeks, isn't it?
Take care
Pip
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Hi Blade
Well I guess I have some social anxiety too. I learned a lot from my mother - hating the phone, not answering the door, and now in my bad times I avoid contact and cancel plans, don't go to parties. I just don't want to talk about myself or pretend that I'm fine or do small talk. I run a business too but tbh I let my partner take the brunt now. I've done damage to it by not working on it. I just turn up for the clients and then it's SHOW TIME :D and then after that back to the batcave.
Citalopram really helped me last year, or was it the year before, I've lost track. It took a couple of weeks to kick in and I think I went up to 30mg. I was sleeping a lot and the old libido took a nosedive, but then I started taking it at bedtime so the sleep became useful. Stick with it as you won't be able to tell if it works. You might feel a bit ditzy but it's a hell of a lot better than crawling under the duvet thinking about razors.
Good luck!
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Well , this morning i felt crap again but this afternoon , with the sun out i actually felt ok ish , for me anyway , dont know if its the nice weather or what but long may it continue eh
Mashed Banana ... i know exactly what its like to keep canceling plans and meetings , ive done it so much i now dont have to , coz no one calls me any more and the meetings are done by one of my guys , a bit sad but what can you do , you have to deal with stuff the way you have to ....And whats with the name , mashed banana ?
Today is a better day :D
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Hi Blade
Good to hear you're having an 'up' today, thats great. Beautiful weather, I actually went out on the trumpet earlier as I was late for my appointment and the bike was the only option. I saw a brand new fireblade and thought of you! Here's hoping it's the first of many good days.
Cheers
Antony
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Abarth, a triumph, Im a Harley fan but far to short to ride one, bikiing I think is just right for some people, put me behind a wheel of a car Im a nightmare but biking is so different, triumphs are lovely bikes :)
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Nice one Abarth , do you ever go to box hill ?
Sam66 .....Hello , glad you diddnt leave , now i said hello :roflmao:
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Welcome Blade, I hope you are coping x
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Thanks Sam , This is all new to me but i seem to like it here
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Good Blade I hope you find it all helpful x
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Hey there Sam/Blade
It was great to be out on the bike; only the 2nd time I have ridden it. It's the last of the 955i Daytona's so it has plenty of stomp, although the 1125R was absolutely brutal. I've not done Boxhill, although its only a little way around the M25 from me. Sam, you're right about the difference between biking and cars! Thing is you don't get snarled up on a bike, total freedom. Ideas on next bike Blade? Was your bike one of the new breed (post 04)? I've had 2 cbr600, never missed a beat!
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my kids hate me riding a bike not that I have the courage to right now, 'you crash in a car, you write it off, you crash on a bike you die', but thats the thrill, middle aged and female, perhaps I need to grow up :/
---------- Post added at 21:19 ---------- Previous post was at 21:19 ----------
mid life crisis?
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not a mid life crisis Sam , your old enough to know how to keep safe and enjoy it !!! how old are your kids Sam ?
Arbarth ... the buell looks like a lot of fun , i had 2 929s a 954 and then a 1000rr , all new apart from the 1st 929 ,before that cbr6 , thought i was too old for sports bikes now but i think ill get another , i miss the track , ill test ride the trumpet and the new RR and possibly the BMW but i just got a thing for Hondas .
Re the biking thing , its the only time i feel really alive and free and , strangely enough , Safe .
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Ironic isn't it? When riding though, there's not much room for other thoughts which is why we finish a trip feeling alive, refreshed and clear headed. I understand the Honda thing. They always feel 'just right' straight out of the box and they never break. Love the 929, but bought a zx9r E1, as one came my way cheap at the time. The Buell was quirky and difficult on normal roads; too much for me. I really like the 1000rr, but again its way to good for me, it would be a waste on my paltry skills! That's why the Buell had to go. Bought it new and did 1500 miles in 2 years!! The 955i is quick enough and such good value as a used buy, got it for peanuts really! I also have a Suzuki GSR600 (its like a mini BKing) which is really fun. I should really have just stuck with that, but i have a thing about having a big bike! You're never too old to ride! At 43 i'd feel a little conspicuous on one of these ultra flash modern 600's, apart from the 675 triple. But modern litre bikes, if you can handle them, are just stunning. If its what you love, you've got to do it! Trouble I have at the mo, is that mostly I feel so rubbish, I cant even be bothered to squeeze into my leathers, doh!
Keep on the up!
Ant.
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Took dogs out today , felt ok , little steps eh . Not sure if your supposed to have alcohol with citalopram but i had a couple of glasses of wine last night , first since ive been on meds and today , so far , i feel ok , not ok as in go out and chat and mix but ok as in not paranoid or have that feeling of impending doom . I diddnt get out of me pit until 10.30 but i blame that on the drugs
So far , good day :yesyes:
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Hi Blade,
Good to see you're perking up a bit. Early days for you on citalopram but it looks encouraging.
Never been on cit so I can't comment on drinking whilst taking them but I'm on venlafaxine and it says to avoid alcohol. I looked into this a bit more because, although I don't drink very much, the thought of not drinking at all for months was a bit depressing. The reason they advise not to drink is because it can make you very drowsy and I know some people have one drink and then drive (I don't). I've had a few glasses of wine and it's been ok. Best to check what it says about cit?
Take care and keep at it
Pip
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Bugger , so far today isnt good , shakey , nervous i got that horrible feeling in my gut , dont even want to take dogs out ! . had 3 glasses of wine last night i wonder if its connected .
Bad day , but its early days yet , fingers crossed