How do I cope

Hello friends I am having a hard time coping with depression.It,s not something I am used to I only really started to feel depressed about 8mts ago when I lost my job due to my agoraphobia getting worse.

Before this I had down days but never anything that compares to the black hole I,m in at the moment.So I have never really had to deal with these feelings before.I have been tryed on a lot of diffrent meds all with sideaffects.And none of them have been to successfull.

I guess my main question is how do other people cope,what do they do to help themselves,and is there anybody who has had success in beating depression.

I hope somebody has the answer.

Thanks BRILL

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Hi Brill,sorry you are having it rough just now.
I have been there too & what helped me most was walking,yes just walking 20 mins a day,course if you can't get out that won't be
easy. The other thing was to try not to be scared of it,just accept it will pass with or without meds. Don't try to fight it just go with it for now.
best of luck
kiz xx:)

I'm sorry you have to go through this - everybody who has/had to deal with depression knows how horrible those black holes are. Here are a couple of things that help me when things get tough.
- don't let yourself be reduced to the depression, depression might be part of you right now but there's lots more to you than that. Make a list if necessary.
- try to reach out to others, offer some help to somebody who needs it. I know it sounds a bit odd but compassion is an excellent source of relief. You mention agoraphobia - if leaving the house is still a problem you can still help others whilst staying at home. Call somebody you think is in need of a friend or use the net. If you're religious pray for others - even that can help.
- physical exercise as mentioned above can be very helpful too. If the agoraphobia makes walking a non-option you can still do some exercise at home, use a tape or if you're not into that sort of things go for a thorough house-cleaning.
- be gentle to yourself, no pressure. The depression will fade eventually but it has its own timing. If you can't make it go away right now it's not a failure.
- think of the depression not so much as an ordeal but as a chance to find out more about yourself. There are various self-help books out there trying to approach depression from that angle.
- be gentle to yourself, I know I said that already but it's the most important of all things! Be kind and gentle as you would be with a good friend and have patience.

Brill

Many years ago (2 years into the start of my panic) I was really depressed and I think I was close to a breakdown. Years later my mum said that she had seen people have breakdowns and she felt I was close.

I used to do nothing all weekend except lay on the settee and sleep. I was still working at the time but was existing not living. I was very miserable, down and yes depressed.

I used to make recordings on tapes and they sound so bad to listen to now but that is how I felt at the time. I didn't want to live even though I was never suicidal as such - it was a nightmare.

Only my strength got me through it and my will to live and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe Charlie will post her cos she was diagnosed with depression and she is doing so well now.

I wish I could wave a wand for you Brill and make you better - will a hug do for now?

x

Nicola

Oh wow you have all touched my heart so very much.I,m not to shy to admit you all have made a growen man cry.Very good advice probbley better advice then any doctor has given me.I won,t say to much today to worked up to but I can say that when I am down,I don,t seem to be able to think about self help so thanks for helping.

Brill.
Ps nic all hugs excepted lol (I think my wife is sick of me hugging her lol )

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Hiya Brill

I got really depressed when I got made redundant last year and became agoraphobic.

What Nic describes sounds just like I was, sleeping all the time, not interested in anything, tearful, I stopped eating for 2 weeks ans lost loads of weight then started again and ate everything and put on loads.

I think it comes hand in hand with the agographobia and not being able to live your life like you want too.
Just think, you dont go out much so your mind isnt active in the way it used to be so its dwelling on the 'why me', 'when will i get better' etc. This is bound to get you down - I know it did me!
On the positive, the medication I took and as I gradually got better it wore off.
I even went so far as pretending I was happy - putting some great music on and dancing like a mad woman round the living room!!! What a sight that was I can tell you...lol

Anyway..I truly believe it will pass for you. The stronger you get and the more you occupy yourself with, the better you will feel.

Love 'n Hugs
Sarah
xx

Hiya Brill,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so down at the moment.

I had my first brush with depression when I was 19, several years ago now!!

I was misdiagnosed and prescribed diazepam which just worstened my condition.

After suffering for several months, feeling like the black hole was totally swallowing me up, I started seeing a private doc who prescribed me anti d's.

It was a long hard road and it took about 6 months for me to start feeling as if a light had suddenly been shone into my black hole.

From that day on, I started to feel a little better each day.

I was on the anti d's for about 18 months in total.

I now mostly have anxiety and panic but on occasion, I have what I would describe as a mild depression which I think is due mainly to the restrictions on my life brought about by the anxiety.

I know how it feels as if things will never get better at the moment, Brill.

But it honestly will pass though it may take a while.

Just remember we are all here for you. I only wish that this site had existed when I was going through my worst times.

Keep posting Brill, and someone will always be here to reply to you!

Take good care, Brill

Kate x

Wow the support is overweleming thank you all so very much I can honistly say that I have no words to explain the thankfullness I feel towards you all and it is this responce which is helping me more then anything I have tryed.And it does make me feel sad when I think there is so many other people in my position.

Before this depression hit me I can honestly say I have never had to deal with such a powerfull emotion,Not for this extended perioad of time anyway.I think one of the main factors is that I am now starting to realise that I am unimployed,All my life since the age of 15 I have been employed by the same firm and during that time I was in my mind always employed even when I was on holidays I would wake up in the mornings with a job,And now I wake up without a job and no great prospect of getting one in the near future.I have an overwellimg feeling of failyer not only to myself but to my wife and son also.Now instead of them relying on me to provide for them I now reley tottally on my wife for a lot of things in my life including what freedom I have left.And yes I do have to much time for self pitty,And a lot of other negitave thoughts which have dragged me down I have tryed thinking positive but with little success but I will try to continue down this road.Hoppfully to some form of wellness.And to be very honest with you I find the thought of batteling my way out of this depression very overwelming and I find it hard to beleve I have the strength to do so I feel as if all my fight has left me and I have given in to it.and I find some days better then others.

Another problem I am struggling with is that in my mind I have in some way lost my manhood,the tears that just seem to come for no reason the fear of the world I have to live with every day....ect
I worry that if somebody broke into my house would I be man enough to defend my family,And the list goes on and on.Are these normal feeling for somebody with depression

For me so many questions and not enough answers I have always been a person who has had to have an answer to the question why and now I haven,t got the answers.

Anyway thank you all and please excuse the spelling mistakes.

Brill. :) :) :)

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Brill,

All of the emotions you are feeling are part and parcel of depression.

You feel so low that it all gets totally out of proportion and you start doubting everything about yourself and your life.

The light will once again shine into your black tunnel of despair. This may take some time, but believe me, it WILL happen.

Keep posting, Brill, everyone here will help you along the way.

Take care

Kate x

Hi Brill,

It's so hard to think positive when you feel that there is not much to be positive about right now so try to think realistic instead.

You don't have a job at this time and perhaps are not well enough to go and start to look for one but you can do things round the house to help your wife. Perhaps do a couple(pace yourself) of those annoying tasks that have been waiting for months or years to get done. Unexpectedly has even more impact

You may have to really push yourself to start the first one but the momentum grows and you will have more self respect and your family will be grateful for your input.

Then in time you may feel able to help someone else out with some task an elderly neighbour perhaps, and then take on a regular volunteer task and then maybe some part time work.

One of the secrets is finding someone who needs you and is appreciative of your efforts, another is relearning your self worth and increasing your self esteem .

Doing regular vigourous exercise is a great help too.

Crying is fine. Release of emotions is not a bad thing at all.

If someone broke in to your house , adrenaline and testosterone would pound through you .




Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

Brill

One of the worst effects of depression is that it destroys all feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. I used to refer to myself as 'walking failure'... Maybe you feel like you have to fight and you don't have the strength now and then you'll add that as another failure to the list - talk about a vicious circle. Try to relax and observe your mind when the depression-program (as I call it) kicks in - tell yourself 'this is depression at work - it's not a reflection of reality', don't allow depression to define you. You're a loving and caring father and husband (otherwise you wouldn't worry so much about your family, you wouln't post here expressing gratitude and offering help to others) despite the depression and agoraphobia. Crying in your situation is not a weakness but a sign of strength and emotional power, take hope from your tears!

Wow thanks I will say that all the posts have been very helpfull and uplifting.today is not a real good day.But I will try and put some of the advice given to me into practice,I,m going to do some spring cleaning (although it,s almost winter hear lol)and try to think about all the good things in my life.I will also start putting entries into my diary again.
Being in such a negitave stat of mind I hope they all do work,I.ll only try to do a little bit today but will try to do a bit every day :)
Well thanks again.There is so many questions I want answered but one at a time ha.

Thanks again BRILL. :) :) :)

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Hello all It,s been a couple of days.

I feel a little bit better today,:) I have been taking your advice and doing some housework,keeping myself busy.It also feels good having a clean house.I think the new med,s I,m on are starting to work,and the sideaffects are starting to weare off.I have reopened my diary and started putting entrys into it.and my wife and I sat down and talked about all the good things in my life and beleve it or not there are still a lot.:)

I am by no means better but like kate says I feel as if a small light hase been turned on in my dark tunnel.And the biggest help has been all of the good posts in this forum,So i say thankyou so very much.

Thankyou all BRILL. :) :) :)
I by no means feel well but like

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Oh boy I woke up to a bad day today I feel like sitting around and feel sorry for myself lol.I think tyredness has a part to play in my mood to.

brill

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Hi Brill
Sorry you're feeling so low. I know tiredness certainly affects my moods, and I'm more vulnerable to anxiety when I'm tired. Dealing with these symptoms day after day is mentally exhausting, so it's not surprising that your defences wear down. I think it's important not to be too hard on yourself and accept that you're allowed off days. You'll come through them and you will feel better. I'd also echo the sentiments above about exercise, where a good vigourous walk in the fresh air can lift your spirits. Good luck.

Jim

Hi Brill

I was depressed and didn't even know it!!!!

I thought I was just suffering from Xmas stress - but it didn't go after Xmas!!!

I had a terrible time over Xmas and the New Year, and had to force myself to join in with anything.

I spent Xmas Eve in tears, and cried for no reason on most days over the holidays. Nic and Meg will remember one Sunday evening when I was really bad and couldn't get onto the forum or chat room (thanks for your help guys)

Eventually Amanda my CBT counsellor suggested that I had depression and wrote a letter to my GP.

She was very good, and within a short space of time I was taking fluoxetine.

I had always coped without drugs before, but I felt so bad, I thought I'd just give it a try.

HOWEVER, I realised that drugs weren't the ANSWER - so I did some research, wrote my article on depression (see the Home Page).

Basically, I have worked hard and I have done everything on the list of suggestions!!!! (Yes I know that there are loads!!!)

Its been tough, sometimes I thought I'd never conquer it, but I have.

I feel "sunny" inside again. I've still got a long way to go of course, but I feel SOOOOOOO much better, I reallly do.

I know that by working really hard, when I stop taking the fluoxetine, I will still be able to carry on with my life. The medication has just given me the energy to tackle the problem head on.

Please give it a go. I'm afraid I was really sceptical, and that nobody on the site could understand - the advice that they gave me just didn't seem enough to do any good - eating nuts, taking fish oil and keeping a diary will cure depression - I mean please!!!!

BUT IT HELPS SO MUCH

Now I feel so much better, it's quite difficult to write about this without people thinking that you are being smug, or lecturing, so I hope you don't think this - I'm still struggling, just feeling so much better, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

If you are having problems with medication, have you thought of taking SJW or 5HTP?

Everytime you have a negative thought - make yourself think two good ones!!!!!

Really you should have the advantage living in Oz - my mate now lives there, and he loves his adopted country. He is never coming home, and one day when I can fly, I am going over to visit him!

I'm feeling a bit low this morning (I'm tired and got lots to do), it's grey outside, there are still only a few trees with leaves on, it's raining, windy and cold. Let me tell you - some sun makes it much easier to fight back!!!!!! (LOL)

Keep going Brill, you will get there, you are already adopting the right attitiude, and it sounds like you have some good support behind you at home too!!

Take care


Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Been really bad latley.trying to cope with all in my life is getting to hard and is getting me really down. :(

Hi Brill
Really sorry to hear that you are having a bad time lately, it's not easy is it darling?

Remember the thought patterns Brill - even if you don't feel like what you want and where you want to be are realistic at this time, just by thinking about good future events rather than how you feel now really does work. It is oh so easy to slip back into our somehow 'inbuilt' way of thinking, even if we are the most positive people on earth - I know it gets me like that and I am super positive most of the time. Mail me if you feel I can help you with this Brill, I don't mind at all and am here for you like I guess everybody on this site is.

Take care

Red
x

Hi Brill

Sorry it's not going so well right now. Unfortunately this can happen and it's tough, just when you think you're on your way back into normalcy (whatever that's supposed to mean) you'll get knocked off your feet once more. There's no magic cure, it's hard and painful - but it's worth the fight. And remember to be gentle - be gentle towards yourself and all those around you. The first step is to ignore the self-abuse. Some people say you have to make it stop but sometimes those voices within just won't shut up - ignore them instead. Break out of the vicious circle you're in by just going on - no heroic acts required. Make somebody smile, do something that makes you feel better - have a look at nature's beauty - here's a place to start with: http://www.its.caltech.edu/~atomic/s...tos/photos.htm

Be gentle and take care!

Thanks Red and sil your words are very welcomed,and the photos are beutifull.Red I may take you up on your offer thanks.

My problem is at the moment I have got so much bad things going on in my life it hard not to get down about it.And some time I take my frustration out on others which upsets me also.I try but it is hard to see a positive future in all of this.

Thanks for your words and support.

BRILL

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Hi Brill

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time at moment. You get never judge why or when you seem to take 1 step forward you take 5 back. I no when i have good day the bad ones follow and make me feel back at the beginning but i remind myself that on the occasional good day i coped with life and another one might be round the corner. Here if you ever want to talk or if i can be any help. You take care of yourself

Love Sal xxx

Hiya Brill

I know how hard it is sometimes, but you truly will come out of it the other side like I did...I promise :)

It takes a lot of positive thinkng and determination for some people but for others (like me) it just happens that one day you realise you dont feel so bad anymore.

I know these low feelings are terrible but if we didnt get the lows, we wouldnt get the pleasure of the highs would we?

take care mate and offload on us all you want, we are here for you anytime.

love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

Thanks friends. What I can,t understand is that I am on anti,ds and since I have been on them I feel so much worse I talked to my doc on the phone today and his advice is to stick with the meds.Some help he was.
One of the problems is with this depression I really have become withdrawen into myself I have not had contact with anybody except my doc and my wife I just don,t feel like talking to them.And this afternoon my mood has taken a turn for the worset.I feel like I am on the edge and about to snap at any time,I think this comes from the fact that I have to sell a lot of my fish because we just can,t afford to keep them.Oh well I guess that is life as they say.

Anyway thanks again Mark.

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Hi Mark,

Meds can make you feel worse before you gte better. It can take about 4 weeks to settle on them . Also, not all meds suit everybody.

Yes, there is no doubt that some of this is reactionary and all of us would feel miserable if we had to sell something we're very fond of .



Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

Thanks Meg.

Brill

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

DEAR BRILL

STICK WITH THE MEDS.

I am in the middle of the road on this - like Meg I believe they suit some and not others.

However, IN MY CASE, they have done nothing but good so far.

I truly feel like a different person, although this has taken three months for a big difference to be felt.

Don't give up on them just yet. Give them a fair trial, and if after a while you decide they aren't for you, then fair enough.

And don't forget to broach areas of life you can control - diet, exercise etc.

I hope you are feeling a bit better.

Take care

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I don,t have a lot to say but I will say that I feel guilty in a way that I am taking up your time.sorry. I just can,t seem to through this thing.And thanks meg for the info I really don,t want to sound rude but I just can,t bring myself to sit down and read things even if they are for the good.Please don,t take this the wrong way I know some people have taken things I have said the wrong way.And when I have had a nasty experence with a place or person I avoid the place or person like theres no tommorrow.Which means my agorophobia is getting so much worse.And to be honest this is one of my larst places I can find human contact without panic.And the thought of loosing all this contact from the outside world is another great sorce of depression for me.I feel like my life is being sucked out of me a day at a time and I have an overwellming feeling or removement from mankind.And now having to deal with this all consuming depression on top of the agrophobia has almost destroyed my spirit and my will to live.(I am not going to do anything rash).I find myself becomming very tyred,and I now spend a lot of time in bed asleep.It,s as if my whole life is being sucked into a big black hole and the center of the whole is my bed,and the big black hole has consumed almost everything outside my bed and bedroom.

wow for somebody who did,nt have a lot to say I yabbered on a bit.
but I just wanted to let people know how depression feels from my point of view.of course I could go on for hours about how I.m always on the brink of crying all the time.And oh the overwellming feelings of dispear.and the...ect....ect...........ect.But I won,t bore you to tears.

Thanks all Brill.

Ps meg I will try to read the info a little at a time.

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Hiya Mark

I dont want to go on and say do this or do that because what you describe has at one point been all to familiar to me and I know how hard it is. My bed was the centre of my life for ages too and even now I sometimes feel myself longing for it so I can hide away and pretend its all ok.

What I will say is this.... Please dont EVER think you cant talk to us on here. We will always be here for you for as long as you need us! We understand you and will help you or just listen to you for as long as you need.

Take care matey

Love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

Hi Brill

Sorry to hear you are suffering a bit at the moment.

You are more than welcome to come her and post as much as you feel you need to. There is always someone here throughout the day to reply and hopefully cheer you up a bit.

Hang in there ok, it will get easier in time.

x

Nicola

HI Brill,

I haven't taken it the wrong way . I sent it to you in the hope that you may find some useful bits within it. It is entirely your choice whether you ever read it, put any of it into practice or not.

How long have you been on the meds now ?

We look forward to hearing from you often - however you are feeling at that time

Keep the belief that it does ease ..

Meg

Hello

I had a pritty good day yesterday so my wife and I went outside into the yard and did some gardening Which was well overdue.To start with my anxioty was pritty high but once we got stuck into the work it went down a bit.It had been so long since I had been out in the sun that I got sudburnt and my mussles were so saw.

Today I woke feeling really down and spent most of the day in bed asleep,neally 6 hours in total I can,t beleve what a diference a day makes.

Meg I think I have been on the meds for about 4-6 weeks not quite sure how long it seems to long to me.And I only started to feel real down since I have been on them.

I have been going back through some of the posts people have posted to me and I can,t put into words how greatfull I am to you all for your support and words of wisdom THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH

BRILL.

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

It is well documented that you may get worse before you get better with SSRI's.

However, that is usually about 4-6 weeks, so if nothing changes soon , it may be that that med does not suit you.

Pleased to hear about yesterdays gardening.




Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

Hi Brill!
Well done with the gardening yesterday. I was / am always amazed at what a difference a day makes too, sometimes wondered if the good days were worth it - because they felt like a hoax! However, I have learned differently, thank goodness, and found that they stack up into more good than bad days in the end.

If it helps, when I took anti depressants, the thing that seemed to make me worse was that even if I tried to do something, which we know helps this lot, I was just too 'spaced' and tired because of the meds. this in turn made me feel even worse because, even if I wanted to do something, the lethargy was horrendous. I echo what Meg has said - it does usually take about 4-6 weeks before the benefits start to show, maybe you are almost there and the day in the garden, although tough for you, was the first sign. If that doesn't improve over the next week or so, ask about getting them changed.

Good lad for doing what you could! Remember yesterday rather than today eh?

Take care

Red
x

Thanks guys.

And red I coulden,t put it into better words myself that is exactly how I have felt since I started on these meds.I just don,t have the get up and go to do anything,and it is causing a great strain on my marrage because sharon is accusing me of being lazy which I know I,m not I just don,t have the energy to do anything.I tryed ringing my doc again today but he wont be in untill thursday.I feel that if the meds don,t start to work soon I,m just going to through them out the window. lol. No amout of wellness is worth losing my marrage over.And it would distroy me if I was to lose sharon and thomas.

Thankyou all BRILL.

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Hi all


Just a quick message to let you all know that I am still around and doing a lot better with my mood.The anti d's do seem to be a huge help,it took about 6-8 weeks before the side affects became almose bearable and I am now able to function quite well with my moods.

I am sad to say although I feel a sence of wellness,my agoraphobia has become cronic (my doctors words)I don't leave the house I don't talk to people on the phone I don't even visit the chat room any more because of the fear of upsetting people but I am very happy with my life and one of the benifits of not going out is not having to endure the horific side affects of doing so.I know it sounds horrible but I am happy staying home.

Latley I have been so terrafied of death and what happens when you die that I have been trying to avoid anything that could kill me this includes things with live electricity to the simple things like food in the fridge that has been there for a few days.I don't know why this is happenning but it has got my doctor confused as well.I know I am doing it but when it comes time to use the toaster or have last nights pizza I become worried about death and that this could kill me.My doctor seems to think that this goes back to the ptsd and the night I was held hostage and now I want total control over my life.The mind is a very powerfull thing hay.

Any way must go,So will say bye for now and I am so sorry it has been a whyle May God bless you all BRILL.

Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill

Hiya Brill,

Nice to see you back again.

I agree with your doctor, cos I'm exactly the same, needing to be in control of everything that happens in life.

Whether it be my life or that of my loved ones, I hate feeling that I can't control the outcome.

Death, of course, being the ultimate fear as you feel that you have absolutely no control over that one.

I would say you are avoiding the things you think could cause you to die,therefore giving you back some sort of control.

As you say, the mind IS a very powerful thing!

Take care

Kate x

Thanks Kate

It's nice to be back in a place where people understand and don't look upon me as being a mad nutter.And they can relate to my problems
THANKYOU BRILL....:)


Never give up
Never give in
Life,s to short
Make it last :)
Brill