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Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi peeps I aint posted one of these in some time and given that we have new members I thought it would be good to do one again.
Ok Anxiety remember is just a physical reaction to the chemical Adrenalin that is being overly produced by our bodies, it can produce many nasty horrible feelings , BUT that is all it can do produce feelings, its what we do with them feelings that matters .....
So for some of those symptoms try the following
Shaking hands or limbs - clench the hands tight like a fist , hold it and take a deep breath in throught your nose , release the fist as you release the breath out through your nose, by doing this slowly and calmly Not only are we releasing the adrenalin that has built up but we are also taking control of our breathing which will calm our nervous system down.
Lump in throat or tight throat - If you suffer with this then it is usually because when we are tense we walk around with our TOUNGE permanantly place up in the roof of our mouth clenched and tight, and by doing this we IMMEDIATLY tense the throat and jaw area , causing muscle tension , so make a effort to check where your tounge is placed in the mouth and attempt to keep it lowered ,
Pain in shoulders and neck / headaches -- again when tense we walk or sit with our shoulders hunched up around our ears , this causes tension in the neck and head , drop the shoulders , keep a eye on where you hold them and if you feel pain or discomfort when you do this its Ok its Just that your body isnt used to feeling relaxed given time you will re-train yourself to carry yourself properly and in a more relaxed state.
Palpitations - - Horrible I know but is yet another symptom of anxiety , We do tend to monitor it when we feel our heart going ten to the dozen and this is where we make it seem much worse than it actually is - TRY TO REMEMBER A STRONG FAST BEATING HEART IS A GOOD HEART and no harm will come to you or your heart,, if at night time you struggle to sleep for listening to your own heart when lieing down then place to pillows on the bed and rest your head on the crack between the two pillows , this will help you to stop monitering and listening to yourself.
Dizzy or sick spells - again Not nice but very common , when we have anxiety we burn off sugar very fast or we dont eat enough , you should really be trying to eat 4 or 5 small meals a day rather than 2 or 3 large ones and if you feel sick or dizzy then try a sweet cup of tea or a buiscuit to help replenish your sugar levels , every symptom you feel has a logical explanation for it and once you discover how to help yourself beating anxiety becomes much easier.
Depersonalization - this is simply a result of a tired mind , when we have anxiety we seem to think about things 24/7 and of course this tires us out , instead of curling up in bed or on the sofa praying this stops simply do the breathing excersise for 20 minutes , doing this will give your mind time to rest and your body time to relax, doing a good excerise for 20 minutes is the same as allowing the body and mind 2 hours sleep ....... well worth doing and i suggest even if your having a good day try to do this for 20minutes at least 3 times a day this will allow you to keep your body relaxed and in the state it should be.
Intrusive thoughts ----- Horrible again belive me i been there , but remember these are JUST thoughts and again its the way we react to them that matters , dont sit there thinking and pondering about the why's if's and maybe's , get up do something , read a book , play a game crosswords or even bake some bread or cakes anything to take your mind away from your thought, its impossible to think about two things at the same time, I know it seems you can but trust me you CANT and eventually if you stick with distraction it does work .
Exercise - Essential for recovery , try to do some low impact excersises each day it may be a little walk or cycling or even swimming , Yoga is excellant for anxiety and good excerise releases the body's own nautal endorphines which makes us feel good and happy , well worth doing
Sleep - We all sruggle from time to time with our sleeping patterns , try if you can to stop nappin during the day , if you feel you must then be sensible about it , set a alarm and give yourself a hour or perhaps 2 then get up , dont lie there in a half asleep state thinking about things get up and do something constructive , if you wake during the night and struggle to get bak off to sleep again dont lie there get up , go clean or get a nice warm drink you have to start breaking the cycle and habbits that we so easily form when we suffer with anxiety or panic
Panic Attack - Ok firstly try to break the cycle of being scared something terrible is going to happen IT WONT , Runnin away simple creates more problems and makes us feel a failure , if you feel panic coming where ever you are try this
Drop your shoulders , focus on something near by - a shop window , a lamp post or even a tin of beans if your in the supermarket , take a slow deep breath in through your nose count to 4 , release it our again through the nose and repeat , tell yourself its Ok it will pass and you WILL be ok , do this for a few moments then continue with what you were doing , you may feel slightly dizzy or sick , this is Ok its as a result of your levels returning to normal , take a sweet and suck it this will help with the nausau , anyone who Knows me Knows i have a constant supply of mints in my handbag for such occasions .
Ok if anyone has other symptoms of needs advice on anything in paticular leave a post and i will reply
Michelle
This post is by a former member of NMP. Michelle can no longer be contacted through this site but please feel free to continue posting on the forum for further advice and support.
Regards
Lisa
NMP Administrator
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi
Just read your post. Fantastic! I should really print it off and read it when I feel bad!
Would you know how to stop constant dizziness from the moment I get up to when I go to bed?
Thanks - Lizzie xx
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hiya there
reasons for dizzyness could be either you are shallow breathing ie - breathing from the chest and not from your stomach which will be reducing the oxygen levels in your blood ( and no it isnt dangrous ) just uncomfortalbe , try the breathing excersises that i said , you can do this several times a day till you get the hang of it , secondly are you eating properly , this could be another reason for feeling dizzy
and I am sorry to ask but are you truly feeling dizzy all the time or is it that your so focused on it that it feels as tho its all day ??
good luck
Michelle xxx
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
I think youve hit the nail on the head. I start to feel dizzy and then I concentrate on it and think about it all the time! Then I start to tune into my breathing and breathe funny!
Im changing meds at the mo and feeling really anxious and have been having daily panic attacks which isnt helping either!
How are you? What sort of symptoms do you get?
I had my second baby 7 weeks ago and she has a bit of a cold and this is driving my anxiety mad too!
Thanks for your help - Liz xx
PS How do you know so much about this all??
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi Lizzie
I did suffer with Severe General Anxiety Disorder and intrusive thoughts , I am Now recovered and am a trained Helpliner with No Panic, I had all of the above symptoms and more besides , when i was recovering I found a lot of different things that helped me and some that didnt, Now I am recovered I take great Joy and comfort in helping others .
I am a Mum to 4 married 23 years and thats about it really
Good luck xxx
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hey Lizzie,
That's a big bummer about the constant dizzies. I think you're on the right track with concentrating on your breathing. That was one of the first steps that helped me focus away my other symptoms. Once you find your breathing pace, you get so comfortable in it that you won't switch to breathing anxiety from dizzy spell anxiety. The concentrated breathing with be like a touchstone to pull you into a more centered place.
-Rachel
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Michelle
Great post - thanks :yesyes:
It summaries a lot of the usual and common things/symptoms we get.
I will make it sticky so people can keep referring back to it.
As for
"Lump in throat or tight throat - If you suffer with this then it is usually because when we are tense we walk around with our TOUNGE permanantly place up in the roof of our mouth clenched and tight, and by doing this we IMMEDIATLY tense the throat and jaw area , causing muscle tension , so make a effort to check where your tounge is placed in the mouth and attempt to keep it lowered"
I never knew that and have the swallowing problem really bad today and just noticed that my tongue is always on the roof of my mouth. I will make a concious effort to lower it and see how that goes.
Cheers:hugs:
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Your welcome Nic and all if anyone needs anything else JUST SHOUT , take care all xxxxxxxxxx
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Fantastic post Michelle! i'm so glad i tought you everything i know!!! LMAO......:winks:
loads a love
Me
xxxxxx
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Well in return for your words of wisdom lisa i SHALL teach you How to spell ------ TAUGHT lmao rofl hehehehe
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Don't be so pedantic "old wise one". :mad:
Maybe i'm not perfect, but i'm damn close enough!!! LMAO
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
What a fantastic post .... that is being printed and kept in my in tray at work and also my bedroom wall at home. I may even carry a copy with me!
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Michelle,
Thank you so much for posting this.Even though I am not new to anxiety or panic, this has been great.
I have been doing so well, with all that you have given me. I hope that the new people here, will take the time to read your post and yes print it, so that you can go back to it when your aren't feeling well.
And I always wondered about that tongue thing, wish I had known that before.
Also the diary does really help, and I don't even think twice about doing it now.
:hugs: s to such a great and caring person.:hugs: :hugs:
Take Care,
Believe:flowers: :flowers:
I Believe That In Time We All Will Get Better!!!!!!!!
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi Michelle
Thanks for the info - its good to read others information and ideas.
Have a question - you mention anxiety being a physical response to excess adrenalin....could you please explain this and if this then has a long term health impact on us... just a bit worried i am gong to develop something horrible if i don't control this. Also is this always the case? I don't feel panicky or like am having adrenalin rush - more general worrying, health anxiety and a bit of OCD sometimes.
Have i read this the wrong way round? Could the adrenalin be a response to the anxiety that is when the anxiety is high it kicks off the adrenals? This would explain why only when i am highly anxious i get palpitations , trembling etc as a result of adrenalin. Hope this makes sense - just wanted to understand it better
Thanks a heap SUE x
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Quote:
Have i read this the wrong way round? Could the adrenalin be a response to the anxiety that is when the anxiety is high it kicks off the adrenals? This would explain why only when i am highly anxious i get palpitations , trembling etc as a result of adrenalin. Hope this makes sense - just wanted to understand it better
Yes, it is a physiological response, brought about from the days when we were cavemen and had to take flight when in danger or hang around and fight.
These days with all our modern living we do not often get a chance to physically exert ourselves to the point where all those chemicals are channelled effectively, so we are often all het up and pent up and get tense, nervous, panicky etc.....
The whole deep breathing thing is very effective, but it is making yourself calm down enough to focus on your breathing which I find to be the hardest thing!!
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
hi michelle
so uplifting to hear that you can get through this! i have suffered severe anxiety/intrusive thoughts/panic for 10 yrs and have just had to start taking a'd's again. i am going to follow all your advice in the post but can i just ask how severe your intrusive thoughts were (this is a big problem for me), how long you felt your recovery took and did you take any med's? thanks jo x
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michelle, what a brilliant post,........and i will have too pick your brains more often when we chat .....xxxxxxxxxxxxx........its people like you michelle that have made me welcome and i want to thank you, i think your the best xxxxxxx have a good weekend.......dawny
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Good thread with plenty to mull over.
Negative destructive thoughts are bugging me at the moment, I know they're cobblers but I can't seem to shift them from my mind or stop worrying about them.
It's the usual 'what if' stuff. I seem to get stuck even though I've had this feeling many times before and I've never done anything bad or even come close. I still find it hard to dismiss the thoughts and move on. I'm not thick but I seem to struggle to accept the obvious.
Anyone got any bright ideas?
Cheers
A
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
hi
ok my thoughts were of harming my children and others as well as thoughts of harming myself , I had thoughts of going mad as well as devil thoughts , they were with me 24/7 even when asleep i had the most horrible nightmares ...... ,my head was constantly filled with what if's and the worst thoughts imaginable .
how did i beat them hmmmmmmm , well i worked on the anxiety rather than the thoughts and I realised that the lower I Got my anxiety levels the less important the thoughts became .
On the days when I didnt trust myself , I told myself that my doctor and my husband trusted me so I had to trust them . and that helped me through the hard times .
Everytime my head told me not to do something I pushed to do it , I kept telling myself to ignore the BULLY and stick with it , Its hard work its tiring physically and mentally but by Doing the relaxation 3 times a day , watching my diet and making sure I dont look back I managed to get stronger and stronger .... sure there were blips and lots of tears , but I always picked the phone Up rang No Panic , let off steam the got on with it ........
Today Anxiety yep i still get it but thats Normal its how i deal with it Now that matters , the thoughts ?? , yep sometimes because of the work i do on the helpline and here its a constant reminder but they dont bother me in the slightest and i am able to dismiss them immediatly for what they are silly thought that mean ABSOLUTLY NOTHING !!
i hope this helps
good luck
Michelle
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Michelle,
Thanks for the advice, you really strike a cord with me. I have found that I'm much better when something takes my full attention and imagination - for example a challenging but exciting problem at work. Then I'm confident and seem able to dismiss the thoughts without them sticking. Unfortunately, those periods are followed by the inevitable slack periods and I'm fatigued from the intense activity. Thats when the thoughts pop up and stick.
I like your explanation of reducing anxiety levels rather than fighting the thoughts. That makes sense as I understand that it's the anxiety that makes the thoughts stick and blows them all out of proportion.
I can't understand why I worry so much about doing something I find completely abhorent as this is the guy who will wait for a bumble bee to move on when I'm mowing the lawn rather than just going over it.
I have had a very stressful time over the last 2 - 3 years which resulted in a protracted period of absence from work. Death of father, serious illness to mother, extreme pressure and conflict in the work place - the usual story I guess. I suppose I just need to be patient as I can see clearly the real me during the good times. It's just that once the fear strikes again, I tend to lose sight of that.
Thanks for replying and the advice. It is comforting to know other people have the same experiences.
Cheers
A (father of 1)
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
hi michelle
many thanks for all the advice. did you take med's during your recovery and how long do you yourself feel it took? jo x
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
really fantastic post michelle!!!!!
my main prob is the sick/dizzy spells...i get them every day, for about half to most of the day..nights being the worst...and headaches and fatigue come in a close 2nd....
im going to buy mints like you advised...
when i get the sick spells- im usually out n about,....i will try to just breathe and focus on something close by like you said....i need to beat this thing! im a newlywed, no kids yet, so much i want to do still and just started back to work- half a day a week so far and full of sick spells...ugh...
thanks so much for your advice in the post, just great research!!! im only sorry that you suffered for that research.....
and four kids!!! wow!! awsome!!! maybe there is hope for me yet!
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi Michelle, Many thanks for posting all those tips. My main problem is depersonalisation/unreality and feeling slighly off balance, plus "electric" feelings in my arms and legs. Also I have stupid thoughts about not wanting to be so far from my car when I go out anywhere and not wanting to go out with hubby and kids or any mates in case they see me upset etc. Also I dont want to drive the car far because of the unreality. Then I get the awful wishing people were dead thoughts (I know deep down I dont really mean it) and "what ifs" and I am just so glad you posted those tips on here.
Like you Michelle, I am going to have to try and ignore the bully more and do more relaxation and DONT look back. Also I must try the breathing exercises more too. I think that my problem with breathing exercises and relaxation is that I am impatient and want instant results and to see immediate improvement. I am just going to have to try and be more patient are I? What do you think about exercise Michelle?
Many thanks again
BasilCat
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Michelle, I have just been re reading your post and it seems that exercise is a good thing for anxiety so I will have to come up with something suitable. Did you suffer with unreality yourself? The problem in recent weeks is that I have made the mistake of letting it get the better of me and have been tensing myself and bracing myself against it!!! This has resulted in my balance going and further annxiety feelings. I am going to have to persist with my breathing and relaxation exercises arent I? How do you cope with feeling unreal if you are around town for example? I always carry a packet of mints with me too!
Another problem is that I am always monitoring myself and how I am feeling and thats another habit I have got to leave behind isnt it?
Thanks again
BasilCat
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi BasilCat,
Yep i did suffer a hell of a lot with depersonalization I HAD a huge problem with looking in mirrors as a result of this, Your right about the monitering of yourself and the best way to try to break this habbit is to take your mind away from You or if you find yourself monitering go to a window and look outside , take in what is happening in the outside world .......
Yes relaxation is essential and a must be done as often as possible I advise at least 3 times a day make it part of your daily routine, Excerise is good as long as it is low impact , I for one LOVED power walking altho i was lucky to live near a large lake and Not many people saw me stomping round that on a daily basis lol
The depersonalization will pass with relaxation too as we suffer with this as a result of a tired mind, all the thinking we do wears us down and in actual fact its our minds taking a rest that makes us feel unreal ...... so when this happens moniter your breathing and take a few minutes to relax a little .
Above all remember You are winning as Long as You're trying and the road to recovery is Not out of your reach ..... Good Luck xx
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi Michelle, Thanks so much for your reply to my message. I am feeling unreal now. I think its not helped with the fact that I did not sleep well at all last night and tiredness seems to make it worse for me. I was doing well yesterday and managed an hour in town. Then I got headache and thats why I did not sleep well last night.
Thanks for your advice Michelle. I will have to find something to get my mind off me or go and look through a window or something.
I will make relaxation a routine in my day too and find some low impact exercise that I can do. How did you find power walking whilst you felt unreal? I am so unreal at the moment that I dont feel like it would be a good idea to go anywhere. It is really distracting me.
I am glad you have told me the depersonalisation will pass with relaxation and that its the result of a tired mind. We do such a lot of thinking inwardly dont we about how we are feeling when we are in an anxiety state. So its our minds taking a rest that causes this depersonalisation. I am going to have to monitor my breathing now I think. I am tensing up so much with it that I can hardly sit still or up straight at the computer!!
Thanks. I will go and relax and monitor my breathing.
BasilCat
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi again Michelle, I have just been wondering if its worth mentioning that whilst relaxation/exercise will help with the unreality/anxiety symptoms, isnt it fair to say that fear of these symptoms holds them in place as well?
I have just been down to the Park and managed to walk around the pond in the park a bit, then I went and parked at the side of the pier and walked down to the sea front and around the block. The I was going to have some porridge in McDonalds to warm me up but they werent serving it! So I came home. I was ok walking around but realised that fear is a big factor in all this too.
I know that anxiety is all about adrenalin in your system etc and that the unreality is just our minds reacting to being tired. But why on earth do anxiety symptoms have to be so scary!!
I am doing my best to keep getting out and about and am trying to get past the stupid thought that I dont want to be so far away from the car whenever I go anywhere. Thats why I parked up and walked down to the beach and the pond this morning. But I still didnt feel great when I got home. Did you have any stupid thoughts like the one I mention above Michelle about not wanting to be far from the car or whatever. If so, how did you cope?
Thanks Michelle.
BasilCat
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi Basilcat
yep i felt fear every second of every day , I couldnt drive my car or even answe the phone there were so many things i was pettrified off , even my hubbie had to sit with me while i bathed or showered i couldnt bear to be alone in case i did something or something happened ......
I know its hard but i pushed past the fear, I didnt walk away from the situation .... its very difficult but being alone for example especially with the kiddies , I told hubbie to leave me alone in the house for a hour ,,,,,,,,, then two ,,,,,,,,,,, then three and so on until the fear didnt become such a issue .
Driving the car was hard too so i drove short distances and then further , each day I challenged the fear and the silly thoughts that I had , if I needed too I rang my cpn or no panic to let off steam and then carried on,
If the fear and the thoughts told me i had something to be scared off i didnt listen i sat it out and almost welcomed it said Ok come on then I am ready , and of course nothing ever happened . ...... its difficult but so rewarding too .
Good luck PM me if i can help any more
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi, would you have any advice for weak type feelings in arms and legs. How do you keep your mind from thinking you have a life threatening disease? Thank you.
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi
Try this - Tense your arm then take a deep breath in count to four hold the tension then release as you breath out ............ do this several times then do the same with your legs , you can do this with any part of the body and its great for realiving tension or the tingly feeling we sometimes get .
How do you stop yourself from thinking you have a life threatening disease - 1 ) Use the stop Technique and 2 ) DONT GOOGLE
michelle xxx
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi Michelle
You are really inspiring. I have been getting better and better, the panic attacks had stopped and I had started to eat again. Then this last couple of weeks things have been getting worse, I'm feeling anxious alot and have had a couple of panic attacks. I had put lots of things in place to help me get better, not taking on so much, not rushing everwhere, staying at home with the kids more, going to bed early, diet and not drinking alcohol but as you start to feel better you let things slide so I am thinking it means I need to step back and start again.
Before this all started I used to run, then I stopped because I found it physically impossible to due lack of sleep, energy, food etc. About 3 weeks ago I started running again and have been feeling very proud of myslef. I started doing a bit of swimming as well. now I feel like I am under pressure to keep it up 4 times a week like I used to!
I know I am on the road to recovery but it seems like a long haul, I had been hoping to come off the Citalopram after christmas but now think I'll stop thinking about it and take it a bit slower. The steps backwards are hard to take. I just have to remember what a mess I was 6 months ago and how far I have come.:yesyes:
xx
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi Michelle, Thought you may like to hear that I have been down town for a couple of hours this morning. Parked up in two separare places to do it and had an hour at each. By the time I was going back to the car at the second location I felt a slight bit easier and a touch more confident. I even managed a de caff coffee and sat in the cafe 20 minutes. So that was a bit better I think.
2 hours is the longest I have managed down town in a few months but I must keep it in my head that NOTHING HAPPENED other than feeling a bit strange and dithery.
The breathing exercises are on going too. So thats good.
And I agree with Nicomi, you are really inspiring.
BasilCat
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Anyone know where Michelle is?
Thanks
Shirley
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
hey,
great thread seriously the best! im having a bit of a blip at the moment and had forgotten most of those strategies...but thanks to what uv wrote im more positive i can use them:) .
the method of distraction is what i really need.
:yesyes: two thumbs up for ur post hehe.
luv lawzy x:flowers:
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
There are obviously a lot of little tricks to use when out and about which can reduce the chance of panicking. But what would be the 1,2 or 3 top things which are the most effective? I ask this because it can be hard to remember all these techniques.
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hi Leafar, I quite agree with you. The top 3 tips thats are most effective would be most useful wouldnt they.
BasilCat
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Michelle,
This is excellent! Thank you very much!
David
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
from Blossom I enoyed reading your comments, I suffer from agoraphobia and Anxiety, many years and have all these things written about, but I would like to hear from anyone that wakes every morning crying, which turns into a panic attack, and I want to run, but where to,
This crying has been with me foR about seven years now, I dread going to bed as I think " Oh dear the morning " Do you think it could have become a habit, as its on my mind all the time, I seem to live in the pasy when my son was young, amd had family around me, but now they have aall passed away, the loneliness is unbearable. Please someone answer me if you can from Blossom
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Hey blossom, nice of you to join us as I've spoken to you via Yvonne.
I dread the mornings too as the panic tends to start as I wake up.
keep posting on here,its helps
Love Joy
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Re: Tips for dealing with Anxiety and Panic
Blossom hallo sweetheart and it's lovely to see you on here xxxxxx
I really hope someone who knows their stuff adds a reply about the crying - remember I went through that badly when I came off Seroxat and it lasted ages.
Also I get the thing where I feel as if I could cry when I get panc sensations - especially the lurching stomach. I think it's a bit like despair of "here comes another panic they are still with me the demons". I dunno would like to hear others comments on that anyway.
Maybe Michelle can offer some of her great advice here. Michelle, I was amazed about the tongue thing!
Bloss to me you may need a med change but I know you are not keen on that, - however it can be done and I think you could be so much betterxxx
My new medication Moclobemide is working well and I have been on it less than a week. I have had a positive response to it already. I keep remembering that you yourself had a very good therapeutic response when you were on an MAOI many years ago.
We KNOW what it was that messed YOU ME AND JOY up it was the damned Seroxat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Us and a lot of others.
All my love to you Blossom and I hope you get some replies on herexxxxxxx
Big hugs to a lovely ladyxxxxxxx