The same old stuff or different this time?
Hello everyone
I've been away for a while and although I haven't been on top form I have been coping.
Gradually though over the last few weeks though I've been slipping and so I'm back here to cry on your shoulders.
Whereas I was able to do most things lately, like go out and get on with work, I've now found that my symptoms are coming on and really making me struggle with stuff each day.
This morning I've been really off balance, with feelings as though I will fall off my chair or as if the walls are moving when they aren't. The floor is also doing that horrible moving senation even when I stand still.
On top I've been having sudden hot flashes and burning in my throat and chest. Not like acid but real sudden intense burning which doesn't rise up from my stomach.
Yesterday my chest just kept filling with trapped air and I felt like I was in a bear hug for most of the day. It would come on in secs and go just as quickly. It got so bad some of the time that I would start to wretch. My tummy has also been suddenly telling me it needs to get rid of it's contents with little warning.
Now I know my wedding is coming up and I did have a huge row with a friend on Monday but I wouldn't have thought any of this was any worse than other stuff I've been dealing with lately. So why do I suddenly feel so bad. For the first time in quite awhile I've started to become constantly frightened that I have something seriously wrong with me or that I can't get through this again. I don't want to go back to the stage where I can't function. I am feeling ill all day everyday, whereas before it would wax and wane and sometimes I would even forget about it for a while.
I'm still hiding the way I feel from people but the thing is I'm still finding it so hard again. Last night as I had a surge of these feelings and just tried to tell myself I was ok and nothing bad was going to happen but it just didn't seem to help at all. In fact for a while I felt worse.
It's odd but a lot of these symptoms I don't remember having before or at least not this bad, but on the other hand I'm sure that I have had them. I know that's mad.
I'm back to waking in the night feeling horrible and being afraid so I just need all your support to get my head back into the right frame of mind and fight this thing again.
How could I feel that I'm being knocked off my feet without any real reason or warning again?
I'm into my third year of this stuff and really thought I was on the road to accepting it and moving on
Jules