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Get a plan and get on it
Evening everyone,
I don't post on here all the often at the moment, mainly because my job has become phenomenally demanding and so when I get home my time belongs to my kids rather than an Internet forum. But, I pop on here occasionally and thought that I would give my perspective on recovery from HA, tell you all a bit of my story in case it resonates at all.
There is nothing in this post that I haven't said before, but for the most part the membership here has changed significantly since I started posting in about June 2013.
Firstly, let me tell you a little about me. I am a 36 year old guy from the UK. I have it all, a great family, I live in a fantastic place, I have a job doing something I love, I have two wonderful children and I have the financial freedom to basically do what I fancy. Don't get me wrong, I am not gloating, but just trying to highlight the perversity of health anxiety, the fact that twelve months ago this thing took me from living a life I had dreamed of to virtually becoming a recluse, a terrible father, even worse husband and to a point where I almost gave up my new, dream job because I felt I could not cope. I was at the bottom. I have never had serious suicidal thoughts, but I often wonder if I didn't have children whether I might have.
I have always had a tendency for depression and actually thinking back I think I have always had anxious tendencies. I am a perfectionist in every way, and easy to dismiss things that I do that don't meet my exacting standards. I would bet that these are traits that many here can associate with.
So, it all started when I learned that my father, when he was a couple of years older than me was diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer. Firstly let me tell you he is now 65 so I think that diagnosis was more a reflection of the standard of medicine in the mid eighties. I had a sudden thought, 'what if it was hereditary', 'what if I have it?' 'He had no symptoms'.
I hit google, relentlessly, endlessly for days at a time. I wouldn't sleep, choosing to stay up late and read stories of kidney cancer. I phone Macmillan helpline, I even contacted a specialist in renal cancer and then I booked an ultrasound scan. And then it cascaded, I came to the conclusion that I didn't have renal cancer, but maybe I had renal failure, after all, my urine was a bit foamy, or perhaps I had MS because I noticed some tingling or numbness.
You know the score guys, I could list fifteen conditions at least that I had in a six month period and that is probably a conservative estimate. I used to get home from work and instead of my first thought being about what to do with the kids, I would head to the bathroom to check myself, prod and poke. Given a chance I could find a new obsession every day. I basically became useless at work and god knows now how I got away with it.
Ok so that is the bad, but today, a year on, my life has turned around. I hesitate to say I am better, because I don't believe that is an appropriate way to think....more on that later, but I am enjoying life and I am not so much of a nightmare to live with :)
So let me tell you what I did. This doesn't mean it will work for everyone, it doesn't mean it is right and it is only my take on things. But the thing that prompted me to post this today, was an email I received from a member on here a couple of days ago to say thank you for helping her. Frankly I didn't do anything at all, other than help to remind her that the main issue she faced was anxiety and there were things she could do to tackle that. A few months ago she could see no way out, now in her words, her life has turned around.
1) Develop a plan. No one achieved anything significant without a plan of action. As a HA suffered you should not underestimate the magnitude of what you are taking on, nor the effort that it will take to get through it. Getting through it successfully will take effort and for me you need to think about what you are doing and how to execute it,
2) Measure success differently. This comes back to the point of feeling better. Try not to measure HA in absolute terms. View it is a journey and so long as that journey has a positive trajectory, acknowledging that there will be bumps and pitfalls then that is fine. Don't beat yourself up when things don't go we'll, but rather take a long term view, look backwards as well as forwards and give yourself credit for journey travelled.
3) Take responsibility. I have seen many people on here saying they have tried everything, drugs, therapy wasn't for them etc. I wonder how many of those people genuinely invested in these things or participated passively? To get better from any health condition you have to be actively engaged in your recovery, the health service is there to help you, but you are the chief when it comes to safeguarding your well being, whether it is physical or mental.
4) Remember that mental health has parity with physical. Well it should anyway. You should never feel ashamed going to your GP to discuss mental health, band they should never make you feel bad for doing so, nor should they shrug their shoulder and write you a script. If they do, change GP, there are so many things that they can signpost you to or do things themselves to help.
5) Stop googling. This is so hard, I know, but it can be done. I gradually reduced my google time, replaced it with other activities and before long I found I could resist the temptation. Now I rarely think about googling health conditions, and even if I do, I can read what I see with perspective and a rational head.
6) Acknowledge you have HA. That's not to say that you are immune from physical health conditions, but the one thing everyone has on here is anxiety. When you acknowledge that even a tiny part of your issue may be HA and you seek help for it, there is a decent odds bet that your symptoms will diminish.
7) Find a doctor you can trust. This was the best thing I did, and I went through three GPs before I felt comfortable. I arranged an appointment, wrote down what I wanted to say and agreed the following:
* I knew I had lost my rational mind when it came to listening to my body and I wanted her to know that.
* I wanted to see her every six weeks to discuss physical concerns and I wanted her to take me seriously no matter how ludicrous they were. I also wanted to monitor my mental health in that way. This was a strategy to beat the desire to go to the GP every two minutes.
* Under no circumstances was she to refer me for tests, unless it was necessary in her objective medical opinion. This was the best thing I did. Equally she was not to put anything glibly down to 'just anxiety'.
After about four months of this I found myself with nothing to discuss and questioning why I was there. I haven't seen the GP now since January and a year ago I would have seen her ten times in that time.
8) Understand the mechanisms of anxiety. I didn't find CBT useful in the way that some people do in terms of exercises to do etc. but I did find it useful in understanding the mechanics of anxiety. I taught me that I was focusing my efforts on the wrong thing, that i wanted to eliminate uncertainty (which is impossible) and that my constant checking was also part of the same picture. When I learned that actually what I needed to affect was my reaction to things then it started to fall sensibly into place and I developed my own strategies for progress. From that point on, I used therapy as a kind of weight watchers, keeping me in check every fortnight and keeping me diligent. I was fortunate that I could pay privately, but I had to make big sacrifices to do so.
9) Find a listening ear. Family isn't always the best, I was a nightmare to live with to be honest. So I came here. I was lucky that when I arrived here, I found half a dozen people who were all committed to recovery. We supported one another and made progress together. I am proud to call some of those people my friends now, keep in touch with some on here, others by email and hope to catch up with one or two for a glass of wine at some point.
Be aware though, that very understandably, Internet forums like this attract people who are desperate and upset and in a difficult place. That can sometimes give the impression that recovery is impossible. Know that it isn't. I have seen so many people who were completely desperate, yet have come out the other side. The issue is that most no longer post, and so quite naturally the prime content of this site becomes about symptoms rather than anxiety.
Try and find peers to lean on, collaborate and work together and support one another. It really helps.
Finally, I will leave you with something that a member called Skippy said that really stuck with me.
'Your recovery from HA starts when you start to fear not living now more than you do dying' or something to that effect. Very true. We are all going to die one day, but I for one I am going to have one hell of a time before that happens and I hope you all do too. Don't let health anxiety rule you, you are in charge, get a plan, be flexible and take control.
I hope none of this is too contentious and that it resonates with some.
Take care and good luck everyone. I know how you are feeling and how low this can make you, but I also know that you can get better. I have achieved many things in my life I am proud of, but nothing was tougher than getting out of the mental hole I was in. Getting where I am today stands as my proudest achievement and it can be yours too.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far :)
Chris
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Great post Chris!
People... print this out and read it everyday. This is extremely sound advice! It should be a sticky at the top of the page!
Positive thoughts
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Chris, I remember you when you joined and how low you were then, so its great to read your success story. Take care.
ISB x
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Resonate!!!!, I really really could have wrote each and every word, especially the sentence last but one.
Thank you
Lucia x
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Thanks ISB, I often read my old posts to remind myself and keep motivated. That said I also feel guilty occasionally for feeling better and just swanning off into the sunset. I genuinely believe that anyone can do this when they find a strategy that works for them. Furthermore I am not arrogant enough to assume I am better. I am sure there is a bump around the corner, but to steal Tanner's metaphor, I have a few tools in my box that I can get out when I need them.
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Great read, thank you :hugs:
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Very good read thank u so much x
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
This is very encouraging and I believe every word you said. There is a great deal of truth in your words. I went down hill big time 6 months ago and using some of your points has definitely helped me. The most important fact is that you want to recover.
I wouldn't say that I am cured, I still have a way to go and like you; do not take anything for granted. But, with determination you can get your Life back! :)
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Great post. Im really struggling with my Anxiety /health anxiety right now, and althought I feel Im trying very hard, I just don't seem to be improving. I think one of those reasons is I lack focus. I keep trying lots of different things, but need to have a specific goal and try and achive it, rather than many goals.
Maybe I am a classic case, but I really don't know anymore what the pains I am suffering are caused by anxiety or not - and the worse point is neither does my doctor. Ive already given up on one who just told me to go away basically, and I have a bit more faith in my current one, but I feel so hopeless.
Like cpe suggested, I don't google, as I would inevitably find something new to worry about. And I only tend to read the success stories on here for the same reason.
I get no support from my partner, my current tablets don't seem to be helping, and cbt has only had a limited effect on me.
Cutting to the kill (thank goodness I hear you say !) - I do keep trying to read some positive posts on here to try and helpme believe I can get thru this. Ive done some really positive things today, and yet the fact my tummy hurts drags all the negatives ahead of the far more positives. Im trying to tell myself my anxiety is so deep rooted that it wont be fixed in a day ...but its so hard.
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Awesome post and great advice. Having a good doctor is HUGE, especially one who understands anxiety. I also agree about having a plan ... without a plan, we can so easily get off-track or lost. Thank you for the post.
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Great post, gives me hope that I can get out of this dark hole I'm in at the moment. Printed off to read over and over. :)
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Took me a while to write so a shameless bump :)
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Quote:
Originally Posted by
cpe1978
Took me a while to write so a shameless bump :)
Ha... now you know how I feel! I'm probably the king of buried advice ~lol~
Positive thoughts
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
About 3,641 pieces in your case :)
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Bumping cos I've read this a lot since it was posted and tend to feel very hopeless I'll never get better at the minute. This proves you can. Thank you for writing it x
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Wnsos - I felt exactly the same - genuinely I did, but then I noticed small progress, then a bit more and so on. Started to believe it was possible and then frankly I cannot believe the transformation in twelve months. I certainly wouldn't have believed it a year ago.
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Quote:
Originally Posted by
cpe1978
Wnsos - I felt exactly the same - genuinely I did, but then I noticed small progress, then a bit more and so on. Started to believe it was possible and then frankly I cannot believe the transformation in twelve months. I certainly wouldn't have believed it a year ago.
This really gives me something to hope for. I'm still in the really early stages but I'm sure as everyone knows, we never expect it. I go from being really afraid something f I going on to plain "I think I'm losing my mind." Trying to get psychological help already. I want to beat this. As soon as my constant ache is gone I feel like I might but I'm so wound up that it's daily and I'm doing myself no favours! X
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The first and most important step in my view is to accept that the ache is probably anxiety and focus on anxiety itself. Who knows the ache might go away?
To give you an idea, for months after I no longer felt anxious I ached all over, head to toe. Gradually over time as I accepted it for what it probably was it started to diminish and has for the most part gone. Now i just accept I am 36 and will probably have the odd ache from time to time and use it as an excuse for a good massage.
Don't fall into the 'I'll deal with the anxiety when just this tiny thing is better trap'. That day never comes.
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I really really do appreciate your advice. I'm on at my doctors for recommendations to therapy and phoned a self referral today. Whenever I think "how did I stop being normal?" I annoy myself more. I'm definitely going to beat this. I've lost too much of my life already to other anxiety. Not letting my body be taken too. :D
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You sound like me in some regards. Before anxiety chose my health as the hole to burst out of, I struggled for the best part of 8 years with something approaching body dysmorphic disorder. Looking back I have had anxiety now since my mid twenties - the last ten years.
Personally it sounds to me like you are doing just fine. Realistic expectations, small steps, determined. I used to get really angry with myself, still do sometimes, but you need to learn to be kind to yourself. Try and imagine what you would do if you were looking in from the outside.
This is the first time in nearly ten years that I have been happy whilst not taking some sort of medication. I am so chuffed with that, and it has convinced me that the vast majority of people have the tools within them to beat this thing.
It has also persuaded me to become a director of a mental health charity - but that is another story. :) good luck - you'll be just fine..
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Whoa, that's exactly what I have. I was making progress with it and was given reading material about it before all of this happened. Body dysmorphia has pretty much ruled my 20s and was the main catalyst for the social anxiety. Sigh, the brain.
I feel like I'm continuously saying thanks but I can't help it. You're really giving me a lot of hope when I feel otherwise hopeless. Congratulations on being off meds! I kept going off mine in the past but have also never been this manic. Though when I think rationally and push the pains aside, I realise while they came out f nowhere, there was certainly a rapid decline over the last year. Hope your weekend is brilliant.
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I will thank you and you too! I think I am having a mid life crisis, my daughter wants to learn to roller skate so I have been out and bought myself some fancy roller blades so we can do it together. Think I need A&E on speed dial.
I work in the NHS, I am a manager rather than a doctor, but I am learning a lot about mental health. It is such a fine line between 'normal' and not so much. You can get there, honestly I have been loitering around here long enough to have seen lots and lots of people get out of some very dark holes. Still in touch with many of them.
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
This list should be bumped every day. :D
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Double bump.
Hope you didn't manage to sprain your ankle there, cp :yesyes:
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:) well nearly but mainly because my seven year old has been desperate to learn to roller skate so I bought us both some inline skates. Went out for the first time today. Not sure if this is a mid life crisis or diligent parenting but I am not ideally built at 36yrs old and 6ft 4 tall. Nonetheless we got going quite quickly in the end.
Thanks for the bumps - whether you agree with the sentiment or not I do think that it is important that those who are determined to recover from anxiety keep threads going that address the issues. Peer support is where it's at!
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Quote:
Originally Posted by
cpe1978
Thanks for the bumps - whether you agree with the sentiment or not I do think that it is important that those who are determined to recover from anxiety keep threads going that address the issues. Peer support is where it's at!
IMO, it's not about agreeing or disagreeing. The logic in your post is flawless. It's not a matter of can or cannot, it's a matter of do or do not. Support and encouragement are vital. Unfortunately, as I've seen here and elsewhere, there are some that for lack of a better word, are terminally ill with anxiety. No amount encouragement or advice will ever help. I see plainly that reassurance is just a short term fix be it here or from a medical professional. That for me, is the saddest part of this illness.
We should all continue to post encouraging posts like this. If 1 out of 100 benefit, it's worth the time to write it. I for one, will continue to bump this. I feel this should be a sticky on the page for others to continually benefit from your experience.
Positive thoughts
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
I completely agree. For all the darkness I've let into my mind the last few weeks, this post has been one of the brighter times. Knowing that with work and conviction, you can battle this and you can win. It's really helped me a lot and it should even be pinned if we can get it up there.
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
This time last year the dark hole I was in was about 30 foot deep. Ten years of HA had really took its tole on me. Ten years of tests, reassurance, disbelief, googling, more tests, more reassurance etc. Now with a clear mind I am perplexed as to how it took me so long to get here. Everything now seems so simple. But we know it's not, as HA feeds something on an emotional level and usually has it's roots in something. So while we don't have all the answers we might aswell go with the consensus and follow tried and tested methods advocated by those who have recovered. I think most people can get better, even the die hard reassurance seekers. It is just a matter of when they will start working on their plan.
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Quote:
Originally Posted by
luc
I think most people can get better, even the die hard reassurance seekers. It is just a matter of when or if they will start working on their plan.
Added two words to your statement ;)
Positive thoughts
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Regarding those for whom a plan is not on the cards it is either:
- very early days
- the HA is not yet posing enough of a problem
- the HA is posing too big a problem to be calm for any period of time
- the penny has not and may not drop
- HA has to big of a purpose in disguising or feeding something else
- depression and apathy have broke them
PLEASE ADD
Regarding those who are ready to give the plan a go there is so much support for you on NMP - ask questions, share stories, experiences. I will support anyone as long as their post does not start with " I know I shouldn't but I googled" or include doctor and piece of mind in the same sentence ha.
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These are the sorts of posts/comments I come here to see and share. I appreciate all of you for the support. I'm pretty early days (and apparently still taking punches from the dragon) but I'm so determined to get better. I always feel less good when I read too many of the hopeless posts - though I can understand cos I know how terrifying it is. But I just need to share my appreciation for the positivity. It's really hard to walk the path alone but if people have walked it first and can assure you it's possible, it's more ammo than anything else.
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You certainly don't need to be alone. We have all been where you are right now.
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I find getting up very difficult due to my anxiety, and it takes me a while to get on an even keel in the mornings, so I've decided to read your post when I awaken. It seem to help me put in things in perspective.
Thanks for writing it. It really should be made a sticky. :yesyes:
---------- Post added at 09:28 ---------- Previous post was at 09:17 ----------
Just realised you can vote on a thread. So I have given this one five stars. Get voting everyone, them maybe this will be a sticky.
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Ooh thanks prim! Voted :D
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
We can conquer this HA, by reading the recovery posts, and sorting out our plan. As cpe1978 says, you can become despondant, and think it can't be overcome, when you read the reassurance seeking posts. I think I have posted twice seeking reassurance, and it doesn't help in the long run. I don't answer the reassurance posts very often, because reading them sometimes brings me down.
My plan is this , if you are interested :)
No googling health worries.
Writing down my worries
Relaxation/meditation
Walking dog
Trying to eat a balanced diet
Spending time with family and friends
Learning to live with uncertainty (difficult but not impossible)
Saying to myself every day, I can overcome this, health anxiety is not in charge I am. I choose whats good for me not health anxiety or anyone else.
Whats your plan?:hugs:
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Take some time if you get the chance to look up another member Tanner. She had quite a different approach, but nonetheless made phenomenal progress under some incredibly trying circumstances. She certainly inspired me on numerous occasions.
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Re: Get a plan and get on it
Like I keep saying the support on here has for me been so important. I must be a very visual thinker and I go through my day at work drawing on images of some of the mainstays on here whose wisdom has helped me. We all know what FMP looks like but Primula you have become Ness from Gavin & Stacey and Cpe you will always now have very long legs with rollerblades on and you wear a blue round neck jumper and jeans !!!!!:wacko:
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:roflmao: oh Luc... wass occurring? You've made me laugh out loud, thank you. I love Gavin and Stacey, being from Wales. Well I'm nothing like Nessa apart from the accent. I'm 5ft nothing with short dark hair. My son tells me I look like a little Italian Mamma. I think I look like a fab 52 year old, lol.
My vision of you... with a name like Lucia, medium height, dark hair with a mediterranean look. No doubt I'm way out. :D
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You were small and dark Primula but you were definitely 'homely' as my gran called it. Your about right on me Primula just add out of proportion sized boobs and freckles ha.
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An I definitely have long legs :) now sure about the round neck.