The Amusing News Thread.

Hi all,

We often need a good laugh more than most so how about a thread to celebrate the weird & wacky light news that just makes you smile? Maybe it's a page of total animal cuteness or an amusing story of something that has happened.

Let's give each other a reason to :roflmao: or go "awww".

:yesyes:

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First one from me:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-...shire-46212758

A parrot's squawking impersonation of a smoke alarm led to firefighters being called out to a home.

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

I really like this one of Lidl trolling the (lovely) John Lewis advert.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.s...631.html%3famp


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---------- Post added at 15:17 ---------- Previous post was at 15:16 ----------

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MyNameIsTerry

Hi all,



We often need a good laugh more than most so how about a thread to celebrate the weird & wacky light news that just makes you smile? Maybe it's a page of total animal cuteness or an amusing story of something that has happened.



Let's give each other a reason to :roflmao: or go "awww".



:yesyes:

---------- Post added at 13:12 ---------- Previous post was at 13:09 ----------

First one from me:



https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-...shire-46212758



A parrot's squawking impersonation of a smoke alarm led to firefighters being called out to a home.



:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

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Brilliant! I love the fire service tweet [emoji38]


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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scass

I really like this one of Lidl trolling the (lovely) John Lewis advert.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.s...631.html%3famp

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:roflmao: Good on Lidl! :yesyes: Didn't they do something similiar last year?

John Lewis will find Lidl have that £15 even cheaper.

You've got to wonder at John Lewis now stocking pianos to go with the advert. That firm are already in trouble (lots of redundancies earlier this year) and it's a niche item. They will look great in the store though![COLOR="blue"]

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https://metro.co.uk/2018/05/16/minia...ducks-7549585/

Nothing to see here, just some giant ducks wreaking havoc on a village.

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

This is a great idea for a thread. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MyNameIsTerry

:roflmao: Good on Lidl! :yesyes: Didn't they do something similiar last year?



John Lewis will find Lidl have that £15 even cheaper.



You've got to wonder at John Lewis now stocking pianos to go with the advert. That firm are already in trouble (lots of redundancies earlier this year) and it's a niche item. They will look great in the store though![COLOR="blue"]



---------- Post added at 17:25 ---------- Previous post was at 17:15 ----------



https://metro.co.uk/2018/05/16/minia...ducks-7549585/



Nothing to see here, just some giant ducks wreaking havoc on a village.



:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

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Oh I love the ducklings! That’s SO good [emoji3][emoji846]


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https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-45179970

Parrot swears at London firefighter trying to rescue it from roof

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-...illed-13651665

A cow called Knickers is too big to be killed and striking images show it towering over the rest of the herd.
Knickers weighs 220st and stands at a massive 6ft 4inches tall - but his mammoth size means he gets to live out his days roaming the fields in Western Australia.

That's huge!!! :biggrin:

Does this sum up humans? There's simply too much meat on the cow, we want one with less meat on. :doh: And not realising breeding with Knickers could mean we have Jurassic Park sized herds in future generations!!!

That is one big cow,I watched that story on tele
I came home from work yesterday and found twelve turkeys in the backyard,I thought wow Christmas dinner too help feed the homeless,but the buggers flew off before I got the cast net,big nice and healthy they were.:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lola-Lee

That is one big cow,I watched that story on tele
I came home from work yesterday and found twelve turkeys in the backyard,I thought wow Christmas dinner too help feed the homeless,but the buggers flew off before I got the cast net,big nice and healthy they were.:D

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The 12 turkeys of Christmas!!! :yesyes::D

Did they escape from somewhere? Over here all that would remain would be feathers & blood and a rather full looking happy fox. :D

I bet he was licking his lips at the window :biggrin:

Makes sense, I never thought about the fires. Does this mean they are very close to you? Stay safe, Lola :hugs:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan...yRw6h2xc6xLPzA

A portrait made famous in the BBC sitcom 'Allo 'Allo has been sold for £15,000.

The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies, by fictional artist Van Clomp, was a running joke in the show, which ran between 1982 and 1992.

I wonder if it's the real one or one of the two forgeries :winks: And does it smell of Rene's sausage? :whistles:

:roflmao:

https://metro.co.uk/2018/12/05/clair...ances-8210416/

A school’s clairvoyant night was cancelled this week due to ‘unforeseen circumstances’ – sparking an inevitable onslaught of Twitter snark.

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

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https://www.mirror.co.uk/science/che...rying-13690601

Chemicals on non-stick frying pans are making men's penises half an inch smaller

Bloody hell!!! :ohmy:

Not good news for "pan sexuals" :biggrin:

Does having a larger pan suggest a compensation? :whistles:

Will there be a twin study showing women are more pleased in the bedroom by men who don't cook? Seems like a good way to get out of doing the cooking :yesyes:

No don't someone will jump on this as a way to stop us eating our bacon fry ups. :mad:

https://www.worcesternews.co.uk/news...id-an-octopus/

Man arrested on suspicion of drug driving claimed he swerved to avoid an octopus

A 49-year-old man has been arrested on suspicion of drug driving in Devon after overturning his car “to avoid an octopus”.
Police were called at around 5.15pm on Tuesday to reports of an accident on the A381 between Malborough and South Milton where they found the vehicle upside-down in a ditch.
The official account for the Kingsbridge area of Devon and Cornwall Police tweeted: “Emergency services are currently dealing with a single vehicle RTC on the A381 by the South Milton turn where a car has overturned.
“The driver stated he swerved to avoid an octopus. He is currently in custody on suspicion of drug driving.”

:roflmao:

Police said they found no evidence. I wonder if they checked for squid marks? :whistles::yesyes:

https://www.facebook.com/thedailysta...type=2&theater

House proud mouse caught on camera cleaning garden shed!

:roflmao:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ring-duty.html
​

Britain's rudest female police officer is sacked after breaking wind on duty, asking colleague if he wanted affair with 'fatter, ugly, older woman' and calling driver 'a c***' as she arrested him

:roflmao:

Could we get her a job in Aus, Lola? :winks:

:roflmao::yesyes:

I know a lot of female cops just like her Terry :D she would fit in quite well :winks:

:yesyes: Lola.

Here's another one for our Australian commentators:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-47702527

Fart bullying case: Engineer contests A$1.8m court ruling

A worker in Australia who claims his ex-supervisor repeatedly broke wind at him has appealed against a court ruling that found he was not bullied.

:roflmao:

:roflmao:
We have a farter like that at work :roflmao:

https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle...-a4114521.html

‘Showy’ men with beards have the smallest testicles, study finds

Know a man with long hair and a beard? He's probably got small testicles, well, at least according to a new study.

Researchers from the University of Western Australia and the University of Zurich have found that male primates can either be ‘well adorned or well-endowed – but not both’.

:roflmao:

Does that mean the crazy beard trend is now over once they read this? :winks:

Although, primates tend to grow red bums to attract mates...which might explain why I've got piles for the last 20 years? Come on ladies, have a good look at this bunch of grapes http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t15150.gif:yesyes:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lola-Lee

:roflmao:
We have a farter like that at work :roflmao:

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Wouldn't it describe most dad's? :roflmao:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-new...e-dog-14544367

Quote:

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This adorable blind pooch has his own guide dog, who helps him navigate, and has become his best friend.

Amos, a staffy cross and Toby, nine, a border terrier, have been inseparable for the past year, with Toby defending Amos from other dogs and even help him find his water bowl.

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How adorable is this! :woof::yesyes:

https://www.scratchcard-winners.co.u...by-scratchcard

Quote:

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A 69 year old Great-Grandmother, Cathy Cutts, from Mexborough in South Yorkshire, purchased one of the new Triple Cashword Bonus scratchcards as part of her £15-a-week scratchcard habit.

Upon closer inspection, she realised that the scratchcard had a hidden insult for her!

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:ohmy::blush::roflmao:

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/tran...mpression=true

Quote:

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South Western Railway is investigating after a driver appeared to broadcast porn on a train's tannoy, much to the bemusement of the passengers on board.

In a 30-second clip posted on social media sexual noises can be heard as passengers are unable to contain their giggles.

One stunned woman asks: “Is that coming from the driver?”

The footage was shared on Twitter by Paul Brunton on Friday morning, who wrote: "My driver casually watching porn whilst leaving the tannoy system on…"

He told The Times that the incident on the Waterloo-bound train followed an announcement that there would be a short delay to the train journey.

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I guess the driver must have stopped for a " Thomas the Tank" :winks::ohmy::blush::roflmao:

:roflmao:
Good one Terry:yesyes:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lola-Lee

:roflmao:
Good one Terry:yesyes:

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When that woman asked if it was the driver someone should have explained it was the train going into the tunnel, an explanation dreaded by all parents at some point as their kids grow. :winks:

This article includes the video clip posted by the passenger. The train is actually moving!!! Surely the transport police will want to have a word about him hands being "off the wheel" or is it ok as it's a dead man's handle so only needs one hand? :whistles:

https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2019/05/13...w-left-tannoy/

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-48444814

Quote:

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'Giant Christmas bauble' in Thames sparks bomb alert

A suspected unexploded bomb on the banks of the River Thames turned out to be a "giant glittery Christmas bauble".

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:roflmao:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-...moved-21031151

Quote:

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Duck named Dave has to have penis removed after being 'over-amorous' with ladies

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Lucky there were 3 females then! :roflmao:

Poor old Dave the duck! :scared11:

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/wei...earns-25347716

Quote:

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A three-legged dog has shocked his owners by learning how to walk upright like a human following a car accident.

Dexter, a Brittany Spaniel, sadly lost one of his front legs in an accident with a car and has since been undergoing training to learn how to walk again.

However, instead of learning how to balance his weight across three legs, he has chosen to walk on just his hind legs instead.

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Hi Terry :)

https://www.menshealth.com/uk/health...om-nightclubs/

The last time I was in a club was well over 20 years ago (or longer perhaps; can't quite remember) .. they (she) don't want old farts in the clubs ... by 9 I'm IN in PJs and ready for bed now at 10PM. LMAO :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scissel73

Hi Terry :)

https://www.menshealth.com/uk/health...om-nightclubs/

The last time I was in a club was well over 20 years ago (or longer perhaps; can't quite remember) .. they (she) don't want old farts in the clubs ... by 9 I'm IN in PJs and ready for bed now at 10PM. LMAO :D

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That’s hilarious! But also very insulting [emoji24]


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